New start 13 First adventure

Official fiction, fan fiction and artwork. Let your talent express itself!

Moderators: TheElf, Moderators for English X Forum

collins50
Posts: 196
Joined: Sun, 25. Dec 05, 19:51
x3

New start 13 First adventure

Post by collins50 »

New start 13 First adventure

James was woken up by 5:00 am got dressed, went in to the Kitchen started the coffee machine, went back to his room picked up his data pad and put it into his flight bag, then back to the kitchen grabbed a cup filled it with coffee and set down it the table,

Mike: morning, grabbed a cup and got some coffee and set down as Jeff entered the kitchen,

Jeff: Sam is being lazy wont get up, grabbed a cup fill it with coffee and sat down,

James: He’s old enough to make his own decisions, if he not ready when we leave, we leave him.

They finished their coffee put the cups on the counter and left,

Sam showed up as they were checking out their ships,

Sam: sorry I’m being lazy to day,

James You need to shake it, I don’t want you going in to combat at anything less then 120%.

Sam: Ill be ok after breakfast.

James: check out your ship and get over to the carrier, were leaving, and entered the ship.
Jake prepare to depart.

Jake: hatch secured, undocking, departing station, course?

James: carrier

Jake: approaching carrier, docking doors open, entering, landing, and hatch open.

James exited the ship Chris and Tracy were there to meet him,

James: Its bound to be great day, lets head to the mess hall,

As they entered the mess hall James noted that most if not all pilots were there, they found seats, and set down, a street was all ready there with coffee and cups,

The steward ask for their orders, then left

James: mike what runs do we have to day,

Mike: opened his data pad , Sparrow 1,2 have runs in three sectors Sparrow 4,5 Have runs in two sectors Sparrow 6 has three local runs, sparrow 3 is attached to the carrier,

James: so we need to leave ten escorts behind,

Mike : we could get by with eight,

James: no ten is ok, now we need to pick the ten,

Jeff: I have all ready done that and hands James a list.

Randy Morgan, Joseph Barclay, Samantha Long S-4
David Kingston, Jolene Barstow, Berry Henson S-5
William Hanson, Tom Hays, Anita Huston S-6
Derrick Powell , Oscar Hammond, Judy Harrison S-1
Chuck Condor, Jean Franklin, Gary Manning S-2

James : Ill go along with this and hands it to Mike,

Mike, Looks good.

The steward arrived with their breakfast.

After breakfast James addressed the pilots the following will have escort duty today read off the list,
The rest will stay here and well go over the plans for the ship recovery.

The Pilots that were named left to prepare to undock the sparrow pilots loaded in to Sparrow 4 and headed to the trading station,

James went over the plan and designated the teams, then told Chris to prepare to jump to Bala Gi’s Joy and gave him the coordinates, then went to his ship and prepared to undock when the jump was completed. his wingman for this trip would be Robert De Niro, Jeff & Sam were also prepared to undock, Mike was in Sparrow 3 along with 6 other pilots 4 security drones and 4 engineers who were designated as the boarding party with Marian piloting, the rest were ready stand by incase of an unexpected attack. When all crews reported ready
James: Chris Hawks ready.

Chris: jumping in 5,4,3,2,1 Jumping. Deploy.

Jake: departing ship scanning, clear entering patrol area,

James looked at the display Hawk 23&1 were stationed 5 km of the starboard side of the carrier Hawk 2&4 were 7 km to the rear of the carrier; sparrow 3 was headed to the nebula the scanner showed clear and on active scan. The carrier was ready to deploy 10 fighters if needed.

Mike: entering nebula, nothing on scanners headed to coordinates, after 5 Mizura
Mike reported that he had a blip on the scanners but it kept fading and that he was 5 km from the coordinates, then said he had a solid contact 3km from tgt 2km 1km no visual, 500m all stop visual on mines 100m to our front sending deactivation codes, show green approaching, ship spotted looks like a TL Elephant, sending code to open docking bay, doors opening transporting all eight mines 2 km to the rear of the TL. successful entering ship, docking, closing bay doors, deploying drones, exiting sparrow with boarding crew, no life signs detected, two security drones found deactivated, ship shows low oxygen atmosphere, will stay in environmental suits for now, several ships landed 3 are dolphins,
leaving docking bay, headed to bridge, found 1 deactivated drone, capping ship, capped downloading AI, getting ship status, engines disabled no jump drive other systems functional, starting life support, no bobby traps found ship is secured, engineers headed to engine room, engine room secured assign status of engine and installing Jump drive. Engines can be repaired in 20 Mizura jump drive in 30,

James: now we wait, go to minimal power 15 Mizura later
Jake: I have contact at 120 km marked projected course shown, James looked at the screen, if it changes course move to intercept,

Jake: roger

Jake: course change heading toward us tagged as tgt 1, powering up moving to intercept

James: checks on his wingman is in position, checked the weapons load out selects wasp for primary missile, Chris I have a contact moving to investigate hold ready team,

Chris roger,

As James & Robert headed to the tgt1

Jake: Identified Pirate harrier, has picked us up on his scanner, and is turning to run

James engage boosters,

James ship hurled forward at 350ms 400 ms

Jake: target entering firing range firing shields at 10 % 5% 2% pilot ejected scanning ship
Space weed ejected ship capped

James transport the pilot in to the cargo bay and keep him secured, send the ship to the carrier,

Jake affirmative

James return to patrol station, did he get a signal off?

Jake none detected

Jake: ten ships approaching fast,

James: Jeff we got company hold ready team till we engage then deploy them I wan to hit them before they detect the carrier,

Jake: thrusters engaged contact in five Mizura,

James: Robert you take the tgt tagged 3&5 Jeff 4&6 Sam 2&8 I’ve got 1&7 then free for all,

Jake tgt 1 entering firing range engaging, shields at 40% 20% tgt launching missile shields at 5 % Pilot ejected turrets engaging missile destroyed, ship capped sent to carrier tgt 7 entering firing range engaging shields at 80% tgt7 launching 4 missiles, launching 2 drones to engage missiles tgt shields at 40% turrets engaging shields at 15% James got on the ships 6 when its rear turret opened up, James tried to evade the fire but took some hits Jake take out the turret, Jake engaging James saw the turret flair then was thrown from the ship, shields at 4% pilot ejecting Ship captured,

James noted that his shields were recharging at 87%, next tgt James looked at his display saw 14 green tags and 2 red tags with 4 green tags on their rears,

James: Jake scan the capped ship for contraband and eject it the destroy it.

Jake: roger,

James sat back and watched the 2 red dots turn green then all green dots converged toward the carrier. Mike what’s your status,

Mike: we will be green in 5.

James: Jeff form on me,

Jeff: roger

James watched the scanners and the timer count down, 2 Sezura, 1 Sezura then saw the TL leaving the nebula
Mike form up on the carrier, Jeff Ill land then you,

Jeff: roger

James looked at the scanner no contacts, Jake land on the carrier,

Jake: roger

James: Mike coordinate jump with carrier,

Mike: wilco

Jake: entering carrier, docking, hatch opened

James did not unbuckle, Secure hatch

Jake: hatch secured

James: watch the scanner as Jeff & Sam docked

Chris: Jump in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Jump sector clear

James: Chris well done I’m going to the TL Jeff follow me, Jake dock on the TL.

Jake: roger departing ship, vectoring TL, bay doors opening entering ship docking, Hatch opened.

James: Chris, put out some cap, I don’t want any more company to day.

Chris Wilco.

James departed the ship, found Mike taking inventory of the ship, think we should keep it ?

Jeff: you betca bottom on that. This TL will hold 14 ships and can dock the Sparrow It’s a flying gold mine.

Mike: he got a point, and we wont have to hire some one to deploy our stations.

James: ok well keep it Ill get Thresica to find us a good crew, I want to see that Inventory when your done, do you need any druids to secure this thing,

Mike no I have seven now, ill send the pilots back to the carrier Sam you stay with me ,

James: I’m headed to the station, contact Joshes TL and see if he let some of his engineers check out this ship for us.

Mike ok after I’ve got the inventory done and every thing secured send me some drones from the station to help ok

Jeff: I’ll take care of it.

James: arrived at the office, knocked on Tresica’s door and entered,

Thresica looked up from her desk, How did it go?

James: we had a few visitors but we gave them a good reception, I need you to find a good crew for the TL we acquired,

Thresica: a TL!

James: yes full of goodies too. Mike is taking inventory,

Thresica: Ill see what I can do, an ideal, I ask the TL captain about crew requirement when we go th check out the HQ today,

James: good ideal, I’ll be it next door for a while then I’m going to my ship, turns and leaves.

James enters the office and secures the door, pulls out his data pad and powers it up, Jake have the ships we capped this morning checked out and prepare them to sale, sale any goods and equipment we don’t need, reorder any munitions that is needed, provide me a report,

Jake: wilco.

James pulled up the transport and escort earning from yesterday, $12,876,900, not bad. James pulls out his communicator, calls Jeff

James: did you send the drones to the TL, can you meet me at the office, ok, bye.

15 Mizura later

Jeff knocks on the door, James press the door open button on the desk,

Jeff opens the door and enters, I saw a partial list from the TL we got some valuable stuff,

James: good. How do you fill about putting a station in HOL.

Jeff: what kind of station?

James: I was thinking about a wheat farm, and let Susan run it as part of her Transport HQ,

Jeff pulls out his data pad and starts checking the sectors around HOL. That will give us the 9 sectors around HOL. that requires wheat that is a good call, do you want me to talk to Susan about it,

James: yes and we will use our TL to deploy it, I’m naming the TL Eagle1.

Jeff: I like it, I’ll tell Mike, how long do you think it will take to get a crew?

James: Thresica is working on it.

Jeff: ok, I’ll fly to HN after lunch and talk to Susan.

James looked at his watch 10:30, Lets fly over to Josh’s TL Ill get Thresica,

James knocked on Thresica’s door opened it, Lets go over to Josh’s TL,

Thresica: ok, shuts down her computer and data pad, puts the data pad in her bag, stands up and follows James out and closes her door.

Thresica: Sherry I’m leaving with James call me if you need me.

Sherry: ok

They leave the office headed to the docking bay, and enter James’ ship.

James: Jake lets go to Josh’s TL,

Jake: roger, Hatch secured,

James felt the ship rise turn and start moving,

Jake: departing station,

James felt the ship pick up speed saw the TL in the distance, getting closer,

Jake: docking granted, entering ship, opening hatch,

After we departed the ship, Thresica: did you change Jakes programming ?

James yes, didn’t need all the details on basic stuff,

The TL Captain approached, good morning, you ready to tour the HQ?

Thresica: yes, but I have a few request of you if you don’t mind,

Captain: depends, but I’ll try,

Thresica: how many crew members and what specialties does it take to run a TL correctly,

Captain: is that your TL out their,?

James: yes we acquired it this morning,

Captain: good for you, lets see to run it properly you need a crew of 60
Capt, XO, Engine Engineer, Structural engineer, Station Builder controller, Supply/storage Manager, Electrical engineer, Machinist, Maintenance, Environmental engineer, Security Officer, Communications Officer, Navigation Officer, Flight engineer, weapons officer, 45 crew members
That’s cooks, labors, deck hands, maintenance helpers, security, weapons, supply, I can send you a full recommended list if you like,

Thresica: that would help, do you know of a good TL capt looking for a job?

Captain: I might, let me check and I’ll send his data with the list, lets go over to the HQ, ok .

They entered James’ ship, The Captain took the Copilot seat , James strapped in, and asked Thresica if she was ready?

Thresica: turn on the monitors so I can watch the approach.

James: ok, Jake undock and land on the HQ, turn on all monitors and film the approach, and the docking,

Jake: Monitors on, departing ship,

James watched as they approached the HQ, Jake circled the station the External docking ports were in place, Are the external docking ports operational?

Captain: not yet hopefully they will be operational tomorrow,

Jake then lined up on the docking path,

Jake: approaching station,

James watched the docking doors open,

Jake: entering station,

James saw that the docking area was huge, How many ships can dock in here?

Captain: it can hold 90 fighters & 10 TS or 5 TP, has external docking for 8 TL, or M1s, M2s or M6, M7s

James: That many,

Captain: that’s just in this Bay There is a repair bay just as large, and two smaller bays, for personal craft.

Jake: Hatch opened.

They departed the ship,

Thresica: this bay is huge,

Captain: yes it is, It will handle any craft from M-3 M-5, TS or TP

They exited the bay area,

Captain: there are 6 large storage area off of this dock and the repair bay,
Lets go down to the station control room,

They took an elevator down 12 stories to the control room,

Captain: the control room monitors the station any change in pressure drops will sound an alarm and the containment doors will close, there are 32 monitors here and it takes 12 personnel per shift to monitor them, Plus Maintenance supervisor Security person and communications specialist.
This is the security section, he put the monitor on and it showed different sections of the station, this room here is the weapons control room this station has a variety of weapons it can use, for defense, the Power for the station comes from the lower power station, that has an advanced power generator that is charged by solar power, down with the power plant is the water treatment and storage tanks, the waste disposal, section is also down their, lets go to the main floor,
They left the control center and took the elevator up to the Main floor,

Captain: this is were all the trading is done there are no shops set up, you can rent out space or set up your own shops
The next floor up is were the lounge area and theater, and canteen would be, the one below is were the cafeteria would be placed , the next floor down is the docking area 3 floors down is for storage the next 4 are for station personnel and their families there are 8 floors above the main floor 7 of those are for living area, with a total of 20 floors. lets go to the top that is the penthouse area, the pent house area had 24 sections marked off for apartments , now we will go down 1 floor this floor had 68 suites, the next floor down had 118 apt s the next one down had 166 apts the next 190 the next 230, the next 320 . 1116 living quarters to rent or use and 906 for station personnel. And that is with the basics,
the 3 floors below station personnel is for station use ,and has a laundry section, maintenance section, security section, armory, environmental control room , communications section, and docking control. I think that covers it, no the station has its own transit systems, 6 of them each with two way traffic, four elevators two cargo elevators, and the good news is it will be ready to occupy in three days, and I can leave then.

James; that’s wonderful now we need to bring some People to run it.

Thresica: I’m one it I’ve got a hundred and thirty selected, most of them are the chiefs they can find their own workers,

James: lets head back to the ship, when they got back to the docking bay, and entered the ship, James let Thresica fly and he went to the cabin,

After dropping off the captain James took the copilot seat and Thresica flew them back to the station, were they had lunch, then went back to the office, as they walked in Anjanette: James Jeff would like for you to meet him in the office,

James: thank you then headed to the office that the partners use, walked in Jeff was sitting at the desk,

Jeff: I got some good news for you,

James what that?

Jeff: the prisoners we turned over to Captain Richard, worth over 6 mil.

James: I had forgotten about them,

Jeff: they had been transported to the brig when we landed and Chris had them interrogated, got a little information about The black Hand clan and some kidnappings they had done then had them turned over to sector police, Captain Richard called me to inform us of the bounties and to thank us for the information that was given to him.

James: Ill have to thank Chris when I see him that was good thinking to have them transported to the brig does he have the security to handle that?

Jeff: yes he has a squad of ex marines as security on the carrier,

James: I didn’t know never seen em. Wonder if he knows were we can get some for the head quarters?
I went thru it earlier It going to be spectacular when its done, that reminds me we need to have a meeting some things we need to agree on about the HQ. Its suppose to be ready to move into in three days. Contact Mike and Sam see when will they return, Ill be right back, James turned and went to Thresica’s ‘ office,

James walked in to Thresica’s office, Thresica have you gotten any security people for the HQ,

Thresica: not yet got a few applications to look at why?

James: Chris has a squad of marines on the carrier I was going to ask him were could we get a platoon of special forces or marines.

Thresica: let me know soon ok

James: as soon as I can get the Partners together weir going to discuss the HQ I want you and Chris there too.

Thresica: let me know were and when Ill be there.

James went back to the office Jeff was still talking to Mike so he sat down and waited for him to finish.

Jeff closed his communicator look at James Mike say he is about half way done and has had sparrow 3 bring the stuff that was removed from the captured ships, said it had to make two trips to move it all, all said that he and Sam hope to be back in time for dinner,

James: that will work does he need any more help?

Jeff I asked he said that it would not speed up the process he has 6 drones moving the stuff around and unloading the Dolphins, Mike wants to know if we should keep them?

James: I don’t know if we need them we can but I rather have sparrows.

Jeff: your right I tell him to get rid of them.

James: I’m in a dilemma, If we rent out shop space and apartments we can make good money, But we jeopardize our security, if we let people trade at the HQ we can make money but still jeopardize security,

Jeff: I see what you mean if we let any ship or personnel that’s not ours we set our self up for attack.

James: Ill put it before the other partners and listen to the comments, before I make a decision.

Jeff: Ill go with whatever you decide if you hadn’t got us to gather we be out their somewhere trying to get by.

James: I know but sometimes I need a sounding board, Id never forgive my self if something happened to the people who look to me for security.

James: I’m going to check and see if Jake was able to get rid of the ships we capped to day, Jake were you able to sell any of the ships or goods we acquired today,

Jake: yes the harrier for $55,000, 4 Buzzards for $525,000 ea 6 Falcons for $1,700,900 I left the jump drives and transporters in the ships, Mike wants to hold on to the Dolphins for a couple days, and I don’t have the list of goods to sell, total $12,360,400

James: good job Jake let me see the bank account, Jeff you got to see this,

Jeff looked at the screen, Ho$y Sh%t, and that’s without the goods?

James: yes and Mike hasn’t mentioned any Gold that might have been on any of the ships. James looked at His watch 5:00 pm lets go to the carrier,

Jeff ok

James stopped and asked Thresica to join them,

Thresica : give me 5 to close up and Ill be right their.

James and Jeff waited in the reception area for Thresica,

Thresica came out, Let go

They entered the landing bay, James and Thresica entered the ship,

James: Thresica you fly.

Thresica; ok, and strapped in to the pilots seat, Jake prepare to undock,

Jake: Hatch secured, undocking, departing station, Destination?

Thresica, the carrier

Jake: course set, approaching carrier Warning 2 unidentified vectoring on us, identified Pirates,

Jeff: James we got company,

James: heres your chance Just fly and let Jake take care of the fighting,

Thresica : Jake set intercept course give me flight controls

Jake: course set tgt 1 marked

Thresica looked at the screens check weapons and course engaged boosters

Jake: tgt 1 entering firing range engaging tgt launched missile turrets tracking engaging missile destroyed,
Tgt 1 shields at 50% evading

Thresica maneuvered on to tgt1 6 and stayed with him.

Jake: tgt 1 activating rear turret engaging, shields at 30%

Thresica tried to avoid the turret fire but some did hit us,

Jake: tgt1 turret disabled shields at15% 10% 5% 3% pilot ejected I have control of tgt scanning space weed ejected targeted firing destroyed, ship headed to carrier

Jeff: that took you long enough, mine half way to the carrier and sector police has picked up the pilot and are in route to get the other one.

James: Thresica was flying and made the capture.

Jeff: O good job Thresica Ill follow you in.

Thresica: Jake land on the carrier

Jake: roger, approaching carrier, entering carrier, landing.

James: good job Thresica, how you doing,

Thresica: a little shaky that’s nothing like a simulator is it ?

James: no but I think its time you fly some more and practice, like tonight we don’t know when they will strike. You ready to go,

Thresica: I think so.

James walked out of the ship saw all of the pilots and most of the carrier crew, then stepped out of the way as Thresica appeared in the hatch, then took a step out of the ship, The cheers were defining,

Thresica just smiled and waved to the crews, what have I done James?

James: you are one of us.

Tracy waked up and hugged Thresica way to go girl.

After the excitement died down and the crews returned to what they were doing,

James: well do you want to keep your first ship?

Thresica: no Ill trade you.

James just laugh, will see. And they headed to the mess hall,

Jeff caught up to them good job Thresica now we have 2 more falcons to sell,

They entered the mess hall and found a table Chris and Tracy joined them,

Jeff I called Mike to tell him the good news and that we were on the carrier, he said he would be here soon.

James good

Henry the Stewart walked up and congratulations Thresica, what can I get you to drink,

Thresica: I think ill have coffee,

Henry turned and grabbed a cup off his cart pored coffee in it and handed it to Thresica, then pored a cup for the rest of us.

Chris: Henry give us 15 then place the order for stakes,

Henry: yes Sir and left

Chris: to day has had a lot of first in it and I want to celebrate, Don’t have anything stronger then coffee, But we got some delicious stakes.

Mike & Sam arrived and sat down, Sam: wats for dinner?

Chris: stakes

Mike: good I’m hungry and pores himself some coffee, I think we made a good haul to day I v got the inventory done, this guy musta been saving to build an army there is over 80 mil in gold and tons of high dollar goods on the ship,

Sam, when we finally goy in to the armory I couldn’t believe my eyes,

Henry arrived with his cart and passed out dinner, as he told each how the stake were cooked

Thresica medium ,Tracy medium, James medium well, Chris medium, Jeff medium, Mike medium, Sam well done

The group eight there meals the Henry brought out a cake with a model ship on top and presented it to Thresica
As all who were present in the mess hall clapped, Henry cut the cake and placed the model on Thresica,s piece and then passed out pieces to the rest.

Mike: way to go Thresica I talked to Captain Richard on the way over here he sends his congrats said those two were some bad duds and will contact you tomorrow,

After dinner a mechanic show up with two large security boxes and asked mike if he wanted them put on his ship and that there were two more that they were trying to get out of the Falcon that Thresica capped, they had been welded on to the ship under a hidden deck plate, and the initial scan had missed it, but a repair drone found it when looking or ship damage found the loose deck plate and removed it and sent a signal for an inspector. We should have them out in 20 Mizura

Mike : yes put them in my ship and Ill scan them for explosives, and booby traps. The mechanic left.

Mike: That’s interesting went thru a lot of trouble to hide those boxes,

James: I have some things to go over with you all since it effects every one, the HQ will be ready to start moving in, as I told Mike earlier If we rent out shop space and apartments we can make good money, But we jeopardize our security, if we let people trade at the HQ we can make money but still jeopardize security. What I want to know is the risks worth it and to get your thought on it,

Mike: that’s the problem when opening any station or trading port, it’s a risk.

Sam: Go for the money.

Chris: if you have a good security force you minimize the chances of bad guys doing damage.

Thresica: what security measures and defenses can be put in place?

Tracy: A lot, but some of it can be expensive, you got LT and weapon systems that can detour an attack
You can scan ships that are trying to dock, you can search any ship or person that is suspected of carrying contraband,
You have your security personnel that can arrest detain people who cause trouble or break the law. You can assign fighters to the station,

James: I under stand the normal risks, But ours is different, we have groups out their that have put large bounties on our heads and that puts any nut case trying to make a buck a potential threat to us.

Tracy: that’s like the pirate stations, people know that some of the Pirates have large bounties on their heads, but how many of them are captured at their bases, I only heard of one pirate base being captured and that was done with Military help in an argon sector.

James: your right. I think we will lease space to well established manufactures and provide the best security we can.
When we get the TL crewed Ill have it get and place some LT around the HQ, now all I need is some special forces and marines.

Chris: I have been working on that and I have some files for you to look at and two persons that will be here tomorrow afternoon,

James: ok Ill stay on the carrier to night look over the files and we can talk about them it breakfast. Mike down load a copy of the inventory to my data pad, is the TL within the CAP area,

Tracy: That’s been taken care of.

James: good how about security onboard,

Sam: we have 6 security drones and I am going to stay on board,

Thresica: I have to check out the file the Captain sent but from what I read earlier I can get a partial crew within two days.

James: good and can you send me a copy of that.

Thresica: yes, how am I getting back to station?

Jeff: you can ride with me,

Mike: I’m ready to head to the station, and we can drop Sam off at the carrier,

James: Sam get two other Pilots to stay with you till we get a crew for the TL and I’ve named it Eagle One. Chris Let go, and you can have those files sent to my data pad.

Chris: ok Tracy check the night watch for me.

Tracy: yes Sir.

The group departed Chris followed James to his cabin James sat down at the small desk and set up his data pad, Chris turned on the computer and pulled up the files he wanted James to look at and said that he ha known some of these guys and that they were the best, take a look if you want them let me know. See you in the morning and left.

James looked over the files Tony Brock Col Special Ops, Anthony Quinn Major Marine Corps, Amanda Black Cpt Marine Corps,
Sara Armstrong Cpt Marine Corps , all were veterans, all were excellent fighters, and planers, James decided to let Chris get all 4 and split the force between the HQ and Eagle One.

James went to the head cleaned up changed into a pair of sweets grabbed his data pad and laid down on the bed, turned on his data pad, and brought up Mikes Inventory list,
James looked down the inventory list 30,000 computer components, 25,000 micro chips,60,000 crystals, $78,998,897 in gold, James like Mike wondered what this pirate was saving for and planning on, when he dosed off to sleep.



I want to thank all who has been kind enough to reply to my story,
I have taken the comments as constructive criticism and adjusted the writings where needed. Thanks for your input.
Ramius85
Posts: 29
Joined: Sun, 22. Apr 07, 02:41

Post by Ramius85 »

An Exellent read. The only problem I saw was grammer. It got hard to read at times, distinguising between dialog and narrative. But I'll keep reading even if you don't fix a thing. Kudos
Help fight Human Trafficing here on earth. Find out at http://www.humantrafficking.org/

Return to “Creative Universe”