So what is the diffrence between Xela(the AI that is in the maintenance droid wreaking havoc on the hangar bay and Zee or are they both the same thing?SteveMill wrote:She's a beyond the state of the art AI developed partly from Xenon technology and based on the dead cousin of Gragore Marteene named Hela. She was working for a secretive trans species intelligence unit when she and the real Max Force were killed by an Argon intelligence operation.Fear wrote:Who is that Zee thingy is that the name of the Bot where Xela is in?
Gragore was recruited to take over her work, and bodily altered to pass as Max Force and given the AI, which was prepared in case Hela was lost, to continue her mission, which was to prevent the pirate clans gaining access to a crashed alien spacecraft with a revolutionary drive system (one of the UFO's), the location of which is only sketchily known.
Confused? You will be, in the next episode of Rogues Revenge (with due acknowledgement of that old classic, "Soap", one of the funniest things ever, at the time.)
Rogues Revenge Ch 6: completed 12/6/03
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Fear
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"Black holes suck"
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"Black holes suck"
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Gandalf The White
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You mean the Brenna n's Triamf base? Hmmm, yes, could do that. how about a picture of the Mamba, streeking through space towards it? or, a missile heading towards a Pirate base with the Mamba trailing in it's wake?
some who deserve life receive death. Others who deserve death receive life. Can you give it to them? Don't be eager to deal out death in judgement, for not even the wise can see all ends.
I wasn't thinking of a particular base, there's three prominent in the story so it's ambigious.The Doctor wrote:You mean the Brenna n's Triamf base? Hmmm, yes, could do that. how about a picture of the Mamba, streeking through space towards it? or, a missile heading towards a Pirate base with the Mamba trailing in it's wake?
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Gandalf The White
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Yes, but I was thinking of the Skull one, as that's the base that I remember so well. But yeah, that could work.
some who deserve life receive death. Others who deserve death receive life. Can you give it to them? Don't be eager to deal out death in judgement, for not even the wise can see all ends.
Now thats more like it. Good ol' Max at his best.
Noticed this:
"him to breathe his mouth " missing a "through".
I think something is missing here. He says "good call, Zee" for her accurate information but at no point do you say that Zee has been in contact. Just seems as though there is a little bit missing.
Anyways great read and I cant wait to see what happens next.
Al
Noticed this:
"him to breathe his mouth " missing a "through".
I think something is missing here. He says "good call, Zee" for her accurate information but at no point do you say that Zee has been in contact. Just seems as though there is a little bit missing.
Anyways great read and I cant wait to see what happens next.
Al
good call on the missing word. The other i stand by - I think the episodic nature of the posting means you've forgotten the references to him acting on the accurate information Zee gave him on his route layout, enabling him to take out defensive positions instantly.Al wrote:Now thats more like it. Good ol' Max at his best.
Noticed this:
"him to breathe his mouth " missing a "through".
I think something is missing here. He says "good call, Zee" for her accurate information but at no point do you say that Zee has been in contact. Just seems as though there is a little bit missing.
Anyways great read and I cant wait to see what happens next.
Al
steve
I understand that but its just before that section he's trying to get in contact with Zee and there is no mention of this happening before uses the information to take out the defense turret. Do you see what I'm getting at?
To me it seems as though there is a missing section where Zee tells him about the hatch and/or defense turret.
Al
To me it seems as though there is a missing section where Zee tells him about the hatch and/or defense turret.
Al
I think this is the section that Al is talking about.. The feeling that Max has been cut off from Zee and is on his own and the next moment he's thanking Zee..“Damn, the power’s been cut. You there Zee?” he shouted, hoping Xela had reached Waypoint Two and hooked back into the comm. system. “Zee?” There was no reply and he could hear boots ahead, above the alert klaxon, pounding towards him. At least five sets, with the choking smoke at his back, blocking retreat.
“Dammit Zee, hurry!” he muttered, firing a sustained double burst down the curving corridor, cutting down the first two troops as they appeared. It gained him enough time to blast open the small floor level panel to the evacuation crawl-way running up alongside the lift shaft and duck inside.
He slid two levels down the ladder without touching the rungs, oblivious of the friction burns on his palms. Something small fell past him and holding on with one hand he fired blindly up the narrow shaft. There was an explosion far below.
Blasting off the magnetic seal and kicking the hatch open he swung through, rolling across the corridor and coming to his knees to snapshot the ceiling mounted point defence turret before it could fire.
‘Good call, Zee,’ he muttered in thanks for her accurate information. Max blindly sprayed fire up the shaft again and a body fell past, her screams dopplering away.
It's just slightly disconnected.. Something added like, "Max heard a buzz as Zee re-connected." might help... but it's just a suggestion.
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Gandalf The White
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- Joined: Sat, 9. Nov 02, 12:21
I thought it was clear he was out of touch with her and was just talking to himself when she comes back online. He was briefed back in the cell and he's clearly out of touch when he speaks to himself.Mercenary wrote:I think this is the section that Al is talking about.. The feeling that Max has been cut off from Zee and is on his own and the next moment he's thanking Zee..“Damn, the power’s been cut. You there Zee?” he shouted, hoping Xela had reached Waypoint Two and hooked back into the comm. system. “Zee?” There was no reply and he could hear boots ahead, above the alert klaxon, pounding towards him. At least five sets, with the choking smoke at his back, blocking retreat.
“Dammit Zee, hurry!” he muttered, firing a sustained double burst down the curving corridor, cutting down the first two troops as they appeared. It gained him enough time to blast open the small floor level panel to the evacuation crawl-way running up alongside the lift shaft and duck inside.
He slid two levels down the ladder without touching the rungs, oblivious of the friction burns on his palms. Something small fell past him and holding on with one hand he fired blindly up the narrow shaft. There was an explosion far below.
Blasting off the magnetic seal and kicking the hatch open he swung through, rolling across the corridor and coming to his knees to snapshot the ceiling mounted point defence turret before it could fire.
‘Good call, Zee,’ he muttered in thanks for her accurate information. Max blindly sprayed fire up the shaft again and a body fell past, her screams dopplering away.
It's just slightly disconnected.. Something added like, "Max heard a buzz as Zee re-connected."
But if it's confusing, it's confusing so i've made some minor changes. My fear is that reiterating information in a chapter to compensate for the episodic nature would look bad when read as a whole. A fine line to walk.
Thanks as ever for the editorial input guys, it's really helpful.
Woohoo! Now that is an exciting run for his life! I like it, though the level of description is increadibly high and detailed 
Looking forward to see how he gets out o his current misery! Should not be all that easy with him being trapped in cross-fire.
found one thing:
" fuelled by adrenaline fear and the powerful stimulant" - adrinaline, fear
Looking forward to see how he gets out o his current misery! Should not be all that easy with him being trapped in cross-fire.
found one thing:
" fuelled by adrenaline fear and the powerful stimulant" - adrinaline, fear
Nope, correct spelling (according to the dubious authority of word anyway)and punctuation, adrenaline fear is used as one concept here.KiwiNZ wrote:Woohoo! Now that is an exciting run for his life! I like it, though the level of description is increadibly high and detailed
Looking forward to see how he gets out o his current misery! Should not be all that easy with him being trapped in cross-fire.
found one thing:
" fuelled by adrenaline fear and the powerful stimulant" - adrinaline, fear
Do you think the level of detail too high? I haven't written a sequence like this before.
SteveMill wrote:Nope, correct spelling (according to the dubious authority of word anyway)and punctuation, adrenaline fear is used as one concept here.KiwiNZ wrote:Woohoo! Now that is an exciting run for his life! I like it, though the level of description is increadibly high and detailed
Looking forward to see how he gets out o his current misery! Should not be all that easy with him being trapped in cross-fire.
found one thing:
" fuelled by adrenaline fear and the powerful stimulant" - adrinaline, fear
Do you think the level of detail too high? I haven't written a sequence like this before.
Level of detail is good!
I guess, like you mention before, it's more a matter of if it fits in with the rest of the story in terms of consistancy, and whether the level of violence and detail is that much higher than similar events.
For example whan Law decided to take his anger out on the station command crew.
Personally speaking the style suits the moment. If there's one thing I might question it Max setting the weapons to blast mode. It seems too extreme if it literally tears people apart. It also means there's a hell of a lot of gue around and the potential for one to lose ones' footing and slip in the slimy stuff is raised.
but if the kill setting is countered by the guards body armour then that's a hazard Max will have to endure...