Traders Tale - chapter 9 -completed (04/07/03)

Adamskini · Post by **Adamskini** » Thu, 3. Jul 03, 22:33

very descriptive

\o/

KiwiNZ · Post by **KiwiNZ** » Fri, 4. Jul 03, 01:42

Very nice!! Makes me want to visit X-four right away

Now was that smile of Nyeshta's a smile of relief or anticipation? And what was that thing at the last gate? Sounds like it could be more than imagination.

Looking forward to see how that all develops.

found a couple of things:
"dedicated accounts and appeared" - the 'and' should not be there, I believe

In the last sentences you keep repeating the word "material", four or five times in very short succession.

Moss · Post by **Moss** » Fri, 4. Jul 03, 10:26

Hehe, Ok so no transporting when aboard a station, except as a last resort.

Nice of the secret service to set up Tors new station for him! lets hope they chose a good spot. The description of the nebula was very good (be nice to see nebula like that in the game), and something stuck on the back of the gate, maybe he should have had a closer look at that!

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Fri, 4. Jul 03, 10:53

Cheers all,

Didn't quite manage to slip the anomoly on the gate past you..

KiwiNZ wrote:Very nice!! Makes me want to visit X-four right away

Now was that smile of Nyeshta's a smile of relief or anticipation? And what was that thing at the last gate? Sounds like it could be more than imagination.

Looking forward to see how that all develops.

found a couple of things:
"dedicated accounts and appeared" - the 'and' should not be there, I believe

In the last sentences you keep repeating the word "material", four or five times in very short succession.

There is a little bit of literary license being taken with the sector layout, however the storyline will overcome this.. The Khaak are there, they are waiting, biding their time, but they will be returning and the X-sectors, well... that'll be explained later...

Corrected and reworded...

Gandalf The White · Post by **Gandalf The White** » Fri, 4. Jul 03, 11:24

Hi Merc,

Very interesting. I especially like your description of the new sector, very good inteed

Fear · Post by **Fear** » Fri, 4. Jul 03, 15:14

I feel a bit of romance there with the nebulae in that last sector. Tor did bring enough wine along, should be a happy trip

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Fri, 4. Jul 03, 21:42

Sections a little shorter than the rest (chapter 6200+ words total)

Finished after the ++++++

Merc.

Quetz · Post by **Quetz** » Sat, 5. Jul 03, 01:23

Good chapter (again)

Quetz

Adamskini · Post by **Adamskini** » Sat, 5. Jul 03, 03:18

this little piggy stayed home ....

\o/

KiwiNZ · Post by **KiwiNZ** » Sat, 5. Jul 03, 03:28

Very good read! Nice description of station construction. Yet another unusual Split in the Universe

Perhaps there is just not enough foreign traffic going through the sector for him to dispose of slaves too frequently w/o running out of new ones

However, he seems to be more of a thinker than the others, which makes him more dangerous when it comes to a fight.

Looking forward to see what the next chapter has in store!

I found a few things

:
"behind and either side" - and=on?
"separate containers had been separated"
"outer inner and outer" - not sure if you really mean this or "inner and outer" could both be viable
"kicked or stuck" - struck?
"The doors closed behind him" - that reads a bit misleading, for a moment I thought Feran was still outside those doors, maybe move this sentence a bit up and use "behind them"
"The doors closed behind him ...... as they finally closed" - "closed" twice
"showing little sign of showing"

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Sat, 5. Jul 03, 08:25

Cheers all,

Thanks Kiwi, it should be me using the

face...

Corrected.

KiwiNZ · Post by **KiwiNZ** » Sat, 5. Jul 03, 08:32

Ah, nah, it is a lot of text and I know very well what a tough job it is to find typos in a text that one wrote up. Other people will always read it more careful because they do not know the actual content.
A few years back I have co-authored a climbing guide book, well the first one, and we kept reading through it again and again and always found more

to correct.
After all, the good thing of posting it here before publishing it on the CD is that you get quite a few people to proof-read it

Anyway, keep it up. Where is the next chapter? Haven't got anything to do at the moment

Moss · Post by **Moss** » Sat, 5. Jul 03, 10:03

Hmm some nasty eating habits these Split have here! I think i'll stick with the scalding hot Argon dishes the Boron serve up.

With the wall trophies and the choice of foods you make them seem very primitive in thier behaviour. Makes one wonder how the Split ever got into space, they must have been so busy killing each other how did they ever get time to invent space travel, unless they captured a ship or two at some point! ( Hehe, I wonder if Tor knows he's likely to be eaten if captured by Feran

).

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Sat, 5. Jul 03, 10:40

Moss wrote:Hmm some nasty eating habits these Split have here! I think i'll stick with the scalding hot Argon dishes the Boron serve up.

With the wall trophies and the choice of foods you make them seem very primitive in thier behaviour. Makes one wonder how the Split ever got into space, they must have been so busy killing each other how did they ever get time to invent space travel, unless they captured a ship or two at some point! ( Hehe, I wonder if Tor knows he's likely to be eaten if captured by Feran ).

Ah yes but where would the human race be if it wasn't for a bit of war

Necessity is the mother of invention, and a huge amount of stuff we have today is the by product of war. Though you could argue we would have got there in the end the chances are we would probably have only made it as far as the mud hut by now...

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Sat, 5. Jul 03, 10:52

KiwiNZ wrote:Ah, nah, it is a lot of text and I know very well what a tough job it is to find typos in a text that one wrote up. Other people will always read it more careful because they do not know the actual content.
A few years back I have co-authored a climbing guide book, well the first one, and we kept reading through it again and again and always found more to correct.
After all, the good thing of posting it here before publishing it on the CD is that you get quite a few people to proof-read it

Anyway, keep it up. Where is the next chapter? Haven't got anything to do at the moment

Very true and I've been re-reading through the earlier chapters and there's a fair amount of red pen for simple things like punctuation with the occasional reworded sentence... I've been editing the original chapters in the previous posts so they match the final draft...

Still have an anticipated 26 chapters to go which will make this one long story (avg 5000 - 6000 words per chap. about 156000 words to go.. in time for the X2 CD... umm... not with 25days to the cutoff...)

Anyway... the next chapter is underway, only 600'ish words so far...

egosoft.com

egosoft.com

Traders Tale - chapter 9 -completed (04/07/03)