Rogues Revenge: Chapter 1, completed 30.4.03

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Deleted User

Post by Deleted User » Tue, 29. Apr 03, 14:54

Great stuff.

IO
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Al
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Post by Al » Tue, 29. Apr 03, 15:05

Great to see this already. Not good times for Max but nobody said life was a bed of roses ;)

Couple of points:

1. "Xela did not like what see saw" "see" should be "she"?

I'm sure there was another but I cant find it now. I'll re-read it later.

Al

Ps Keep it coming :)
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Mercenary
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Post by Mercenary » Tue, 29. Apr 03, 17:39

Max, a man on the edge....

There's so much for Max to get over I can see him going solo in his thirst for revenge (once he's over the initial shock and puts the bottle down :wink: )... but then again I guess it wouldn't take much to get the remainder of the Raiders really stirred up when they can track Law down...

Good stuff, looking forward to seeing how they're going to try and get Law...
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Aye Capn
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Post by Aye Capn » Tue, 29. Apr 03, 21:53

Great story, but one minor quibble: you've used the word "enervate" twice (once in this chapter, once in the previous) when you mean "energize" or "invigorate". I believe "enervate" means the opposite. Enervate means to drain of will, energy, or motive; to weaken.

I like the story, though ... can't wait for the next installment!
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KiwiNZ
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Post by KiwiNZ » Tue, 29. Apr 03, 23:25

Excellent start of the end :D

That is even kind of painful to read in sympathy with Max. Having lost so many people that are important to him in one go has everybody hit the ground.

Cool, can't wait for more.

found one thing

"tossed the empty aside" did you deliberately drop the bottle?
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Faze
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Post by Faze » Tue, 29. Apr 03, 23:32

Love it Steve, just keep it coming.

:p
:p
:p
No point in running.
You will just DIE tired!

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak !
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Adamskini
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Post by Adamskini » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 00:33

weeeewooooooo

\o/
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Moss
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Post by Moss » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 01:16

Great read Steve, so much happening, seems just about everyone, except Max at the moment, want some sort of payback for whats happened. can hardly wait to see how it all turns out.
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SteveMill
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Post by SteveMill » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 07:19

Aye Capn wrote:Great story, but one minor quibble: you've used the word "enervate" twice (once in this chapter, once in the previous) when you mean "energize" or "invigorate". I believe "enervate" means the opposite. Enervate means to drain of will, energy, or motive; to weaken.

I like the story, though ... can't wait for the next installment!
Thanks, the word I was trying to use was innervate. cheers
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SteveMill
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Post by SteveMill » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 07:22

KiwiNZ wrote:Excellent start of the end :D

That is even kind of painful to read in sympathy with Max. Having lost so many people that are important to him in one go has everybody hit the ground.

Cool, can't wait for more.

found one thing

"tossed the empty aside" did you deliberately drop the bottle?
Yes, not sure what you mean? "The empty" is an English phrase meaning an empty bottle.

More coming soon.
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Oldman
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Post by Oldman » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 08:37

Good read again....even if a little sad for Max :(
Looking forward to seeing what develops now :? :D

Oldman :)
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SteveMill
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Post by SteveMill » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 12:45

Oldman wrote:Good read again....even if a little sad for Max :(
Looking forward to seeing what develops now :? :D

Oldman :)
Look forward no longer! :)

The last part of the chapter is here. :D
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Al
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Post by Al » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 13:13

Looking good although I'm going to reply as I read through for once!

1. "The last movements of the Challenger ship narrowed the possibilities but another was necessary. " Another what was necessary? Something missing here.

Great turn of events although probably not for Tyre's shoes ;)

Al
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SteveMill
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Post by SteveMill » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 13:18

Al wrote:Looking good although I'm going to reply as I read through for once!

1. "The last movements of the Challenger ship narrowed the possibilities but another was necessary. " Another what was necessary? Something missing here.

Great turn of events although probably not for Tyre's shoes ;)

Al
Thanks, the word "search" was missing. Added in.
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KiwiNZ
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Post by KiwiNZ » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 13:21

Now that is a ncie turn :D I sort of expected this one but it is cool to read it in your words. Excellent work, Steve. Sent a chill down my spine, could be the low temperature, though :lol:

Looking forward to the next step of Max'. Keep it coming!


I must be tired, don't think I found typos in there :D
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SteveMill
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Post by SteveMill » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 13:25

KiwiNZ wrote:Now that is a ncie turn :D I sort of expected this one but it is cool to read it in your words. Excellent work, Steve. Sent a chill down my spine, could be the low temperature, though :lol:

Looking forward to the next step of Max'. Keep it coming!


I must be tired, don't think I found typos in there :D
Damn, you anticipated the ironic rekindling of his spirit by Law. note to self, be more unpredicatable!
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Gandalf The White
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Post by Gandalf The White » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 13:28

Exterminate! Annihilate! Destroy!

I new it would happen! Well, there is going to be one hell of a war now! Brilliant! Brilliant!

Really good chapter Steve.
some who deserve life receive death. Others who deserve death receive life. Can you give it to them? Don't be eager to deal out death in judgement, for not even the wise can see all ends.
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Adamskini
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Post by Adamskini » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 14:18

omg, i didnt see that coming at all .... this makes it even more interesting

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Moss
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Post by Moss » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 15:38

Ahh motivated again :D and Xela cheered!!! :o

It's a shame you have to keep younger readers in mind when writting because when Max finaly does get Law I would love to see him suffer horribly for all he has done. Great read, keep it coming Steve. cheers.
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Oldman
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Post by Oldman » Wed, 30. Apr 03, 16:57

Well I wasn't 100% sure what was in the 'cargo' Law had picked up but at least it turned out to be at least 50% correct. :D

I'm not hazarding a guess at what comes next though. :D

Oldman :)
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