The Gate - Chapter 6 complete (17/02/04)

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Sat, 14. Feb 04, 01:45

part 3 added.

Might be a delay with the next section. The assassin shows how nasty he is, so I'm going to tone it down and run it past the mods first as there's a broad range of ages across the forum.

Moss · Post by **Moss** » Sat, 14. Feb 04, 03:00

ThiRioth was delibrately aiming for intimidation to test Tor then, nearly worked too

I'm glad I wasn't there

. I don't like the sound of this un-facing tho.

ThaStornla being the Emperors son explains why he was treated with such deferance, but doesn't explain his friendliness towards Tor, not yet anyway and taking him back for the assasin hunt could put the survivors in danger if he should be attacked again, could be a headache for Tor because ThaStornlas safety will be an issue.

Looking forward to more, cheers Merc.

KiwiNZ · Post by **KiwiNZ** » Sat, 14. Feb 04, 05:42

Excellent piece! Interesting revelation but I kind of had a hunch ThaStornla would be the son of somebody of rather high rank. Emperor junior it is then

Well, the race is on. Good introduction of another potential victim, who I suppose is Tris. She may well be good bait or help in the capture of Ghaan. Still puzzled that ThiRiot let him go w/o any answers. But I also assume he did receive some background from not only the database but in particular from ThaStornla.

Looking forward to the next section. There should be some rapid development coming up.

"You in particular as the leader of your will people be charged with bringing to us the person that killed the Ambassador." - is that a back-to-front of will and people?

Do the Mohrabas actually know about the 'invisible' Asteroid? and that Tor makes use of it? Or has its location/existance been wiped off the history books?

Gandalf The White · Post by **Gandalf The White** » Sat, 14. Feb 04, 13:19

Interesting stuff Merc. Keep it coming.

KiwiNZ · Post by **KiwiNZ** » Sat, 14. Feb 04, 23:38

bump

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Sun, 15. Feb 04, 20:34

Cheers all...

(not that I'm bumping this from the 3rd page or anything)

KiwiNZ · Post by **KiwiNZ** » Mon, 16. Feb 04, 11:00

nah, you wouldn't do such thing, would you?

SteveMill · Post by **SteveMill** » Mon, 16. Feb 04, 11:16

Getting better and better.

Silio · Post by **Silio** » Tue, 17. Feb 04, 00:55

i have noticed the changes you made to the storyline since homebound
chapter 2, namely parrel...... and others but I can't wait for the next part.

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Tue, 17. Feb 04, 10:31

Cheers Silio,

Ah, yes the Homebound story will need a few edits..

Next part is being reviewed and stands a fair possibility that it may be trimmed for the forum.

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Tue, 17. Feb 04, 20:09

Shortened section under the ======

The master copy will have the missing part denoted by the **, but it's not potentially suitable for young readers.

Merc.

KiwiNZ · Post by **KiwiNZ** » Tue, 17. Feb 04, 21:14

Very good, if short, ending to the chapter. That got all sides moving. Though, I do thing Ghaan made a mistake there. Poisoning Wilandra 'in public' will be noticed by somebody, no matter how well he can mask it. So that may well be the noose that was waiting for his head.
ThiRiot does show trust, which is good, too. I guess he relies on ThaStornla's judgement.

Looking forward to the next bit .... this was just soooooo short

"What do you mean you can't the trace has gone cold?" - punctuation

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Tue, 17. Feb 04, 22:48

KiwiNZ wrote:Very good, if short, ending to the chapter. That got all sides moving. Though, I do thing Ghaan made a mistake there. Poisoning Wilandra 'in public' will be noticed by somebody, no matter how well he can mask it. So that may well be the noose that was waiting for his head.
ThiRiot does show trust, which is good, too. I guess he relies on ThaStornla's judgement.

Looking forward to the next bit .... this was just soooooo short

"What do you mean you can't the trace has gone cold?" - punctuation

This section was cut by about 600 words (probably over did it) but it was more from self moderation and with feedback from the proper mods.

The toxin is very nasty in the way it behaves. Dying is an eventuality. Ghaan has time to hide and change his identity.

Edited cheers.

Gandalf The White · Post by **Gandalf The White** » Wed, 18. Feb 04, 01:44

Hey that was pretty good going Merc.

Keep it up

Moss · Post by **Moss** » Wed, 18. Feb 04, 09:27

Mmm short but good read, except that it looks like someone tore a page out

SteveMill · Post by **SteveMill** » Wed, 18. Feb 04, 10:20

continuing to be good

Al · Post by Al » Thu, 19. Feb 04, 11:35

Good stuff Merc. Cant wait for the next chapter to start (and I promise to keep up this time!)

Al

Mercenary · Post by **Mercenary** » Thu, 19. Feb 04, 11:38

Moss wrote:Mmm short but good read, except that it looks like someone tore a page out

Happy to let people read the missing section but you'll need to PM me.

Disclaimer note:
The short section contains details deemed unsuitable for younger readers.

Moss · Post by **Moss** » Fri, 20. Feb 04, 14:35

PM sent and i'm looking forward to reading all of this chapter.

egosoft.com

egosoft.com

The Gate - Chapter 6 complete (17/02/04)

great story