Academic quotes that sound bizarre out of context

[Usenko]

So this would have to be THE single best quote that I've EVER read in the context of my studies. I present it to you completely devoid of context, that you may bask in its warm glow . . .

Just think – if you’d brought a pig a hundred miles
to sacrifice it at a festival, only to find that the goddess preferred to see it crushed
under the wheels of a chariot carrying an enormous willy, wouldn’t you set up a
stele to commemorate it?

[Alan Phipps]

Not really as I can't see why you would wish to commemorate any of the following:

1. You stupidly transported a pig a hundred miles with all the difficulties, smell and mess entailed for no reason at all.
2. The goddess did not make the mission requirements clear at the start, only when it was too late.
3. The goddess is not interested in pig sacrifice, just in a big willy.
4. The pig is unlikely to appreciate having a memorial.

[decifer]

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour.”

Spoiler

Show

Albert Einstein about relativity

[clakclak]

Even the natural boundries were unnatural to fiefdoms - and there were reasons for it.

Original: Selbst die natürlichen Grenzen waren für das Fürstentum unnatürlich - und das hat seine Gründe.

Schubert, Ernst, Princely Rule and Territory in the Late Middle Ages. Encyclopedia of German History (35), 2006, 2nd edition, p. 6.

Schubert, Ernst, Fürstliche Herrschaft und Territorium im späten Mittelalter. Enzyklopädie Deutscher Geschichte (35), 2006, 2 Auflage, S. 6.

[fiksal]

ooff ... you know how to pick a narrow topic...

does my University professor count?

"there's always one person in every class who wants to be zapped by this"