Reapers Passage SPOILERS [update News] Comments Thread [please post comments here]
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jackhanna88
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jackhanna88
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Liked that a lot. Although it got me thinking - this Bane guy is considered by all of the other characters to be a real badass because of what happened on Aladna Hill, but that event itself is only really mentioned in passing. A bit of context on that would be very cool - what exactly happened back then?
Other than that, still really enjoying it.
Other than that, still really enjoying it.
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Paranoid66
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This is a tricky one as part of me is [surprisingly - given how much I ramble] a firm believer that less can be more! Some historic stuff will come out later, but I have always planned to leave some details and events to the imagination of the reader!jackhanna88 wrote:Liked that a lot. Although it got me thinking - this Bane guy is considered by all of the other characters to be a real badass because of what happened on Aladna Hill, but that event itself is only really mentioned in passing. A bit of context on that would be very cool - what exactly happened back then?
At great risk of stating the obvious, one of my many faults...
For a start too much gratuitous violence would take away any shock value. Also when something is fully detailed whether it is (well or poorly written) - it will never strike as personal a chord - as something that is hinted at and then filled in by the readers own imagination.
It is like the use of shadows in the old horror movies - all the modern full view - CGI beasties - in many ways have spoiled the suspense and fear. When something is fully known it becomes both familiar and mundane (it is no longer fearful!) [Look at the Shadow Race in B5 they made far better and interesting adversaries when less was known about them, and they still had some degree of mystery.]
Giving too much away is why many movies etc have big anti climax's nothing is ever as good as your own internal vision. If I was a better writer - I would show even less - and be able to hint even more: because I would know the audience would still be following along, but as a certain Heinlein character was prone to saying 'I'm only an egg!'
In brief: What is known is never as scary as what is unknown or merely suspected!
More from The Hill without doubt later, but probably more side comments and brief recollections - I had considered doing a flash back - at one point! However, in the end I decided it would be better to see some events using characters reactions because these carry the weight of their emotional prejudices! Well it sounds good anyway!
P66 gives another silly speech - hangs head in shame - and slinks away!
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jackhanna88
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I did wonder if that was why you were doing it (you're certainly of a higher quality than just leaving something important out/forgetting it), so i agree with you in that respect.
It's just really excited my curiosity! Perhaps just some additional perspectives on it would quench my thirst - maybe someone on the "good" side having a nightmare about it (not described in detail), but how they react to it could help flesh it out slightly, but still by implication (for example by waking up and thinking their on fire, trying to put themselves out, before realising it was just a dream).
Similarly, possibly could have someone from the "bad" side reminiscing about the power they felt at Bane's side?
Or something. I realise that's a lot of suggestions there, but don't feel i won't enjoy it if you don't include them! You've been doing fantastically without my input so far!!
It's just really excited my curiosity! Perhaps just some additional perspectives on it would quench my thirst - maybe someone on the "good" side having a nightmare about it (not described in detail), but how they react to it could help flesh it out slightly, but still by implication (for example by waking up and thinking their on fire, trying to put themselves out, before realising it was just a dream).
Similarly, possibly could have someone from the "bad" side reminiscing about the power they felt at Bane's side?
Or something. I realise that's a lot of suggestions there, but don't feel i won't enjoy it if you don't include them! You've been doing fantastically without my input so far!!
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Paranoid66
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For jackhanna88 I'm very happy that it has got a grip on your curiousity. In a way that means it is successful. If any part of the tale gets any reader - thinking and wondering - contributing in their own heads to the picture, it is in my mind successful. I love the interactive nature of written word storytelling as events unfold. The speculation the images and perceptions we produce.
No need to worry - their will be more about Aladna Hill - as the story continues. Simply because many of those involved in and around this event remember this period as an especially influential character building time.
I am amused by the idea of Bane being (Bad or Evil) - although he plays himself up as a villain The Fallen Angels etc I like to see it as slightly more complicated. The whole Angel thing came about from the fact that as mentioned in one sentence in the text: to Kerry Jorac was her - Guardian - Angel!
I am not entirely sure who the villains are in my story myself, only that some peoples deeds are villainous! Those that might be deemed good(?) are far from stainless steel while the villains mostly have good reasons (if not excuses) for being what they are!
That The Hill links various characters in the story in the same sort of way that The Hive or The Legion or AFC 4 links others is a nice mechanism - these threads for good or ill bind the characters together and cause weird stresses. Thus for example: The Hill makes for the odd interactions between Fay and Teb.
No need to worry - their will be more about Aladna Hill - as the story continues. Simply because many of those involved in and around this event remember this period as an especially influential character building time.
I am amused by the idea of Bane being (Bad or Evil) - although he plays himself up as a villain The Fallen Angels etc I like to see it as slightly more complicated. The whole Angel thing came about from the fact that as mentioned in one sentence in the text: to Kerry Jorac was her - Guardian - Angel!
I am not entirely sure who the villains are in my story myself, only that some peoples deeds are villainous! Those that might be deemed good(?) are far from stainless steel while the villains mostly have good reasons (if not excuses) for being what they are!
That The Hill links various characters in the story in the same sort of way that The Hive or The Legion or AFC 4 links others is a nice mechanism - these threads for good or ill bind the characters together and cause weird stresses. Thus for example: The Hill makes for the odd interactions between Fay and Teb.
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Paranoid66
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Reapers Passage Chapter 63 posted
Thanks to Parameter I couldn't resist the reworked Chapter title!
Monday 01 Oct 07
What can I say it is a pity this and the next chapter etc will be going out a bit shy of halloween!
You can tell me what you think of the costumes so far perhaps!
All comments as ever most appreciated welcome and so on!
Hope you enjoy, I had a bit of fun with this one!
Thanks to Parameter I couldn't resist the reworked Chapter title!
Monday 01 Oct 07
What can I say it is a pity this and the next chapter etc will be going out a bit shy of halloween!
You can tell me what you think of the costumes so far perhaps!
All comments as ever most appreciated welcome and so on!
Hope you enjoy, I had a bit of fun with this one!
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Paranoid66
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Paranoid66
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Paranoid66
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Reapers Passage Chapter 68 posted.
Tuesday 16th October 07
Bit of a delay for me on posting this one - caused by the very unruly previous chapter - with which I had a bit of a wobbly!
Looking forward to tearing that one apart on the final edit when the story is complete. However for now glad to let it go and move on. 
As ever happy to hear what you think - all comments, criticism, thoughts, likes, dislikes much appreciated.
Going through one of those lonesome silent PARANOID periods.
Last comment was way back around Chapter 62!
Their are good silences like damn my ears need peace, and bad silences like people don't think anything is worthy of comment! Worrying! Probably having a bad couple of weeks or something!
Tuesday 16th October 07
Bit of a delay for me on posting this one - caused by the very unruly previous chapter - with which I had a bit of a wobbly!
Looking forward to tearing that one apart on the final edit when the story is complete. However for now glad to let it go and move on. As ever happy to hear what you think - all comments, criticism, thoughts, likes, dislikes much appreciated.
Going through one of those lonesome silent PARANOID periods.
Last comment was way back around Chapter 62!
Their are good silences like damn my ears need peace, and bad silences like people don't think anything is worthy of comment! Worrying! Probably having a bad couple of weeks or something!
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jackhanna88
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Snowship
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It's going good paranoid 
Though the chapter 67 was a bit chaotic to keep up with.
Nice to see the TP didn't get stopped though.
I'm guessing Fey & Sven's actions are going to conflict with eachothers
(Hoping Rav isn't a judas , or if "activated" can overcome his orders)
Though the chapter 67 was a bit chaotic to keep up with.
Nice to see the TP didn't get stopped though.
I'm guessing Fey & Sven's actions are going to conflict with eachothers
(Hoping Rav isn't a judas , or if "activated" can overcome his orders)[ external image ]
Vanilla Malt Gamestarts
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire"
![[ external image ]](http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/1369/argonliscjargyleb.jpg){kind=link}
Vanilla Malt Gamestarts
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire"
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Paranoid66
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The next chapter Chapter 69 may take a while.
It is a tricky one. I've already done a few rewrites on the bit I have sketched up. I want to get as happy with it as possible before posting and it is a complicated one too many options for inclusion.
I don't want it turning into another 67. So I will be trying hard to get any dissatisfactions out of my system before it hits the forum.
Thanks for the comments it was getting far too quiet here!
It is a tricky one. I've already done a few rewrites on the bit I have sketched up. I want to get as happy with it as possible before posting and it is a complicated one too many options for inclusion.
I don't want it turning into another 67. So I will be trying hard to get any dissatisfactions out of my system before it hits the forum.
Thanks for the comments it was getting far too quiet here!
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Paranoid66
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Snowship
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Events are starting to unfold
though there was a couple of speaches where the "" ended before the talking did. plus when Carl was speaking to the Tech woman one passage didn't have who was saying what (though I got it).
anyway keep it comming
though there was a couple of speaches where the "" ended before the talking did. plus when Carl was speaking to the Tech woman one passage didn't have who was saying what (though I got it).
anyway keep it comming
[ external image ]
Vanilla Malt Gamestarts
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire"
Vanilla Malt Gamestarts
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire"
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Paranoid66
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Thanks I think I've sorted these issues as required. Some of the speaches stuff you mention though I'm not sure about. It might be for example: Ghia's inner voiced internal ramblings continuing after she stopped speaking out loud. Sorry if that is a bit confusing as it can otherwise read like speech, but in fact isn't.Snowship wrote:Events are starting to unfold
though there was a couple of speaches where the "" ended before the talking did. plus when Carl was speaking to the Tech woman one passage didn't have who was saying what (though I got it).
anyway keep it comming
I did a a bit of this here rather than external narrative to try and make it a bit more personal and a question of what she believed rather than necessarily pure fact. Often I use she thought, but for long bits of technical jargon here it seemed inappropriate somehow.
I am still having my own inner debate over the use of these " I elected to use ' instead thinking it would be a bit more tidy but maybe it was a bad idea. Something to think about when the whole story is finished.
Always find some small errors easier to proof when it is posted (with the white on black text) it just seems - easier on the eyes - and seems to show some typos etc up better!
Too much haste and not enough speed - when checking - I have a habit of skim reading over it too quickly. I need to slow myself down start carefully reading what is - rather than what should - be there!
Will check it over again later. Found a few other minor things like one word ending with ing instead of ed and so on.
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Fly_by
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Paranoid66
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I'm afraid a lot of this stuff has been ticking along in the background an effect of the currently tight timeline because of the focus on certain events. The story has also I confess gotten - a little bit bigger - than I initially intended!Fly_by wrote:have to say im loving this its coming along nicely. but what happend to ploopy?? poor little guy aint heard from him in ages! also all the LoD people? and a little more from tur and what hes doing would be good
fly_by
Due to the seeming culmination of the hive test and the treason trial, business on the forge has been going segment by segment - cycle by cycle other characters and parts of the story are on a wider (due to logistical necessities) less moment by moment timeline.
Without giving much away...
Old Ploopy is having a relatively peaceful - uneventful time - which will make catching up to him fairly easy later.
Some of the Turs dark antics are slower to mature too, but expect more from him soon.
The Fortress and the LoD crowd will also come into very sharp and active focus when the plot gets more mobile. I'm looking forward to a change of pace a period of greater mobility and a faster timeline that will jump between divergent occurances including more in story travel and a broader sweep later.
Well that is the cunning plan!