Homebound - chpt 15 complete (11/03/05)

[Mercenary]

Previous Chapters

Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3
Chapter 4 , Chapter 5 , Chapter 6
Chapter 7 , Chapter 8 , Chapter 9
Chapter 10 , Chapter 11 , Chapter 12
Chapter 13 , Chapter 14


completed under the =====

Chapter 15
**

The Paranid gave a low laugh.

"By the Three Dimensionality, there are bounty hunters after that one, and from all accounts they are closing in."

"Ahh, that is unfortunate for us both." Korecmancketras shifted slightly on his seat, and a gut reaction made him feel his guest was holding something back. Bounty hunters would always be after Nyeshta which made this revelation virtually meaningless.

"I can tell you where she was last seen, but that will cost you two thousand credits."

Korecmancketras smiled and held up his data pad, this was useful information. The info-broker did likewise and the credit transaction was made. Korecmancketras ensured a dormant trace program transferred across with credit transaction. If the information proved defective he would activate it and make a less than amicable and more than unexpected visit.

Satisfied the credit transfer was complete the info-broker spoke.

"Head for the trading station in Duke's Domain, but be discreet with who you ask questions."

"How reliable is this information?"

"Reliable enough, and if you doubt it, then follow the swarm of fighters who are closing in."

Korecmancketras frowned, but was certain he would have heard if Nyeshta had been captured or killed. He rose from his seat and glanced towards the info-broker, to comment.

"By the Three Dimensionality it is time for me to leave."

"Let the enlightened wisdom of his holiness guide you."

Korecmancketras strode away leaving the Paranid, who ordered a drink. The info-broker, satisfied that Korecmancketras had left, tapped on the comms console.

A non-descript shadowy figure appeared on the console.

"Yes?"

"You wanted to know if anyone asked after the Argon female?" The info-broker sat patiently waiting for a response. Long moments passed before the image responded.

"Go on."

"Korecmancketras, Serandamancketal's blood brother, has just asked where he can find her."

There was a long pause.

"Was anyone with him?"

"No."

"And what did you tell him?"

"Only that she was last seen in Duke's Domain."

Again there was a pause before the darkened image responded.

"You have done well. Expect payment as usual." The comm closed.

**

Tor shifted in his seat as the updated archive became live. He felt as though he had lost enough time sitting around waiting and immediately started to try and reduce the list.

"Computer show me only the scout ships and heavy fighters that left the station in the last tazura."

A few sezuras later the list updated.

"Remove all ships that were not piloted or had an Argon woman aboard."

The list reduced further and left fifty ships. Considerably more than he had expected to find.

"Okay, show me the names of pilots and passengers."

He spotted the name Julian Gardna and read the passenger name Sahra Homeleigh. Tor decided that he did not like coincidences.

"Computer replay news article on Jump capable Nova."

The article began to play on the screen.

"Freeze item and rewind five sezuras. Play at quarter speed. Freeze and grid. Centre and magnify C five to E seven." A pulse from the rear weapon obscured the view of the rear gunner. But he could tell that it was a woman who sat in the gunners seat.

"Play the next five frames." The image shifted.

"Pan image left to grid G four to I six."

Tor spent a few moments looking at the image. His heart quickened as he moved closer to the screen and squinted. The image was still too small for him to be absolutely certain, but in his heart he already knew it was her.

"Magnify by four." He sat back and quietly cursed as he looked at the image of Nyeshta.

The airlock door opened behind him and he turned to see Korecmancketras enter the ship. Tor spoke first.

"You need to see this."

"Nice picture, where was it taken?" Korecmancketras showed no hint of surprise and continued past Tor.

"Just outside this station. Strange thing is, the pilot works for Terracorp and jumped out of sector shortly after this was taken. I have a horrible feeling we might be too late."

"I wouldn't read too much into that. There's been a positive sighting of Nye in Duke's Domain."

Korecmancketras sat heavily in the pilot seat and started the pre-launch checks.

"Departure clearance granted." The computer said.

Tor turned and looked at Korecmancketras in surprise.

"If she's on a Terracorp ship, I'm pretty sure the pilot will soon find out she's wanted for theft."

"And much more. Nye is known to kill, and if the pilot has any sense they would drop her off at her desired destination without saying anything. Then let the bounty hunters know where she is, and get a finders reward."

"Wouldn't she make sure she disposed of the pilot so they couldn't do that?"

"That would be normal. But she might be losing her touch."

Tor glanced at the image and was lost in thought for a few moments before asking.

"So what else did you find out?"

The docking clamps released and the Paranid guided the ship towards the exit manually. He glanced towards Tor briefly before answering.

"The bounty hunters are aware of her location."

"What if I get the Defiance to meet us there?" Tor wondered how he might react if he ever met the Nova's pilot. He doubted it would be a friendly encounter.

"No! By the Three Dimensionality, we don't want to get into a fight."

"We might have to."

"The answer is still, no."

Tor frowned and felt perplexed, he turned and switched the screen before him to show the galactic map and mentally calculated how long it would take to reach the trading station.

The Perseus cleared the docking port and accelerated on full boost towards the gate.

**

Feran Bloodheart looked out of his office window and watched transports deliver supplies to the impressive bulk of the Python, Thirst. It had moved out of the enveloping nebula cloud and past the broken Earth gate to come to rest ten k's from the station.

Fighter groups moved around the ship in formation, not that the Python had much to fear. It had drawn the attention of the Khaak ships that manifested themselves in the sector, and with consummate ease eliminated them.

This was, to his mind, the way things should be. He called the elimination of the Khaak an act by the true heart of the fighting Split. No cowering in the shadows for his flagship. Feran mulled over the mental images of the Pythons glorious, sweeping entrance as phased photons cascaded from the multiple gun turrets reducing its enemies to vapour. He smiled as he reveled with the thought of its unstoppable might, and it was his to command. Just gazing at the lines of the ship he could tangibly taste its power, and it tasted sweet

"My Lord." Ganark interrupted his thoughts.

"What progress?" .

"We are ready, Lord."

"Good."

"Will you give the order now, Lord?"

Feran thought for a while, he was ready for the battle, and as he admired the Thirst he could already taste victory, but other wheels were in motion and the time was not yet right. He fought against his desire to strike now and revel in the joy it would give him to demonstrate that he was the ultimate power in the unregulated sectors.

"No. There are bigger prizes to be had. We must be patient."

Ganark looked puzzled, the word 'patient' was not one he would ever have associated with Feran. His Lord was keeping information very close to his chest and to his mind this showed a deepening lack of respect.

"My Lord, it would be dangerous to leave the squad in position for much longer."

"They will remain hidden. When the Thirst moves, our enemy will know that we come for him. And when our guns sweep aside their pathetic excuse for a fighting force, and beat down the shields of his station. Then the order will be given to attack from within."

"My Lord."

**

The journey to Duke's Domain was swift and uneventful and the Perseus glided into the trading station docking bay without delays.

Tor felt apprehensive as he checked the station archives and smiled when he saw the entry for the Nova. He looked towards Korecmancketras and said.

"Nyeshta did arrive here."

"Let's hope she's still here."

"Do I get to come with you this time?" Tor was anxious to hear information first hand.

"Scan the planetary transports and look for that name you found. She'll use it for a while yet." The Paranid laid a heavy hand on Tor's shoulder.

Tor turned to the console.

"Computer, run a scan of the station archive for the name Sahra Homeleigh over the last Tazura."

"Scanning."

Tor noticed that Korecmancketras was still standing behind him and glanced around with curiosity.

"Still here?"

"This won't take long." The Paranid watched the screen as a single reference appeared. Quietly he hoped there would be more but his gut feel was that this would be the only one.

Tor sat waiting expectantly until the computer reported.

"Scan complete."

Tor was surprised there were no more entries. By all appearance, the search would end here and, with a sense of hope, he looked over his shoulder saying.

"What do you make of this?"

"She arrived, but we already know that." Korecmancketras read the one entry several times and checked the date stamp. In his heart he knew too much time had elapsed for Nyeshta to have stayed in one place. This quietly worried him, but he felt the need not to make Tor aware of his concerns too early.

"And, according to this, she hasn't left yet."

"Your powers of deduction are remarkable. But, by the eyes of the Three Dimensionality, I don't think we'll find her on board." Korecmancketras patted Tor's shoulder and moved into the rear cabin.

Tor rose from his seat and followed. He felt that Korecmancketras enjoyed each opportunity to get in a little friendly abuse, and wondered if he made himself an easy target. He responded.

"Korec, I like your optimism. It's giving me a nice warm feeling inside."

"Good." Korecmancketras gave a wry smile as he opened the airlock doors.

+++++++++++

They stepped out and Tor moved ahead as Korecmancketras secured the ship. He watched Tor as he strolled casually away, and for the first time he noted the lazy, energy efficient movement, and some primeval memory stirred, that he was in the presence a predator moving obliviously through its prey.

He shook his head and chided himself that it was only Tor, and he was Argon, and the Argon lacked such finesse. With long strides he quickly caught up, to ask.

"So do you know where we're going?"

"No, I was ambling along, waiting for you to catch up and tell me."

"This way." Korecmancketras moved ahead.

The walkways were busy and Tor wondered if any one would recognise him, but he remembered the majority tended to make a point of ignoring what they considered lesser forms of existence. Even so, members of other races were interspersed amongst the crowd. Tor relaxed his mind and senses, he did not feel as though he being watched.

Korecmancketras stopped and looked around. Tor wondered why and cast his gaze to see if he could make out what his companion had found interesting. The Paranid nudged him.

"We go in here. Give me a few sezuras and then follow. Find a table and order yourself a drink. And keep alert as I make enquiries."

Tor simply gave a quick nod and Korecmancketras moved away. He meandered aimlessly for a brief time and then cut through the general flow of pedestrians and crossed the threshold of the bar. The sound of music and general hubbub of chatter hit him, as he passed through the noise reduction field.

His eyes adjusted to the comparative gloom of the room. The air was ladened with Paranid cigar smoke and the musty smell of ales and hot spicy Ferrocka. Three Teladi traders vacated a table close to the back wall of the room and moved towards the exit. As they passed him he could make out they were discussing the merits of Stott Spices in Paranid cuisine. He moved swiftly towards the table and sat down.

He tapped on the table screen and registered his credit chip to open a bar tab. There was a special offer on the Ferrocka drink, and the advert claimed the new drink that was becoming a favourite beverage amongst the younger Paranid generation. So he ordered one out of curiosity.

While he waited for the order to be processed, his eyes scanned the room, searching out the familiar face of Korecmancketras. His view was blocked by the presence of a heavy set Paranid, who looked less than pleased.

"By his holiness, you unholy scrapings off the toes of the Pontifex's pet Mahrecke. You have stolen my table. Vacate now and take your rancid features away from the glorious eyes of the Three Dimensionality."

Tor sat back.

"Your table?"

"You abomination to the greatness of the Three Dimensionality, you dare to sully me, and offend my ears with your foul words. Do not speak, do. And leave while I still have temper enough to let you live unpunished."

Tor quickly glanced around for another vacant table, there were none. The confrontation was quickly drawing interest from the clientele, but he noted the security guard at the entrance was taking a keen disinterest. He toyed with the idea of simply leaving and standing by the bar until another table came free. But if he did that then would lose face, with himself if not to all the Paranid around. They had become the focus of attention and he responded.

"There are three empty seats. You're welcome to sit here while I have my drink. Providing you know how to keep a civil tongue."

The Paranid looked incensed and adopted a highly aggressive stance. The multi-jointed arms moving apart, ready to put Tor in a bone crushing hold.

Tor glanced down to the strapping on his right hand. The Paranid moved to strike and with fast reflexes the arms snaked out to grab thin air. Tor's lighting reflexes had him shift to one side, his left hand closed around the Paranid's right wrist and brought the hand down so that it slammed onto the table with a resounding crack.

The Paranid's expression was of surprise and then he grimaced from the pain, his free hand lashed around to strike him. Tor ducked down and kicked out with left leg. It connected with the Paranid's right knee causing him to fall hard against the table.

Tor moved behind the Paranid as he struggled to stand up and leant heavily against his neck, forcing his head back on to the table. He spoke calmly.

"Now don't force to do something I might regret. But in the eyes of the Three Dimensionality, I would suggest that you take your hurt pride and find another table. This one's mine."

"By his holiness, I will hunt you down Argon."

"You'll be making a mistake if you do." Tor became aware that the security guard was only a short distance away and had drawn his blaster.

He released the Paranid and pushed him away. Tor sat down and the robot waiter appeared with his drink. The security guard exchanged a few words with Tor's attacker and holstered the blaster. The security guard stared at Tor for a while and he began to consider that a little humiliation might have been the better option. Eventually with a look of contempt he turned away and returned to his post beside the entrance.

Tor breathed a sigh of relief, and looked around to see if he could see Korecmancketras. He took a sip of the drink and immediately spat it back into the glass. He could feel his stomach turn over and put the drink down. Feeling the need to wash the taste from his mouth he diverted his attention to the screen and ordered an ale before resuming looking for Korecmancketras.

**

Korecmancketras studied the faces around him, and was aware of the general level of discomfort at Tor's continued presence. He had been worried that he would be forced to intervene on Tor's behalf, yet Tor had, in those few brief sezuras, overcome his opponent in moves that almost appeared lazy in their execution but whose speed was deceptive to the eye.

Yet, he found he could monopolise on the situation as the incident allowed him to open dialogue with the Paranid around him. An Argon beating a Paranid in a hand to hand fight, was virtually unheard of. It provided him with an opportunity to engage in friendly banter.

After a while he found himself in the company of a off duty station security officer. Having briefly spoken about the incident the officer commented.

"I expect he is another of these unholy Argon bounty hunters. Without their pitiful two dimensional insights, and a lack of appreciation for our principles and beliefs."

"Bounty hunters? You are troubled by them?"

"Constantly. Ever since some of the unholy claimed we assisted in the escape of one of their wanted."

"Of all the insolence. Why would they make such a claim?" Korecmancketras noticed his companions drink was empty and ordered him another.

"May the Pontifex, bless your generosity." The officer commented as the drink arrived. Korecmancketras tried to gauge how intoxicated his companion was. It took a Paranid to know how drunk another Paranid really is, and he gauged the officer was well on his way, but it would take a few more drinks to be absolutely certain.

A table became vacant and Korecmancketras indicated to his companion that they sit down. As they moved around the table he ensured he was facing into the room.

"So was it a dangerous criminal they're accusing you of helping to escape."

"Some unholy Argon female, I think the name was Ny-essa."

"It doesn't sound like a dangerous name." Korecmancketras took a light sip of his drink as the officer gulped down a large mouthful of ale.

"I have yet to meet a truly dangerous unholy Argon."

"Even the unholy one over there?"

"The unholy one is quick but his moves were predictable. Our enlightened brethren was too over anxious to prove himself. Had he taken his time the outcome would have been very different."

Korecmancketras doubted this would have been the case, but signed his agreement and gave a confident smile. He responded.

"My thoughts exactly. But if the unholy ones are bothering you about this Argon female, wouldn't it be better to find her and hand her over. This way you'd not have them wasting your time."

"A pious suggestion. We have searched, but have not found the unholy one."

"Hmm, well if she's not on board then I see no reason why the unholy should bother you." He took another sip of his drink, his companion took another large gulp.

"The unholy are too stubborn to accept our findings. And we have no reason to make the unholy aware of our superior abilities to scan ships."

"So you know what ship the unholy left on?"

The officer smiled and finished his drink, and Korecmancketras ordered another round.

===============

As time passed, Tor occasionally glanced around, and watched as Korecmancketras eventually made the gesture of farewell to his companion and left the bar. He remained seated for a few mizuras longer just to finish his drink. The temptation to drain the glass in one go reflected his keenness to find out if his Paranid friend had discovered anything of interest. He fought against the urge in order to appear unhurried.

He checked his time piece and stood up. A few final taps on the table screen put the display back to the initial options menu and he walked to the exit. As he stepped out of the bar two station police approached him. The taller of the two spoke but made no effort to look directly at Tor.

"In the name of the Pontifex Maximus Paranidia, you are under arrest for creating a disturbance."

Tor looked calm and caught sight of a worried looking Korecmancketras. He thought for a moment and then said.

"I am Tor Grall, a good friend of Polmanckelest. Who is waiting for my successful return to the lost sectors, having brought a message to his holiness the Pontifex that his Priest Champion is alive and well. I have traveled far to deliver this message, and I'm sure that neither the Priest Champion or the Pontifex will share their enlightenment with any that delay the Priest Champions glorious return."

Both Paranid looked perplexed and shot each other uncertain glances.

"What proof do you have that the mighty Priest Champion Polmanckelest is still alive?"

"Evidence? You want me to show you the Priest Champions personal message to the Pontifex?" Tor relaxed and shook his head while giving a wry smile. "No, the evidence is for the Pontifex alone to see."

The two Paranid looked at each other and spoke quietly. After a few sezuras they faced Tor and the taller one addressed him.

"You will come with us."

"Allow me one moment to converse with a friend and I'll be right with you."

The two station police glanced at each other and moved in a threatening pose to prevent him from wandering off. Tor smiled as he waved to Korecmancketras to join him. The officers looked at the newcomer with suspicion as Tor spoke.

"Korec, could you contact the Defiance and ask Corricel to come over. I'd appreciate it."

Korecmancketras looked at each of the two officers for a few moments before speaking to Tor.

"Shall I also contact his holiness to inform him of your delay?"

"I think that would be wise." Tor remained calm and composed, while both officers had the expression of confusion and indecision.

Korecmancketras turned and walked away. Tor knew that although there was no message, the Defiance archive would show that Polmanckelest was alive.

"Shall we go."

With each step Tor became more apprehensive that he had said anything at all. He reflected that he had little concept of Paranid Laws, and quietly rebuked himself as he considered that they would, in all likelihood, have a similar punishments to Argon Station Laws and fine him for the offence. Now that he had tried to talk his way out of the situation, by elevating his own importance, he began to wonder if he might have just talked himself into deeper trouble. Mentally he chastised himself.

'Engage brain, then engage mouth.'

They had barely reached the Hall of Correction before Tor's comm device activated and Corricel's voice spoke.

"I have arrived."

"Excellent, patch in to my datapad. I'll need battle footage of Priest Champion Polmanckelest."

"Acknowledged."

The two officers guided him to a room and Tor's feeling of apprehension grew. The room was in the traditional interrogation style, with stark bright colours on every surface, and the only furniture welded to the floor. He tried to lighten the mood.

"I think you need to use some nice soft pastel shades in here, to give the room a warm comfortable feeling."

"Sit."

Tor moved casually to the seat and found it to be arms length from the table. He had to perch on the edge in order to place his datapad on the surface.

"In the name of the Pontifex, show us the message!"

"No. That is for the divine eyes of the Pontifex alone. What I will show you is the Priest Champion engaging the Khaak. Ship identification, with audio visual, should be sufficient evidence to prove that he is alive and well."

Both officers stood and stared down at Tor, neither saying a word. A voice came over the hidden comm units and announced.

"In the enlightened eyes of the Three Dimensionality. The punishment for creating a disturbance on station is three Wozuras hard labour in the Ore Mines of Empires Edge, or a fifty thousand credit fine. Attempting to avoid payment by means of deception carries a three Mazura sentence in the Ore Mines."

The voice allowed time for this to sink in.

**

Nyeshta relaxed as the last vestiges of the interrogation drugs ebbed from her muscles and joints. The ship's cargo hold rattled and buzzed. The hum of the ion engines reverberated in the open space around her. She had found herself an open space to sit and quietly contemplate.

"Trust, it's all about trust." She muttered and considered that she didn't have any for them and, despite all her efforts to appear helpful, they had shown none towards her.

She had bought herself time by listening to their request carefully and eventually agreeing to help. Her jaw ached and her left eye had closed over with a vivid purple swelling. In their haste to persuade her, she felt as though they had also cracked two ribs on her right side. And still she had no idea who these people were or who they worked for.

It was only a small consolation that, she hoped, they were now heading towards Nopileo’s Memorial. During her interview, she had revealed the original plans were securely stowed on a station in that sector, and were only retrievable by her, in person, and alive. Nyeshta knew the station well, having spent long hours scouring the place for parts suitable to put into the Defiance.

She looked around the hold with her one good eye and wondered what class of ship they were transporting her in. The overall space was not large enough for a cargo ship of any kind, which was a comforting thought in itself. However it looked old, and she guessed it would be one of the obsolete fighter models.

This, to her mind, ruled out any of the race controlled secret service organisations. Which left the pirate clans, and this she found a disquieting thought. Nyeshta considered that any one of them would be looking for some tactical advantage over the others, or at least to balance the odds, now that the Bloodhearts had acquired a Python.

Time passed without any noticeable change in the sound of the engines. Only the occasional burst of the attitude thrusters made her aware of directional changes. Eventually the reverse thrusters engaged and Nyeshta took a deep breath, her mind raced with the thought they had arrived and were about to dock.

She knew that in a few mizuras they would let out and in her mind she had a plan to escape. Nyeshta smiled, it was a plan that could not go wrong. Even if they put a restraint collar on her.

The Paranid that had conducted the interview, opened the bulkhead door into the main cabin and stepped inside. A Split male followed him in. She did not recognise the newcomer and both were in civilian clothes.

Without a word they approached and slipped on the slave restraint unit. She could feel her muscles tense and then the traditional searing pain raced through her as they tested the unit. A brief cry of pain escape her, as she knew that any attempt to hold it back would only inspire her captors to test it again.

The Split triggered the cargo bay door release and stepped down the ramp. The Paranid moved behind her.

"Get up!"

Nyeshta eased herself up and followed the Split. She stepped out onto the delivery platform and her heart sank, this was not the right station. She looked around and caught sight of the motif blazoned on each door. Her knees felt weak.

[KiwiNZ]

Excellent read. It looks like all parties are gearing up for showdown. I am curious to see how Feran is linked into all this but presume he was the one the Paranid contacted. Presumably he sees her as a drawing card to get Tor.

Looking forward to the next part!


"leaving the Paranid to quietly to order a drink"

"glided in to the trading station docking bay" - into

"was still with standing behind him"

"with a sense of hope, looked over his shoulder saying." - he looked

[SteveMill]

Korecmancketras smiled and held up his data pad, this was useful information. The info-broker did likewise and the credit transaction was made. Korecmancketras ensured a dormant trace program transferred across with credit transaction. If the information proved defective he would activate it and make a less than amicable and [MORE THAN?] unexpected visit.

Nice. I'm looking forward to Feran getting some kind of kicking.

[Al]

You've got me curious too. nice section setting the scene for a little punch-up perhaps

Found this:

"Wouldn't she make sure she disposed of the pilot they couldn't do that?"

Al

[Mercenary]

Ahh yes, punch up on the way...

Corrections made to part 1 and part 2 added under the ++++

[KiwiNZ]

Excellent read. I love the Ferrocka, it reads so fluid ... how did you make that one up? Great atmosphere there and good development.

Looking forward to the next part!


"as though he being watched." was being

"But if he did that then would lose face"

"his free hand lashed around to strike him." - to strike his opponent? him sounds a bit lost

"kicked out with left leg"

"of a off duty station" - of an off duty?

[Al]

Nicely done Merc. Keep it coming

Al

[SteveMill]

Yes - good stuff.

[Graf_Grau]

Great read again Mercenary. I particularly like:

They stepped out and Tor moved ahead as Korecmancketras secured the ship. He watched Tor as he strolled casually away, and for the first time he noted the lazy, energy efficient movement, and some primeval memory stirred, that he was in the presence a predator moving obliviously through its prey.

He shook his head and chided himself that it was only Tor, and he was Argon, and the Argon lacked such finesse. With long strides he quickly caught up, to ask.

It is good that you are referring back to the earlier part of the story. with so much going on I had forgotten this.

<pause while GG tries to decide if he is being offensive.>

I know how hard it is to keep this balance between repeating things because youwrote them weeks ago and trying to develop the story. Far to often you come across bits in books where you think "I know all this why are you telling me again."

[therjw]

Very good stuff Merc. Cannot wait for the next part

[Gandalf The White]

Nice one merc! good going

[:Bulseye:]

Excellent story merc! I've read all of the Trader's Tale novels(in less than a week, they are so good ) and I must say they are great! I am currently writing my own X2 story on the FACTS site. If you want to see it access the link in my sig and go to the RPG forum.

Cheers
Bulseye

[Norse Player]

I've read all the chapters. In fact I think we're seeing a series of novels, though in electronic format You kept me glued to the chapters, and I was surprised to find it was still going strong, when you began last year. I think there's lots of thinking behind your books, so keep up the good work!! I wonder if Tor will end up with Nyeshta.....

Norse Player

[Mercenary]

Cheers all,

Really appreciate the feedback.

Chapter now completed under the ======



Merc.

[Al]

nice but short

Keep it coming

Al

[KiwiNZ]

That is a short finish but excellent one too. Hehe, now Tor and Corri need to make up a message that sounds convincing

Looks like Nye is in a bit of a situation. Well, bring it on.

Looking forward to the next chapter!


" carefully an eventually" - an=and

" would only have fine him for"

[SteveMill]

Nice - didn't like the last line though - it falls a bit flat and 'pay at the desk' seems to echo a human cliche. As a chapter end it seems to lack a hook. It's always good practice to end a chapter in a way that encourages the reader to read 'just one more chapter'.

If you have two plotlines running as you have here the easiest way to achieve this effect is swap between them, leaving each one on a small cliff-hanger hook.

If I were you I'd have picked up the story of his arrest and aftermath in a new chapter - leave him in trouble and go back to the trouble in the second plot line, like you did.

[Gandalf The White]

lol hehhehheh he's dropped himself right in it lol.

[Mercenary]

A re-ordering of events with a bit chopped out from one part and a bit added to another...