X2: The Spoof
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GoateeCat
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red assassin
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XU Vagabond
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<Ore belt. Julian flys up to and hails the Argon collosus. A very nervous looking captain appears on screen>
Mik Balsawood: Ahhhh! who... who.... whooos that? Please don't hurt me.
Julian: I'm julian. Julian Brennan. Apparently. I'm a pirate
Mik Balsawood: Errr.... take everything and anyone you want just don't hurt me
Julian: Very generous of you but not this time. Damn Banna sent me to kill the khaak in this system
Mik Balsawood: oh thank you. thank you so much they're really really scary.
Julian: uh huh. BOO!
Mik Balsawood: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Julian: Did you know there's a pirate base in the sector?
Mik Balsawood: <look of horror on his face> Oh god, please no... I've gotta get out of here
Julian: hmmm good idea. Maybe you'll get reassigned to black hole sun. Right next to a xenon stronghold
<Mik Balsa faints with a thump on the floor. His first officer appears onscreen>
Julian: That was fun.
the funnist part please more-
Darcikon
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comradesniper
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fantastic!
you should work on the expansion and guide them with the plot!
naming system.
CCCP-1XXX M5 class ships
CCCP-2XXX TS cargo ships
CCCP-3XXX M4 class fighters
CCCP-4XXX M3 class fighters
CCCP-5XXX TP class ships
CCCP-6XXX M6 class corvettes
CCCP-7XXX TL class transports
CCCP-8XXX M2 class cruisers
CCCP-9XXX M1 class carriers
CCCP-1XXX M5 class ships
CCCP-2XXX TS cargo ships
CCCP-3XXX M4 class fighters
CCCP-4XXX M3 class fighters
CCCP-5XXX TP class ships
CCCP-6XXX M6 class corvettes
CCCP-7XXX TL class transports
CCCP-8XXX M2 class cruisers
CCCP-9XXX M1 class carriers
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Nyax
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Ray Driver
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The_Reaper`
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CBJ
- EGOSOFT
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The_Reaper`
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It wasn't me, it was my mate (known to some people as Spoonguard). He made me do it! I'm opressed!
See all of Lowd of the Wingth and more www.freewebs.com/lucidconception
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Tyepo
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Heres my bit for the end portion
In the wait, I thought id try my hand at this parady stuff... enjoy!
<Back in Argon Prime>
Damn Bana - Good to see you again my lifelong best buddy! I hear that things went well in Ore Belt!
Julian - and my reward would be.........
Damn Bana - Who needs rewards when you have the opportunity to continue this wonderfully scripted plot!
Julian - What about the several hundred thousand credits I just spent in repairs.........
Damn Bana - ummm
Julian - Never mind! lets just get this plot over with shall we?
Damn Bana - Right um, we need you to scout a khaak sector for the black box of your father's ship...
Julian - Where by chance did you get coordinates to a khaak sector?
Damn Bana - never mind that
Julian - And this black box is supposed to tell us what exactly?.....
Damn Bana - what happened to your father
Julian - Let me get this straight....You want me to jump into a khaak sector full of who knows what, to grab a black box that basically tells us what we already know?!?
Damn Bana - Exactly but dont worry we dont want anything to happen to you so were gonna make sure you are equipped to survive.
Julian - Your giving me a psg equipped Odyssius?, a superfast Dragon?
Damn Bana - Actually I want you to meet with Saya Kho and discuss the requisition of a nice Hydra!
Julian - Youve got to be kidding.
Damn Bana - Just meet with Saya at some Boron sector (honestly I dont remember which) and she will update you further.
Julian - Can I just use my ship?
Damn Bana - No
Julian - @#$%, ok im on my way.
<At the Boron Sector>
Saya - There you are sweetheart Ive been waiting for Jaruzas for you to get here! Oh please dont go through with this mission! Id worry sick about you!
Julian - Oh ok, bye!
Saya - Wait darling! I have to finish my plot driven speech!
Julian - Fine...can I seta through it?
Saya - nope, youll be happy to know we have a nice hydra for you yet theres a slight problem.
Julian - Good this means I can just use my ship then?
Saya - No you still have to use the Hydra, and to boot the ship is owned by Mi Ton
Julian - I cant believe this is happening to me. You AND Mi Ton! Its like mission 2 all over again! Im still trying to recover from that.... So pretty much I have to pursuade Mi Ton to lend me a ship that I dont even want?
Saya - Yep, and its gonna cost you. He wants 150,000 creds to let you use his ship.
Julian - Your part of a big billion credit corporation and you want me to pay for the ship?!? Why oh why didnt you shove him out of the airlock!
Saya - But then you wouldnt have such colorful characters to go through the plot with!
Julian - And thats a bad thing? Fine Ill just give him the money....Anything to keep from tacking another conversation.
<Jumps into the khaak sector with the Hydra, and gets blown up, reloads and upgrades the speed of the Hydra. Jumps back in and gets the black box and returns it to Saya>
Saya - You made it back!!! I was so worried!!! Ive downoaded the information on the black box......
Julian - but I never gave it to you.....
Saya - transporters, gotta love em, anyhow you have to see this! downloading to your ships computer.
Julian - Ooookkk theyre trying to capture him by cutting his ship open... Wouldnt the decompression kill him?!
Saya <shrugs>
Damn Bana <over the com> Weve Just received word that a fleet of khaak ships just entered Omicron Lyre, you, Brett, and Saya are to rendevoux the fleet at the west gate.
Saya - Ok jumping now, see you there Julian!
Julian - huh, what......hey wait up! Cant I get jump coordinates? <Saya and Brett jump out leaving Julian all alone, he looks at his map and cannot seem to find Omicron Lyre anywhere. After searching for ages he finally finds the sector and enters the west gate.>
Brett - Hey hey, glad you can make it Jules!
Julian - you mean the battles just started?, what have you guys been doing for the past 3 hours?!?
Brett - we were....err...um.......
Julian - Why do I even bother!
<Julian looks around at the argon capital ships in the area....>
Julian - <to Damn Bana over the com> And you need my help?!?
Damn Bana - Of course, we need you, Brett, and Saya to charge those really big and scary ships over there, get in specific positions right next to the hull of the really really big one in the center while trying to avoid those laser beams firing from the smaller capital ships. We will try and keep the khaak off you while you do this, although we are very lousy at this and you will have to kill most on your own.
Julian - And I thought this was going to be hard........
<after a rather lengthy trip to the formation of capital ships filled with countless battles with khaak fighters, Julian, Saya, and Brett start to get into position.
Saya - Ive taken some damage but I think Ill make it.....
Julian - You didnt take any damage.
Saya - Shut up your spoiling the tension!
<Everyone gets into position around the really really big and scary khaak ship>
Damn Bana - By gosh I think its working! Just a little long....Weve almost got him......damn, they got him back! Oh no, the ship is firing!!!
<the M0 fires and misses the planet, Julians jaw drops>
Julian - howd....?!? it was right in front of it!!! How on earth could they have missed?? For such a superior race, they sure are lousy shots. What were we worried about again?
Damn Bana - well we had to have some way of dragging this mission out more.
Julian - what a supprise..... ok what absurdly dangerous task must I do now?
Damn Bana - All these little targets around the ship are interfering with the signal and must be destroyed!
Julian - Great, and would I be given any sort of cover fire while I do this?
Damn Bana - What!? and get black marks all over my shiny Argon One! I think ill just stand out here and watch.
<Julian starts trying to hit the little blue spots on the side of the hull cursing himself at having not brought a psg. In the meantime Khaak start popping up near him at an alarming rate, and several reloads later the targets are destroyed.>
Damn Bana - Ok time to get back in your spots to try this again.
Saya - Ive taken heavy damage, but I think I can still make it.
Julian - What damage! Ive been doing all the fighting.
<The three of them manage to get back into position>
Damn Bana - Ok almost got him, its working!......No somethings wrong!
Julian - Not again!!!
Brett - wait that thing down there is glowing, it might be interfering with the signal too. I think ill go and run my ship into it turning myself into a hero.
Julian - Arnt you supposed to stay there so the transport can work? Oh so I guess all this crap of getting into "position" was a waste of time?
Brett - yep, ok im off to kill myself <he actually does this>
Julian - <starts to give Brett the idea of possibly using a missile or something, but then realizes the opportunity to get rid of one annoying character at least> Ok cya Brett
Saya - nooooooooo!
Damn Bana - I think that did it! Ive got Kyle!
Julian - about time!
Saya - Oh no! the ship is imploding on itself...I cant seem to get away!!!
Julian - How you managed to critically damage your ship without being in a fight is beyond me.
<the M0 explodes>
Damn Bana - I managed to save Saya and shes going to be ok, your father on the other hand isnt looking good. Hes in some sort of coma.
Julian - Sooo youll be calling me back when hes better? I really could use a loan after all the money I spent trying to save his butt.
Damn Bana - Nope, this is the end of the plot. But you should be happy in the knowledge that hes safe and sound.
Julian - Soooo I save the universe and I dont get any money?
Damn Bana - sorry, but your on your own now, thanks for working for us. Bye!!!
Julian - nuts to it <immediately afterward, he gets a message from the computer saying that one of his ships is under attack> ???
In the wait, I thought id try my hand at this parady stuff... enjoy!
<Back in Argon Prime>
Damn Bana - Good to see you again my lifelong best buddy! I hear that things went well in Ore Belt!
Julian - and my reward would be.........
Damn Bana - Who needs rewards when you have the opportunity to continue this wonderfully scripted plot!
Julian - What about the several hundred thousand credits I just spent in repairs.........
Damn Bana - ummm
Julian - Never mind! lets just get this plot over with shall we?
Damn Bana - Right um, we need you to scout a khaak sector for the black box of your father's ship...
Julian - Where by chance did you get coordinates to a khaak sector?
Damn Bana - never mind that
Julian - And this black box is supposed to tell us what exactly?.....
Damn Bana - what happened to your father
Julian - Let me get this straight....You want me to jump into a khaak sector full of who knows what, to grab a black box that basically tells us what we already know?!?
Damn Bana - Exactly but dont worry we dont want anything to happen to you so were gonna make sure you are equipped to survive.
Julian - Your giving me a psg equipped Odyssius?, a superfast Dragon?
Damn Bana - Actually I want you to meet with Saya Kho and discuss the requisition of a nice Hydra!
Julian - Youve got to be kidding.
Damn Bana - Just meet with Saya at some Boron sector (honestly I dont remember which) and she will update you further.
Julian - Can I just use my ship?
Damn Bana - No
Julian - @#$%, ok im on my way.
<At the Boron Sector>
Saya - There you are sweetheart Ive been waiting for Jaruzas for you to get here! Oh please dont go through with this mission! Id worry sick about you!
Julian - Oh ok, bye!
Saya - Wait darling! I have to finish my plot driven speech!
Julian - Fine...can I seta through it?
Saya - nope, youll be happy to know we have a nice hydra for you yet theres a slight problem.
Julian - Good this means I can just use my ship then?
Saya - No you still have to use the Hydra, and to boot the ship is owned by Mi Ton
Julian - I cant believe this is happening to me. You AND Mi Ton! Its like mission 2 all over again! Im still trying to recover from that.... So pretty much I have to pursuade Mi Ton to lend me a ship that I dont even want?
Saya - Yep, and its gonna cost you. He wants 150,000 creds to let you use his ship.
Julian - Your part of a big billion credit corporation and you want me to pay for the ship?!? Why oh why didnt you shove him out of the airlock!
Saya - But then you wouldnt have such colorful characters to go through the plot with!
Julian - And thats a bad thing? Fine Ill just give him the money....Anything to keep from tacking another conversation.
<Jumps into the khaak sector with the Hydra, and gets blown up, reloads and upgrades the speed of the Hydra. Jumps back in and gets the black box and returns it to Saya>
Saya - You made it back!!! I was so worried!!! Ive downoaded the information on the black box......
Julian - but I never gave it to you.....
Saya - transporters, gotta love em, anyhow you have to see this! downloading to your ships computer.
Julian - Ooookkk theyre trying to capture him by cutting his ship open... Wouldnt the decompression kill him?!
Saya <shrugs>
Damn Bana <over the com> Weve Just received word that a fleet of khaak ships just entered Omicron Lyre, you, Brett, and Saya are to rendevoux the fleet at the west gate.
Saya - Ok jumping now, see you there Julian!
Julian - huh, what......hey wait up! Cant I get jump coordinates? <Saya and Brett jump out leaving Julian all alone, he looks at his map and cannot seem to find Omicron Lyre anywhere. After searching for ages he finally finds the sector and enters the west gate.>
Brett - Hey hey, glad you can make it Jules!
Julian - you mean the battles just started?, what have you guys been doing for the past 3 hours?!?
Brett - we were....err...um.......
Julian - Why do I even bother!
<Julian looks around at the argon capital ships in the area....>
Julian - <to Damn Bana over the com> And you need my help?!?
Damn Bana - Of course, we need you, Brett, and Saya to charge those really big and scary ships over there, get in specific positions right next to the hull of the really really big one in the center while trying to avoid those laser beams firing from the smaller capital ships. We will try and keep the khaak off you while you do this, although we are very lousy at this and you will have to kill most on your own.
Julian - And I thought this was going to be hard........
<after a rather lengthy trip to the formation of capital ships filled with countless battles with khaak fighters, Julian, Saya, and Brett start to get into position.
Saya - Ive taken some damage but I think Ill make it.....
Julian - You didnt take any damage.
Saya - Shut up your spoiling the tension!
<Everyone gets into position around the really really big and scary khaak ship>
Damn Bana - By gosh I think its working! Just a little long....Weve almost got him......damn, they got him back! Oh no, the ship is firing!!!
<the M0 fires and misses the planet, Julians jaw drops>
Julian - howd....?!? it was right in front of it!!! How on earth could they have missed?? For such a superior race, they sure are lousy shots. What were we worried about again?
Damn Bana - well we had to have some way of dragging this mission out more.
Julian - what a supprise..... ok what absurdly dangerous task must I do now?
Damn Bana - All these little targets around the ship are interfering with the signal and must be destroyed!
Julian - Great, and would I be given any sort of cover fire while I do this?
Damn Bana - What!? and get black marks all over my shiny Argon One! I think ill just stand out here and watch.
<Julian starts trying to hit the little blue spots on the side of the hull cursing himself at having not brought a psg. In the meantime Khaak start popping up near him at an alarming rate, and several reloads later the targets are destroyed.>
Damn Bana - Ok time to get back in your spots to try this again.
Saya - Ive taken heavy damage, but I think I can still make it.
Julian - What damage! Ive been doing all the fighting.
<The three of them manage to get back into position>
Damn Bana - Ok almost got him, its working!......No somethings wrong!
Julian - Not again!!!
Brett - wait that thing down there is glowing, it might be interfering with the signal too. I think ill go and run my ship into it turning myself into a hero.
Julian - Arnt you supposed to stay there so the transport can work? Oh so I guess all this crap of getting into "position" was a waste of time?
Brett - yep, ok im off to kill myself <he actually does this>
Julian - <starts to give Brett the idea of possibly using a missile or something, but then realizes the opportunity to get rid of one annoying character at least> Ok cya Brett
Saya - nooooooooo!
Damn Bana - I think that did it! Ive got Kyle!
Julian - about time!
Saya - Oh no! the ship is imploding on itself...I cant seem to get away!!!
Julian - How you managed to critically damage your ship without being in a fight is beyond me.
<the M0 explodes>
Damn Bana - I managed to save Saya and shes going to be ok, your father on the other hand isnt looking good. Hes in some sort of coma.
Julian - Sooo youll be calling me back when hes better? I really could use a loan after all the money I spent trying to save his butt.
Damn Bana - Nope, this is the end of the plot. But you should be happy in the knowledge that hes safe and sound.
Julian - Soooo I save the universe and I dont get any money?
Damn Bana - sorry, but your on your own now, thanks for working for us. Bye!!!
Julian - nuts to it <immediately afterward, he gets a message from the computer saying that one of his ships is under attack> ???
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Deleted User
ROFLMAO! this is my first visit to the creative forum - certainly a good impression! excellent stuff, mate! (i'd say "keep it coming", but its a bit late for that). just one other thing - i bet that when the Xpansion comes out some two-bit idiot will try to spooferise it's plot, and do so badly. be vigilant all who read this thread!-
Nyax
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Tyepo
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esd
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