If this story crosses with the original game, then SHOOT ME!!!
"I don't know what weapons will WW3 be fought, but i know that WW4 will be fought with Sticks and stones" -Albert Einstein
In July 16, 1945, at Alamogordo, New Mexico, the first nuclear bomb was tested. It brought a new meaning to the word horor..august 6, 1945, the devastation of Hiroshima, the whole world was shocked at the sight to the ruined city.Thousand of people were killed that day and a thousand more from radiation. Present day. We find ourselves in a world where one man can bring destruction to the whole planet at a single push of a button. A hydrogen bomb, with a power of 50 000 000 tons of TNT can reduce a whole region to dust in seconds.
The Universe. 60 years before the arival of Brennan. The Argon scientists discovered large deposits of uranium in the 2nd moon of Argon prime with the technology of the ancestors the Argon scientists easily made prototipes of a more powerfull, more sinister missiles. By combining quantum technology with the normal nuclear technology, they made a weapon that can fry the surface of a planet in seconds. If it could be inserted in a planet core, it would cause mayhem and chaos on the surface. A hell on earth, and it would look like an accident.
THIS IS THE PART I!! PART II WILL BE COMING SOON
The Sum Of All Fears, Part 1
Moderators: TheElf, Moderators for English X Forum
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Gabriel_111
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Sun, 14. Mar 04, 02:26
The Sum Of All Fears, Part 2
The Argon kept it secret for over 80 years Advancing the prototypes making it stronger. And partialy sharing the research with the paranid, having no idea what chaos will they unleashon the galaxy.
As the sun slowly revealed the shiny hull of the new Argon research vessel Pax Galaxia, orbiting a small planet on the outskirts of the Agon teritory. "ATENTION" sounded the dull voice of the capitain "WE ARE GOING TO TEST THE NEW WEAPON IN 5 HOURS" a ship, with 45 men and only the capitain knew what the weapon was. He was too damn secretive. I was a security officer onboard.And all of a sudden, a the whole ship shooked and then BANG a white flash from the tremors i fell down on the cold deck the last thing i heard is that somthing was tearing the hull. And then all was getting dark. I fainted...
END OF PART 2 PART 3 COMING,BE PATIENT!!! I i have to sleep, its 5:41 am in SCG
As the sun slowly revealed the shiny hull of the new Argon research vessel Pax Galaxia, orbiting a small planet on the outskirts of the Agon teritory. "ATENTION" sounded the dull voice of the capitain "WE ARE GOING TO TEST THE NEW WEAPON IN 5 HOURS" a ship, with 45 men and only the capitain knew what the weapon was. He was too damn secretive. I was a security officer onboard.And all of a sudden, a the whole ship shooked and then BANG a white flash from the tremors i fell down on the cold deck the last thing i heard is that somthing was tearing the hull. And then all was getting dark. I fainted...
END OF PART 2 PART 3 COMING,BE PATIENT!!! I i have to sleep, its 5:41 am in SCG
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Acidic
- Posts: 780
- Joined: Mon, 29. Dec 03, 23:51
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Mercenary
- Posts: 1568
- Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
Okay, I have to ask where you're from?
And I'm guessing you are probably typing straight onto the forum which is okay but you'll be prone to making a lot more typos.
Maybe the pace is a little fast or slightly disjointed as it's unclear if the ship is caught up in the after shock of the bomb being released or it went off before the 5 hours is up.
The main tip here is it could do with more words to help the reader get a feel for people and places.
But this is just my opinion and feel free to ignore me completely.
And I'm guessing you are probably typing straight onto the forum which is okay but you'll be prone to making a lot more typos.
Maybe the pace is a little fast or slightly disjointed as it's unclear if the ship is caught up in the after shock of the bomb being released or it went off before the 5 hours is up.
The main tip here is it could do with more words to help the reader get a feel for people and places.
But this is just my opinion and feel free to ignore me completely.
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SteveMill
- Posts: 3952
- Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
Hi Gabriel
You probably need to post enough for us to be able to get into the story enough to offer any real feedback. What you have written feels like a first person prologue narrated by the character the story will follow. That's okay - it's a technique I used in the opening of Rogues Testament.
You will need to adopt a more conventional narrative technique for the main body of the story though.
If you are serious about giving writing a shot (and why not, I took my first steps here, the first part of the Rogue Trilogy is now published in X-Universe Volume 1 and I got admitted straight to Year 2 of the local university undergrad creative writing degree on the strength of it) then you can save yourself an awful lot of trouble by looking at the craft side.
Creative Writing is both an art and a craft. You need some talent, a facility with words and an imagination. Can't help much with that but there are books that can teach you some of the craft skills, enable you to do the standing on the shoulder of giants thing.
If you're interested check out some of the reviews on my Space Ritual site. I'd recommend checking out a guy called James Frey - author of the How to Write a Damn Good Novel series (has different title in the UK). Just reading one of these, and taking on board some of the things they say, will immediately make you a much better writer.
The Head of Department, who is also my tutor and a published author, recommends Frey highly - and Story by Mckee (but that's a very over-priced book, the Frey ones are cheap - particularly thru amazon.)
You probably need to post enough for us to be able to get into the story enough to offer any real feedback. What you have written feels like a first person prologue narrated by the character the story will follow. That's okay - it's a technique I used in the opening of Rogues Testament.
You will need to adopt a more conventional narrative technique for the main body of the story though.
If you are serious about giving writing a shot (and why not, I took my first steps here, the first part of the Rogue Trilogy is now published in X-Universe Volume 1 and I got admitted straight to Year 2 of the local university undergrad creative writing degree on the strength of it) then you can save yourself an awful lot of trouble by looking at the craft side.
Creative Writing is both an art and a craft. You need some talent, a facility with words and an imagination. Can't help much with that but there are books that can teach you some of the craft skills, enable you to do the standing on the shoulder of giants thing.
If you're interested check out some of the reviews on my Space Ritual site. I'd recommend checking out a guy called James Frey - author of the How to Write a Damn Good Novel series (has different title in the UK). Just reading one of these, and taking on board some of the things they say, will immediately make you a much better writer.
The Head of Department, who is also my tutor and a published author, recommends Frey highly - and Story by Mckee (but that's a very over-priced book, the Frey ones are cheap - particularly thru amazon.)