Computer game and social media addiction

[Falcrack]

I am addicted to computer games and social media (ie reddit, YouTube, game forums like this). Among those on this forum who would admit to being similarly addicted, what sort of strategies have you used to bring your life into greater balance and free yourself of these addictions? Have you needed to cut certain things out of your life entirely? Have you successfully played games or used social media in moderation, without slipping back into excessive use of either after a while? What would it look like to be successfully free of such an addiction for the long term?

[Chips]

Not addicted to social media, as I barely interact with anyone on them - they're literally pointless wastes of time created to serve up advertising to make money. I recognised they offer me nothing and that it's just me "filling a void". So I watch netflix or whatever else; or read the news. Therefore deleted accounts and uninstalled Apps as they're pointless.

But, as I hit 10,000 hours playing Guild Wars 2... I realised, I only played the WvW part of it and while I had many "ingame" friends, 10k hours represented 416 continuous days of game playing in 8 years; meaning I played at least 4 hours every single day for 8 years straight. Sometimes the entire weekend was playing the game. Only the competitive part - and the worst thing was there's no real rewards or progression. It's just an epic time waste. I'll never get that life back. You could say you'll never get the time spent on the toilet back either, there has to be balance. But seriously, after the first month or two of WvW gameplay, there was nothing left to really gain from it; it was just going nowhere except time eating. It just became a comfort blanket habit to pass time, one that was SUPER easy to wrap yourself in at any and every opportunity as the hours slipped by. Yikes.

So I contacted support and asked for full account deletion; literally delete all my data. Don't regret it despite the odd "but such a WASTE..." - no, the waste was getting that far in the first place.

Just need to find something to occupy the mind. Gaming is fine instead of TV... in moderation. But scrolling social media is literally the *worst* thing going. Can't say what'll work for you, but things that are easy to pick up AND put down work for me. I play beat saber to fill random voids of 20 mins. Yes, its' a game, but I don't think i ever play for more than about 25 mins. So it's ideal. Books, walks, take up new things, doing more DIY, seeing friends more etc. Actual things that bring some form of value.

I don't tend to have this problem with SP games (e.g. X series). Yes, I can sink a few hundred hours into them in the space of a few years, but they're never a habit as I run out of steam and put them down for a year at a time.

Okay, bit of a ramble. Identify what's pointless, waste of time, and then identify what you'd like to achieve, do, think would be good to try. Small steps, cut one or two things first (but in a way not getting back to avoid temptation), and try whatever you came up with (reading, new language, leaning something, cooking, sport, gym, etc). You get the idea

[Falcrack]

So, what's really important to me? Or what should be important? Because I feel those are sometimes two different things.

If the criteria for what is important to me is where I spend my time, then things at the top of the list would include watching videos on YouTube, reading reddit forums regarding the war in Ukraine, and playing computer games (like X4).

What should be the most important things to me? Spending time with my family, practicing music (I play trombone), getting my home in order (cleaning, household chores), providing for the needs of my family, and serving others. The thing is, too often the things I know I should be doing do not seem as exciting in the moment as the temporary pleasure from watching videos or playing games. But while the temporary pleasure from gaming quickly fades, the happiness I get from doing those things I know I should be doing is lasting.

It's a battle between the desire for short term pleasure and long term benefit. The most important things are those which last forever. I heard a good quote recently which said "Some things matter, some things don't. A few things last, but most things won't". My head wants to prioritize the things that last, and that truly matter, but some of my inner desires are in conflict with this.

I've found that it is never enough to simply give up a bad habit. It must be replaced by something positive. Having goals such as limiting games to 1 hour a day, for example, frequently fail, because they are negative goals. They are focused on not doing something negative, rather than the positives things I know I should be doing in its place.

[fiksal]

I think with an addiction one must first arrive at the conclusion that they are bad.

You can't move forward if you not at that step.

Once you are, as you said, replacing it, is a good idea if turning it off doesn't work.

For me, when I take something that brings me negative emotions (even if there are positives too), and remove it, I have a moment of calm when those negative emotions are absent.

I have turned off Facebook this way with 200+ friends on it. I didn't delete my account, I still look what people are up to, following a link to see News feed for my friends only, but only once in two months. Then I log out on all devices.

I have done similar with MOBAs when I noticed the feeling I get from them is, at best frustration. Mild frustration when I win because games never go as I want. And lots when I lose. Installers are now turned off. I get more enjoyment by watching a streamer playing a game once a month.

I have turned off Ukraine war news as well from time to time, because it's too much. As the result I have reduced how often I log in on the forum, and how much I read here, but I am still here.

[Alan Phipps]

As with any addiction, recognising that the sources of the addiction are causing other important life aspects to suffer is a first and important positive step. My opinion about next steps would be, as with other addictions, to seek qualified advice and support that looks into the seriousness, permanency, impacts and withdrawal symptoms of the addiction rather than accept the generic vagueness of online gaming community advice based on an individual's information vacuum (no denigration of posters intended).

[mr.WHO]

With Social Media (or any media) you can try doing following experiment, to cut yourself from the addiction.

Ask yourself - do I relly need to be online and real life up to date, day to day, hour to hour?


Do the baby steps

Depending on the level of your additon try first reduce the increments you're interacting with social media.

If you're terminally on-line, try to set up daily increment - e.g. check on social media only once every 3 hours.

Once you reliably achive these, try raising the bar - e.g. check the social media only once a day on set period.

Depending on how bad you feel about the addiction, you can go and try achive further milestones, like checking social media only once per a few days.

[Chips]

So, what's really important to me? Or what should be important? Because I feel those are sometimes two different things.

If the criteria for what is important to me is where I spend my time, then things at the top of the list would include watching videos on YouTube, reading reddit forums regarding the war in Ukraine, and playing computer games (like X4).

What should be the most important things to me? Spending time with my family, practicing music (I play trombone), getting my home in order (cleaning, household chores), providing for the needs of my family, and serving others. The thing is, too often the things I know I should be doing do not seem as exciting in the moment as the temporary pleasure from watching videos or playing games. But while the temporary pleasure from gaming quickly fades, the happiness I get from doing those things I know I should be doing is lasting.

It's a battle between the desire for short term pleasure and long term benefit. The most important things are those which last forever. I heard a good quote recently which said "Some things matter, some things don't. A few things last, but most things won't". My head wants to prioritize the things that last, and that truly matter, but some of my inner desires are in conflict with this.

I've found that it is never enough to simply give up a bad habit. It must be replaced by something positive. Having goals such as limiting games to 1 hour a day, for example, frequently fail, because they are negative goals. They are focused on not doing something negative, rather than the positives things I know I should be doing in its place.

For the perspective of "got to replace it with..." - of course. You don't quit one thing and then sit staring at the wall for hours a day going "wow, I can't do anything else now with this time unless I find a replacement". For me it was about escaping something damaging, nothing more. When I started playing GW2, that was the day done. If i started at 10am after getting up, or 6pm after work, that was the day.

I can't describe it as it always sounds so ridiculous. Today I'm starting with watching some TV, then I may paint the 2 interior door frames and sand another; I may go for a walk; I may grab some shopping; I may book an eye test; I may just read the forums; I may play a game for a few hours; I'll certainly tidy up. I may also just continue watching TV. I'll consciously choose things throughout the day.

Before, I'd already be 1 hour into GW2 because I hadn't planned to go stay with friends or go home to visit family; I don't know if that makes sense. So I didn't have to replace stopping playing the game with a positive. Stopping playing the game was THE positive. It's just that if you find something you truly enjoy while breaking said habits/addictions, it's way easier. Maybe it was never an addiction, just a reflex habit. No idea. Just... my experience.

[Falcrack]

I think with an addiction one must first arrive at the conclusion that they are bad.

You can't move forward if you not at that step.

Once you are, as you said, replacing it, is a good idea if turning it off doesn't work.

For me, when I take something that brings me negative emotions (even if there are positives too), and remove it, I have a moment of calm when those negative emotions are absent.

I have turned off Facebook this way with 200+ friends on it. I didn't delete my account, I still look what people are up to, following a link to see News feed for my friends only, but only once in two months. Then I log out on all devices.

I have done similar with MOBAs when I noticed the feeling I get from them is, at best frustration. Mild frustration when I win because games never go as I want. And lots when I lose. Installers are now turned off. I get more enjoyment by watching a streamer playing a game once a month.

I have turned off Ukraine war news as well from time to time, because it's too much. As the result I have reduced how often I log in on the forum, and how much I read here, but I am still here.

These are some very good points. I've vacillated in the past between thinking that it's not a big deal and that my addiction is not as bad as some, and recognizing the seriousness of it and how much it is holding me back from my true potential as a husband and father.

Facebook for me has never been an issue for me, I log in once maybe every couple years, and have never been active on it. Every person has their own thing they struggle with, for me it is computer games and more recently YouTube.

In the past, I was heavily addicted to online competitive games like Supreme Commander. At some point a few years ago, I totally quit online competitive games such as this because I realize that for me, it is simply incompatible with being a good husband and father. They are games I cannot pause, they make me agitated and irritable, and despite the thrill of winning, they leave me hollow inside afterwards.

I figured that single player games are better. I can pause them after all. But I still binge on them, and while theoretically I can pause them, I still end up neglecting my family when I am playing them heavily. And my efforts to moderate playing these games by telling myself I have a set amount of time I can play per day have consistently failed.

I've come to decision that for the next couple months (until the end of August), I will not play any computer games except for those which I am playing with family members, or visit their associated forums (except for Off Topic here). After binging on X4 all day today, it leaves me with a sick feeling. I had also played some Nintendo games with my kids during the day, and that by contrast left me feeling happy and more connected with my kids. If I am going to keep computer games as a part of my life, they ought to be at least a shared experience with my family, not just some thing I do in isolation. If I like how it goes, I may extend it past the end of August, but I'll see how it goes until then.

[humility925]

I'm not addicted to computer games and social media but I do spent lot of time on computer game and social media, more or less, reason why? I had a handicapped/disability/deaf so I end up play lot of computer game/internet, I tried explorer in real life, it's just not work out because I found bored, outcast (because deaf, not able to talk deeper communication, ect. so I'm more of trapped, not able to explorer real life, so I'm not addiction, it's all I can do to enjoy this little thing, I prefer enjoy sexual with beautiful women (Both in and out), I would be addiction to that yet not taste experience, it's would make me very happy but unable to, of course, but I'm not addiction to porn or whatever that is, I prefer long taste real romantic love type with beautiful women but unable do because, well I'm handicapped/disability/poor.

I'm do addiction to sexual, but not porn or game or media, key is that try to think and do something you find or love to do, hopeful that might greater than whatever you had addiction, I guess.

I guess I play game or read whatever internet or sleep in bed but not feeling any addiction, I can easy break off but beyond of that, there is not much to enjoy in real life at all, it's so dull, work is so depression, wage/living cost is so depression.

I guess only way to overcome addiction is that you find something you like or enjoy that are not addiction, it's might help in that area. Because if you don't had anything you enjoy or like that are not addiction, you might trapped doing something that you addiction to, unable to overcome if there is no way out, you had to search, try find way out or overcome addiction or slow down addiction while slow add something that you are not addiction yet enjoy something.

Of course everyone is difference like some people might addiction in work or power in real life (that is no-no, it's mess up people life if someone addiction to power in control government or corporate) or someone addiction to wife or family that got sick of them spent time with them all the time, or people even, everyone had own type of addiction. Some people think it's ok, like addiction to work, (although real love, loved one or family might not like that and want spent time together, not at work although other family might not care, depend on who)

Some addiction to the money. Some addiction to religion action, law action or crime action.

[jackeycheung]

The struggle with balancing time, especially when you know what matters most but still get pulled into that quick-hit loop of games or scrolling, hits close to home. I've been through similar cycles, quitting cold turkey, trying "just 1 hour a day" rules, then slipping right back into binge mode. It's like your brain rewires itself for short-term dopamine, and even when you're aware of it, you still fall into the trap.

Something that helped shift my thinking a bit was reading more about how social media and gaming platforms are designed to be addictive. Not just time-wasters, but literally engineered to keep you coming back. I found a good breakdown here, goes into the psychological side of it and even the legal discussions happening around harm caused by these platforms. It's not just "lack of willpower", there's a system built to exploit attention and emotion.

Anyway, for me it's not just about quitting stuff, it's about building the kind of life I don't want to escape from all the time. Still working on that part, but conversations like this help.

[Observe]

There are twelve-step type groups for addiction to computer games and social media:

Internet & Technology Addicts Anonymous (ITAA)
Online Gamers Anonymous (OLGA/OLG-Anon)
Computer Gaming Addicts Anonymous (CGAA)

I suggest perhaps looking into those as a start. You may meet new friends and figure out strategies to overcome the addictive behavior.