Chapter 1 - New Story

[Middle Aged Dad in Space]

Meatball Tree - I may make more chapters if response in positive.

Argon Prime - 11-23-9:02 Argon Solar time. (Earth 11-23-9:02 2076)

Ozz Freedman sits by his console. He reads his mail. His thoughts stray. "Two, maybe

three solar days until it's here". All he can talk about, all he can think about is the

program that will soon be arriving by mail. The demo was great but it only contained one

sector. Still, it did allow him to configure the computer settings and attach his new

hardware. But it also allowed him to watch as the players for New Guinea flew in and out

of sector. Yeah, somehow they had managed to produce the copies two days sooner and were

taking advantage of the time difference to quickly gobble up local sector space. At

least the developer had kept three gates closed until the official release.

Two Days Later - The Mail Was a Little Early

Ozz Freedman's hand shook slightly as he ran back into the house. His mind flashed

thoughts of worry as the corner of the package was slightly damaged. Quickly and

carefully he cut open the box to reveal that the silk disk was undamaged. Relief shown

on his face, as the disk was apparently saved by the free set of 3D ship cards that came

with every pre-order. He laughed as he said "I guess their 4D cards now".

Ozz walked up to the sleek black environment simulator. Typing in his personal code a

small opening appeared the it's side. He quickly entered and the door automatically

shut. A plain clear voice stated " boot sequence ". Ozz had wanted to change the voice

but could find no way do it. As the Donut screen came to life a soothing female voice

stated "Welcome Ozz Freedman, your X5-Newgates Empire has (pause) a new contract with

Scream, the contract allows yo". The voice broke off in mid sentence as Ozz tapped open

silk drive #4. He placed the new X6 disk in and waited.

All 3 screens came to life. The top and bottom screens displayed stars. The donut screen

had a large sun behind ozz and a nebula to the left. Straight ahead at eye level was the

options menu. Ozz read the options with great anticipation, he slowly said "Use demo

settings". The screen blinked and the setup screen appeared. Ozz Began "Argon Male

ect..." After ten minutes on the character screen it switched to a movie short

explaining how Tridillo Merc was saved by the Argon ship Hornet.

The story line explained that a new mystery race was now threatening the ever growing

X-universe. The ship that he was travailing on was the Tenth confirmed attack by the new

race. Ozz Thought "Ten other players ahead of me made the same choices". It did not

surprise Ozz when it told how he had lost his entire family in the attack. He had, after

all, chosen the lose your family at start option. While it could be nice to have a

family in the game, Ozz (like most people) preferred not to spend time on such options.

Instead he limited it to one uncle living at argon prime. The story went on to explain

that he would be allowed to keep the small rescue vessel that had saved him. The story

finished with a fade out.

As the screen faded back in, Ozz found himself looking at a ceiling. Quickly he said

"Stand" and watched as the screen moved to a horizontal view. "Cool" he whispered under

his breath. he knew from the internet site that he could walk anywhere in the station.

This was the big upgrade from the last version. Last time you could lead base assaults,

but, you were limited to the base command center and the dock/market area. Now you could

go anywhere in the base, change floor plans and add graphic touches. Many of the forum

junkies (like Ozz) were recruited to fill computer bases with interesting designs. Ozz

had bowed out in order to spend most of his time preparing for the release. You see, Ozz

was a bit of a celebrity.

Oh yeah, they knew Ozz, or Tridillo Merc that is. It was said that he was the only X'er

to have never been destroyed. Few believed the myth. But after a while, the

X-Controllers became curious enough to look into the matter. Soon it was all over the

forums, and everyone was gunning for Tridillo Merc. (Ok, Ozz had to agree that the name

wasn't all that, but it had taken quite some time to find a name not already chosen).

Needless to say, he was forced to buy a new ship and take on a new alias. He ended up

losing all his factories and friends in X5. but, nobody ever managed to kill him.
The docking bay design was awesome. The ships looked so real. There were four ships in

the bay already. As he walked down the length of the bay he could see about a dozen

other players. Their names were showing above their heads, not too obtrusively. Ozz knew

that the name above his head would read Taylar, this being his all to necessary alias.

He decided to try out his new ship first thing. He needed to get a feel for it as it was

different than the one from the demo. Then he would begin trading like his life depended

on it (or at least Ozz's life). Walking up to one of the ships that matched his, he

quickly found and used a key pad. Entering the ship, he was awestruck at all of the new

computer stations that spread out before him. He checked out each of the controls, to

make sure it corresponded to the Vesper, the ship he had flown in the demo. Trembling

with excitement at his first journey into space with this new software, he manually

asked for clearance. Clearance was given and the seat beneath Ozz began to vibrate,

simulating the the starting of the engines. Ozz peered at the screen in front of him,

watching as the ship pulled away from the dock. His heart hammered as the ship turned

and faced a long corridor into space. With a smile on his face, like that of a child in

a candy store, he launched the ship into space.

I would like any help you could give me on writing stories like this. If anything bothers you ( like the double spaced short lines) please tell me. I have enjoyed many of the stories I have read on this forum and hope that others continue to write. The X universe has a great atmosphere about it.

[2X-sighted]

Nice start, a bit different from other stories I've seen here, which is great.

Would prefer not to have double spacing, everything else great!

[GoateeCat]

Style, grammar, sequence, its all there. You write well. Your choice of subject matter is highly amusing, a nice bit of wishful thinking given form.

Keep it up, I'm interested in what improvements youwould have made to the game

[CanadianBrit]

Good start to an X based story there. I look forward to the next part.

[Oldman]

I like the way the story 'borrows scenes' from present day situations but is set in some future scenario. ....yeah, I like the plot.

Trouble is....from a personal point of view I have great trouble concentrating on more than one story/book at a time
I've got various books (novels) at home that are waiting in line to be read, which on a side note is why I haven't followed up (at the moment) other stories on the forum (apologies 'Mercenary' ).
I suppose it could be something to do with the story's on the forum being roughly revolving around the same 'theme' (XT universe).

Anyway, this dosen't alter the fact that your story is quite readable IMHO, and as i've said, has an interesting view on futuristic game playing, plus the main character's 'life'.
Yep, I like the content....there again I liked the content of 'Mercs' story and maybe a few other peeps story's on the forum....maybe if you decide that you'd carry on with this one then you would perhaps put it into a format that could be downloaded at a later date if completed.

Oldman

[KiwiNZ]

Hey Dad

That is a cool read! I certainly would like to read more!

As to the line spacing, yup, you probably should reduce it to single and then make use of paragraphs.

Ask Steve, he seems to have lots of stuff on story-writing flying around his place

[Gvork]

Nice story, would agree with Kiwi that single spacing and paragraphs would be nice.Story flows very nicely, keep going.

[Mercenary]

Almost missed this one.

Good story and plenty of scope to give ideas for in game plots, enhancements etc..

Like the simulated environment, get the impression it's almost VR / holographic but not quite. If you remove the double line spacing but add an extra line between paragraphs then it makes it easier to read on the screen (but don't make the paragraphs too long).

Assisted with the design of a single seat simulator operated by linear actuators for use with VR and joystick controlled for my dissertation some time ago... Now those things can be fun. Yet there are other ways to trick the senses, pressure pads being one, but I digress...


Looking forward to more.

Merc

[SteveMill]

Sorry, can't read it in that format. My site, like K says, has a section for writers.

steve