Homebound ch 18 revised end (05/04/05)

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Al
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Post by Al »

Much better although I dont see the fight you mentioned..... :p

Al
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KiwiNZ
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Post by KiwiNZ »

Good change to the end. It prepares more for what is next to come. Though, knowing the old end it fills with enormous anticipation :D
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Charon_A
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Post by Charon_A »

:) Excellent reading :)

A bit of a question though. :wink:
Is it me or there is a little trouble with ship names in the middle of the chapter ? Is it Mamba Feran troops & Nye came in or is it Falcon ? I noticed that at least 2 times you called it Mamba and 3-4 times it was Falcon :P
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Mercenary
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Post by Mercenary »

Charon_A wrote::) Excellent reading :)

A bit of a question though. :wink:
Is it me or there is a little trouble with ship names in the middle of the chapter ? Is it Mamba Feran troops & Nye came in or is it Falcon ? I noticed that at least 2 times you called it Mamba and 3-4 times it was Falcon :P
I thought I'd manage to catch all those as, yes I did change the ship. Having thought about it, it didn't make sense to use the same ship Nye was delivered to Feran with as the pilot and co-pilot also worked with the Argon Secret Service.

There loyalties would be a touch stretched if they then threatened to kill her if she puts a toe out of line when working for Feran.

So I'll go back and take another look.
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Jenantar
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Post by Jenantar »

Lol. That was freakin fast Merc! ^^ This morning you posted chapter 2. And in the afternoon you post the rest of the chapter.
I promote thy brave soul for a medal in sciencefiction writing merc. ^^
Well. Not an official one. But one shoud be given to you since I personally believe this is the best fanfiction ever created here.

So basicly... Merc Rules!!! :lol:

And by the way... Its my 19'th bd today. I have the right to act dumb. :D
Every minute thats passing by cannot be undone... Live your life so you dont regret your past actions in the future...
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Graf_Grau
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Post by Graf_Grau »

Thats a much clearer end, nice one. It looks like a big fight is brewing I guess are next question will be is Cori going to help out in the defiance. It also seems to give a better build up to the previous ending with Tor about to escape. I have heard and agree that it is best to let the reader be in the know, even when I character is not when an opportunity to escape arises.
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