Hornet's Nest

[JackSpecter]

Note: If you do vote, please post reason for the vote.

Chapter 1 – Pirate

Lauren lowered her Teladi M5 above the unsuspecting Argon Buster. Pilots got away with murder now days. This guy had to crawl to his M4 from the bar! That though, was the point. He was the perfect target. The drunken fool wouldn’t notice the insignificant Harrier as either 1, a threat or 2, at all. She tapped the screen to her right twice, and the minuscule scout ship slowed to match the larger ship's speed. Lauren hit the coms.
“I wish I was a pirate, sailing the stars lootin’ and plunderin’…”
The hideous slur kept blurting out of the coms above Lauren’s head. The drunken Argon was oblivious to what was happening around him. Lauren keyed the controls and a recording of the ships computer launched out of the drunk’s coms.


-Specter

(I know its short but I couldn't wait, so many wasted pieces of work were scraped because I waited, if you like I will continue, constructive criticism requested. This is a rough version, but I've had so many scraped pieces of work, I wasn't going to wait any longer to post)

[JackSpecter]

Chapter 2 – Courier

Jason entered the bar. The 6 people in the bar had already made the place look like a war zone. He stepped over the body of a 2 eyed Paranid and slumped on to a weathered stool. Jason checked his watch. Great, he had 7 hours to blow before he had to shuttle that pompous Boron.
“Give me your finest Argon whiskey, and make it quick, will ya?”
The bartender slid it down the smooth top of the bench.
“I’ll rightfully assume that’s going to your tab.”
Jason gave an acknowledging grunt. He nearly dropped his drink as female Argon sat down on the stool next to him.
“A glass of something to knock me out, will ya?”
Jason was looked up.
“Here you go, the strongest stuff ya’ll get while still being legal.”
She sipped at the sloshing liquid.
“What’s your name then?”
Jason stumbled.
“J-Jason”
She was obviously unimpressed
“You fly?”
Jason was confused for a brief second.
“Yea’, an Argon M4 Buster, you”
She paused briefly. Jason’s sense was telling him something was wrong, but that was sense talking, he brushed the thought away.
“Keep it coming, I need to drown this sorrow.” Jason swore she saw her wink when she said that, she turned around, he pushed that away too. “M5 Teladi Harrier, I do courier runs, just lost my passenger to some thug in a Jaguar!”
The hours droned on, yet Jason didn’t notice, the Argon was drinking water. Jason checked his watch, and swore something vulgar enough to make him blush in his drunken state. He half walked half crawled to his ship, flying off into the endless black, singing with the pompous Boron, unaware that his captain was too drunk too tell left from right, in the back.


-Specter

(Will release a polished version of these Chapters at a later date, getting them done now is my first priority. Got to stop relying on spell checker, so many mistakes)

[SOTS]

Pretty good start - looking forward to more =]

Out of curiosity, will you be posting the new chapters in this thread? Makes it easier to keep a track of, is all.

[JackSpecter]

Thank you, gives me a reason to stay up till the crack of dawn writing, then dragging my sorry ass to school. And yes, all of my chapters will be posted on the same thread.

-Specter

[SOTS]

Good stuff, just don't exhaust yourself

I'd only end up feeling guilty about it

[JackSpecter]

Purely my choice, and the only subject I'm good at is English so I think it is a good thing

-Specter

(Chapter's fully checked over, ready to start chapter 3, hopefully ready in a day or 2. Need to check over before posting now.)

[JackSpecter]

Yay! Next part!
___________________________________________
Chapter 3 – Loot

'The hideous slur kept blurting out of the coms above Lauren’s head. The drunken Argon was oblivious to what was happening around him. Lauren keyed the controls and a recording of the ships computer launched out of the drunk’s coms.'

“Self Destruct Sequence Initiated”
“Huh? Oh friggin’ argnu!”
There was a whoosh as he was thrown out to space, and the Teladi Harrier was all ready swooping for its prize. It was too late, before the he had figured out was happening; he was already cheap slave labor. Lauren maneuvered her M5 over the Busters dome shaped cockpit. She swirled a 180 degrees in her chair and scooped up a small pad. She immediately headed for the airlock. Lauren remembered what the piss drunk Jason had said.

“Well” Jason had then staggered “I have to go taxi” he fell off his stool at this point “some pompous Boron”

Lauren turned back to the glowing screens in front of the pathetic excuse of a “Captains” chair. She hit a few keys and a list of goods aboard appeared. Jason was not much over a trader then, but there were a few bits and pieces there. She looked further down the list. 5mj shield, alpha impulse ray emitter,
“Aha!”
Passengers – 1. Slave number two of the day! She counted the approximate selling price of her ‘goods’.
“Shit…”
Lauren turned back to the airlock.
“I’m soooooo going to get the override software, this is getting tedious.”
She whooshed out the airlock with the glowing pad in her hand. There was a thunk as she hit the airlock off the Buster. She placed the pad on the airlock bulkhead. There was an affirmative beep. She pushed off the Buster to her own ship. She keyed the coordinates for the pirate station ‘Hornets Nest’ and the two ships started to drift off in to the deep black void, towards the only home she had ever known.

[SOTS]

Nice continuation. I like the drunken slurring of the Buster pilot. =]

[JackSpecter]

Part 4 is well under way so it should be 2 a day! Heck, writing a story sometimes is better than reading a story.

(Andy Lau, if you do read this, please make and account and post)

-Specter

[JackSpecter]

Removed, making a better chapter 4

[JackSpecter]

Closing down, not enough feedback, only exception to this is by request.

-Specter

[jackhanna88]

Keep it up mate, you've hardly started yet!

[blazermick]

Keep going. Too many stories start and then die off. It sounds ok, just a bit short, but keep it up.

[JackSpecter]

I Didn't think I'd get another post... Thanks, I will continue writing it but I need feedback, constructive criticism, etc...

-Specter

(Next chapter will take a while, need to get familiar with the plot again)

[Paranoid66]

It is very hard to get feedback here. I am too busy writing my own story at the moment to be reading others work much. However, people do read and often make little or no comment!

In the end it is down to whether you want to write for yourself. More input would make it seem more worthwhile, but your story could be around for a long time once out. So it could pick up new readers at any point including the shy ones!

I considered quitting at one point too, but really that is a bit cruel for those who are following along. Now even if I only have a few readers I am looking forward to staying it out. Then I can do a heavy edit and rewrite the thing into a final [satisfactory?] version. Crazy isn't it!

I suggest you make a firm decision though either to keep at it or stop. Seems worth the effort to me though - especially - if you are enjoying tale spinning. Good Luck!

[JackSpecter]

Thanks for that Paranoid, stop playing X when I stopped writing... I don't want feedback because it makes it worthwhile but because it helps improve my writing. I've found a couple of drafts for chapter 5 and should have it done soon... ish.

-Specter

[Paranoid66]

I don't want feedback because it makes it worthwhile but because it helps improve my writing.

Been there too. Really the only advantage of posting a story in bits (rather than just working away until it is fully finished) is getting some kind of critical input.

In my case whether my own work was - a worthwhile effort - was one of the questions I had hoped might be answered, and I still query that sometimes, still as long as it is improving(?) but without reaction sometimes it is hard to tell. I know I get too close to the thing.

Otherwise in many ways episodically posting - is mostly disadvantagous - a bit like washing the dirty linen in public! All the mistakes are out there. In my case I decided that was a good thing (I was hoping to get them all - pointed out to me - but maybe there are too many ) besides perhaps people just want to (read and enjoy) not pick critique.

It is a difficult one. Been trying to keep it real - not sure if I'm succeeding.

Still keeping going - in total isolation - would be even more difficult. What use is any story, picture or conversation if it has no recipient?

[blazermick]

Paranoid is correct JackSpecter. Many like myself enjoy the stories on here but don't reply.

I devour the fan fiction and am currently trying to translate all the works in the german forum section. Even though i read a great deal, i don't consider myself knowledgeable or worthy of commenting on peoples stories.

Thanks to people like Steve Miller (Rogues Series), Stephen Haworth (Traders Tales) and many unnamed authors, I find much pleasure in the story lines.

As a X Junkie, i enjoy all fiction, but i do hate unfinished stories. As soon as u get into it, it stops.

Thanks to people like u and Paranoid having a go, and those others i mentioned, i'm now half way thru my own story. But it wont be here til its finished.

So don't stop ! But keep working at your pace.

[The Rogue Trader]

I have enjoyed your short story and would also like it to continue.... is the main character out for revenge or are they just having flashbacks through nightmares.... please continue. No criticism from me. Keep up the good work.

D.

[JackSpecter]

I've been out of the world for a spell (for RL reasons), will get back to this as soon as possible

-Spectre

(P.S YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)