Terran Intelligence Reports (V1.1)... Opinions needed!!!!!!!!

[silentWitness]

Hi...

I'm thinking about submitting this to Devnet so tell me what you think and when needs improving etc... I really need opinions because I want for this to be as good as it can be! I'd love for this to get a chance to be used in the game/manual!

I've even put a poll for those people who don't want to comment but still want to give me an idea how I'm going!

So without further ado!

(Version 1.1)


........................................ Connection Established

Welcome Operative,
These intelligence reports have been provided to you for the express purpose of familiarising Terran Pilots with the species found in the Universe beyond the space gate. This information may well save your life should any hostilities occur during your tour of duty.





Argon Federation:

The Argon are by far our biggest concern, not only due to the size and proximity of their forces but also their heritage. From what we can gather the Argon are the decedents of those brave men and women that fought alongside Nathan R. Gunne, deceiving the Terraformers into following them through the hidden gate, thinking never to return, while there is only minor variation to the genetic code their cultural practices have changed irrevocably over the last five hundred years due to a the purge of all information pertaining to Earth, make no mistake you are dealing with a species as alien as any of the others. The Argon have a single language based on a hybrid version of Japanese, there are many grammatical errors and back to front letters but on the whole the language has remained relatively intact. Our intelligence operatives were able to made great progress in many areas outside of those linked directly to military intelligence.

The Argon Federation is a Democratic Republic, at the apex of the system stands the President, and Vice President, beneath which is the Senate. Each sector is represented by a democratically appointed Senator who administer the planets and surrounding space. Barring executive directives, the majority of decisions are made via the senate. The state constitution guarantees a number of universal rights and liberties are guaranteed to all species so long as it does not contravene the safety of Argon citizens, even state sanctioned assassinations are a relatively frequent occurrence. Outside of Elections, the people have little say in policy making, there are only three referendums on record, and while the government process is highly visible, it remains to be seen if the government truly represents the people. The Argon have remained highly militaristic throughout their history, due to several major conflicts including the Xenon Conflict, which could be seen as a continuation of the Terraformer War, and the Boron Conflict in which the Split and Paranid attempted to subjugate the Boron only to be pushed back by the Argon-Boron Joint Forces. The military is more often than not used in political wrangling, unnecessarily increasing hostilities with neighbouring races. Despite this the long standing Alliance between Argon Federation and the Boron Kingdom has borne both economic co-operation via the Foundation Guild Pact and built a strong sense of unity between the two races, advances in technology are openly shared and Argon designers aid their Boron counterparts in the development of offensive weaponry and ship construction.

The Argon run a regulated Free Economy, the majority of space infrastructure is controlled by small Corporations, one of the largest is Terracorp, a corporation founded by Captain Kyle Brennan and Major Eleanor Kho, be aware that Terracorp assets are being utilised by our operatives but the standard challenge procedure remains in effect. With Corporate money investing heavily in politics, coupled with a low minimum wage and few prospects for advancement, it is near impossible for the lower sections of society to advance, with the steady increase of influence of Teladi business practice, standards of living for the poor are at an all time low, often denied access to even basic health care and educational facilities, trapped in a cycle where only outer-space, crime or death can provide an escape. Piracy has seen a jump on popularity since the Kha’ak invasion as senators concentrate funds into defence away from outreach programs to improve standards of living. The majority of Argon citizens are able to maintain a middle classed lifestyle, able to buy into a preferred educational institution, can afford health insurance, and are in a position to advance up the social ladder, of course those of the upper echelons are destined to remain there, due to the nature of the economy favouring the rich and independently wealthy.

While there is no official argon religion, since the incursion into Terran Space, the once outcast ‘Goner’ cult has gained an increasingly large following, although Argon Government Officials are still hesitant to have any major dealings with them. The Goner themselves are proving a difficult proposition, may I remind you that the protection of Earth is our highest priority, even unarmed civilians could pose a significant threat.

Unfortunately the Argon were able to extensively examine the Experimental Shuttle and have gained significant technology advances, including the development of a working Gateless Jump Drive. While still technologically inferior, the Argon have used their discoveries to advance their military technologies, specifically in the area of propulsion, we are perhaps lucky in the fact that the Experimental was based around the design for an atmospheric shuttle and was so heavily damaged in the jump, as such our weapons and shielding technology remains a far reaching development. The war with the hive-like Kha’ak has stretched the resources of the Argon military but also unleashed a wave of technological innovation, the development of powerful particle weapons was shared with all races throughout the universe, while the tactical significance of this decision, is debatable, it highlights the collaborative development within the universe as a whole.





Boron Kingdom:

Quite how the Boron kingdom has survived in such a hostile environment is a mystery, their peaceful nature confounds evolution. DNA studies of the aquatic boron suggests that they are a highly developed species of sea dragon. Studies of Earth based Sea Dragon have produced little tangible information beyond insight into the Boron Pacifism. The Boron evolved on a oceanic planet with less than 2% of its surface covered by surface mass.

Communication is performed via a highly developed system of calls, body language and ink secretion. Boron ink sacs are capable of producing various multicoloured viscous liquids, ranging from very subtle to high density ink similar to the defensive spray of an Octopus. While the majority of communication is vocal based around hydro-phonic resonance, similar to that of whales, ink secretion plays a large part in social interaction with emotions and simplistic thoughts being communicated wordlessly between Boron. Boron translators are highly sophisticated allowing for the often highly complex precepts of boron speech to be vocalised simply, when communicating with Boron, it is often important to listen to both the words and tone to decipher the message, although you are more likely to encounter a the simplistic Se’mu language form, designed to aid interspecies communication within a deep space environment.

The Boron are governed by an elected council with a Royal Family as head of state. The Royal Family itself is made up exclusively by Lar of the Royal bloodline. While a hereditary connection to the royal family does provide a modicum of status and power, the vast majority of elected officials have been drawn from across Boron society, from all walks of life and experiences. Each planet has an elected council of twenty representatives, of which four seats are representative of off world orbitals. This council meditate on local affairs and elect four representatives to sit upon the sector wide council, for those sectors with only a single colonised planet; both roles are fulfilled by the same council in order to ensure a balanced debate. The sector council debates issues pertaining to the wider sector as well as issues connected with inter-sector politics, they in turn elect two representatives to serve on the High Council on the Boron Homeworld. To give you an indication of the size of their government system, a full nineteen percent of the Boron Economy is given over to maintaining and promoting its democratic systems.

There are three genders, Male, Female and the rare Lar gender, whom are essentially androgynous possessing both sets of reproductive organs. Procreation is quite simple; the Female gestates an egg which she passes to the Male whom fertilises and carries the egg within his pouch for nineteen months until term. Once gestation is complete the young Boron is cared for by both parents.

Boron society itself revolves around knowledge and skill development within a strict educational framework. Those that score highly in examinations are often inducted into the bureaucracy, others to the much lauded Boron Academies of Science, noted for their revolutionary deep-sea/space propulsion research and recent advances in Ion Technology. There are also several Military Academies, which work in conjunction with Argon Military Advisors to ensure that the Boron Military is kept supplied with a constant stream of new blood capable of protecting the Kingdom from its greatest threats as well as testing the effectiveness of Argon-Boron Taskforces and the Joint Defence Plan. Having a strict hierarchy has lead to many boron becoming dissatisfied with their lives, many seek the excitement of exploration, others branch out on their own forming new organisations that often forgoing any attempt to break into the highly regulated economy of the Boron systems instead favouring the free economies of the Teladi and Argon.

Boron technology is based around chemical biology, with the creation of biological hulls the boron were able to create complex structures without resorting to a heavy mining industry. The majority of Boron economic operations are based in sustainable industries. This allowing the Boron to operate a society that is almost waste-free, with almost all waste recycled or reused in some way. This is partly due to the aquatic nature of the Boron, the main food source of the Boron is based around plankton, thus it is critical to maintain a healthy environment free from major sources of water pollution.

The Boron are members of the Foundation Guild, this Boron-Argon Alliance, reflects the changing role of the Boron in the Galaxy, while once mere helpless explorers, saved from subjugation during the Boron Conflict, they have become capable defenders, while it is unlikely that the Boron will show signs aggression towards us, we cannot rule out the chance that the Argon may coerce them into war.





Split Dynasty:

On first examination it is very easy to write this species off as a violent and destructive race if not for the fact that they successfully compete both territorially and technologically on a galactic level. The very fact that they have achieved social organisation is proof of a greater understanding than they are given credit for by the inhabitants of the X universe.

Split society is made up of factions known as 'Families'. The Dynasty is ruled as an Autocracy with each family Patriarch (or more correctly the Patriarch blood family) looking after the affairs of the Family. The finest members of the family become Advisers or 'Strong Arms' who often act as a mouthpiece between patriarch and the masses that make up the lower orders. Standing in society is based upon your standing within the family, with only the most intelligent and social of Split rise to the higher ranks. The Dynasty itself controlled by the Council of Families under the gaze of the Patriarch of all Split, self style Emperor of Split in all but name. To keep and hold such a title needs tactful diplomacy alongside skilful manipulation of key resources to ensure that all parties are kept subdued while ensuring that your family remains in an advantaged position.

The lesser families are repressed into a kind of servitude by the more powerful families, forced to fulfil their commands for fear of destruction. Conflict is the most overt way to increase ones standing with combat often only lasting long enough to determine the stronger opponent, killing an inferior opponent holds no honour or status, while battle with evenly matched opponents can often result in the death. Thuruk the First Emperor of split based his reign on the loyalty of his defeated enemies, they would go on to form the basis for the great families of today's Split Dynasty. As such we can expect small groups of Split to regularly test our defences in an attempt to prove themselves within their society, most will be easily scared off but be on your guard in case of greater hostilities.

If a family patriarch is killed with no blood heir of succession it is customary for the defeated family to swear an oath of fealty to the victor and take up their name. Another custom is for warriors to claim the orphans of this worthy foes as his own, often leading to large extended families at the apex of a family with an Elite Guard beneath them, followed by the rest of the 'family', whom have no 'blood' ties beyond their oath. Blood is not always the currency of leadership, the bonds between claimed child and surrogate father can run beyond that of blood. Upon the defeat of his surrogate father at the hands of the powerful Family Chin, Si’jar Cho left the battle fortress where the last warriors of the Cho were assembled and travelled alone into the shattered capital, where Chin, the Patriarch of all Split, and his elite guard stood poised to crush the Family Cho and claim an Oath from the population. Si’jar persuaded Chin to allow him to pay his last respects, and so at the foot of the bed where his father lay dying Si’jar hacked off his right fore arm and laid it at the feet of his father. Upon discovering this Chin sued for peace. The Patriarch Cho lived but a few days longer, long enough to adopt his chosen son as his successor with the blessing of the Dynasty. By cutting off his own arm Si’Jar had shown more courage than any other split, that he had no fear and would sacrifice everything, sending his war arm ahead into the afterlife meant that he would forever seek revenge even past death, and while many would say Family Cho lives in defeat few have the courage, even patriarchs, to look Si’jar, Patriarch of Cho in the eyes.

The Split have no real organised religion, there is no god only an afterlife. Very little is spoken of the afterlife, although it has great significance in many aspects of Split life, often acts have a significance on both this plane and the afterlife, while Cho and his armies were all but defeated the Chin Patriarch did not want such a Warrior to hound him in the afterlife, by allowing family Cho to survive Chin gained a capable ally and had safeguarded his holdings in the afterlife. The claiming of children of worthy foes not only allows the victor to claim a child of good breeding but also appease the recently departed parents. No split wishes to arrive in the afterlife to be confronted by countless enemies at least not alone...

Women are considered second class citizens in split society, while technically they own the vast majority of land, women are often expected to marry whomever conquers their land, although in practice many 'husbands' are slaughtered every year while foolishly believing their new wive(s) were helpless. Powerful split take several wives, whom govern the land in their husband’s stead. Women are by far the most socially organised Split, capable of maintaining the complex economy that exists within the Split Dynasty. Daughters are often 'invested' with land, and in the case of older Patriarchs where multiple wives may succumb or become tiresome, the daughter is then married off to a successor who becomes a ‘Strong Arm’ or even splinters off to become another Patriarch in the case of larger families. Wives often become the protectors of their territories, even heading up the forces available to them while their husbands are otherwise occupied, Warrior wives have been heard of, and have preyed on the minds of many Patriarch of all Split, fearful of the establishment of a matriarch and the power taken from where it has historically been invested. Split women form bonds a far more complex structure, often blurring social boundaries and family ties to create larger social groups which take into account a large proportion of the Split's Economic strength.

The most powerful women in split society are the Curb, these women have the ear of the Patriarchs like no other. Educated to the highest standard of the age, often outside of the Dynasty, these women all but run the Dynasties, banned by the Previous Patriarch of all Split due to fears of a Matriarch developing, the Curb has returned to pre-eminence under the Rhonkar Dynasty. The curb is meant to make up for all the shortfalls of their 'masters', although in many cases it is difficult to distinguish who is actually in command with many Patriarchs finding themselves under a kind of house arrest by their Curbs to prevent diplomatic incidents, the reintroduction of the Curb has seen a drop in the diplomatic tensions between families to a level comparable to Emperor Turuk who united the families and brought the Split into space.

The social upbringing of the split. All Split women form complex social bonds that stems back to evolutionary development, groups of Females could protect their young more effectively, while some females were out hunting others were watching the young thus allowing a greater number of young to survive. As the Split have evolved this complex social development has been retained with strong social and emotional ties between women compared to that to the solitary predator, evolutionary nature of the Split Male.

Formal Education in the Dynasty is based around sponsorship, young split children only carry as much weight as their Blood, those fortunate to be born or gain a place of privilege are assured an education. Those without a place compete for sponsors at so called Honour Markets where Curbs, Wives (and Concubines), Scientists, Warriors, Barons, Heroes, Strong Arms and even Patriarchs look for talented pupils that will advance the family, the chosen are taken into the institutions of the family, not only does the family gain a skilled member but also they hold an indenture, giving the power of life and death to the sponsor, only overruled by patriarchal decrees. Lesser families often put their children in honour markets in the hope of improving the well being of their children, but this also keeps the lesser family in a state of subjugation as only the best and the brightest will be sponsored and join the ranks of the more powerful families. Those that are unable to attract a sponsor are forced to learn their parents trade or join a family military.

While not known for their scientific nature the Split have developed equipment rivalling the technologies of the so called 'intelligent' races, their competitive nature has lead to many huge advances in Split technology, their ships use a unique form of propulsion that is highly efficient and capable of great speeds compared to standard propulsion. Their strategic alliances and membership of the Profit Guild have further fortified their technology base. Once we have established our technological superiority we are unlikely to get many problems from the Split, they will respect our military strength as they have done their allies the Paranid.





Paranid Empire:

The Paranid Empire is quite the enigma, in order to compile this report we required several deep cover agents within Argon Intelligence, even so our information is sketchy at best. The Paranid Empire is a Theology, based around concept of three dimensionality, this is believed to be directly connected to how the Paranid vision cortex translates the information from their three eyes, although the theological basis of the Paranid religion like the rest of their society is shrouded in a vale of secrecy. What is known however is that Religion touches every aspect of daily life, each action has its own protocol, which must be adhered to and satisfied before an action can take place. The Paranid are strong and powerful beasts, their claws and large craniums, are in stark beastlike contrast to their exquisitely decorated flowing robes.

Paranid is society is based on a firm hierarchy, with around one thousand known titles from the serving Pontifex Maximus Paranidia (Priest Emperor) Xaar, the Cardinals or Priest Kings as they are known, Priest Dukes whom are responsible for the day to day running of a sector, down to title of Priest. While all Paranid are considered priests in their own right, outsiders, especially, Bi-ocular aliens are held in very low regard, often described as unclean or unholy creatures. This attitude makes dealing with or coercing Paranid exceptionally difficult as to have unsanctioned dealings with lesser life is to invite a loss of face in a society where reputation means everything. Early Paranid life is spent within an Institution for the Adept, while an exact time frame is not known Paranid children return to their families as full adult Priests, despite this family is considered a sacred bondage, the Paranid have also adopted a ridged caste system, there are few opportunities for advancement, power play is rife within the empire, and even so it is impossible to escape your caste, sectors controlled by so called ‘lesser caste Dukes’ are all but abandoned, as such many open their doors to lower life, in order to maintain an efficient economy. The Technology of the Paranid is surprisingly advanced for a Theology, specifically in the area of cybernetic enhancement and interaction systems. Their ships are designed around their technological strength, choosing metal and technology over biology and agriculture, for most Paranid food is heavily rationed to prevent chronic food shortages.

The Paranid economy is fractured and complex. Many castes refuse to open deal with another, often three or four go betweens are required before a transaction can be completed often at great cost to all parties. Politics is no different; most are simply attempting to enhance their own position, finding arguing amongst themselves over the proceeds from internal trades and resources.

The one exception is the ‘Holy Fleets of the Pontifex Maximus’, whom are given precedence over all others, so that it may maintain the Paranid border defences. The Paranid base their stratagems centrally around the concept of an overwhelming defence, our analysis of their fighters has shown that they have a limited range but are heavily armed and shielded, with a high degree of cybernetic-automation allowing the ships to survive most combat situations. Their carrier ships are capable of deploying deadly shockwave field weapons that cause massive damage to all ships within range.

The Paranid are members of the Profit guild, which solidifies their alliances with both the Split and Teladi , although the Paranid have made little attempt to increase trade or improve relations since the Boron Conflict, instead believing that all races including allies should instead change to fit Paranid society and needs. The Paranid and Argon were once trading partners but the Paranid’s refusal to become involved with the Xenon conflict and subsequent Alliance with the Split during the Boron conflict has driven a wedge between the two, border skirmishes are common but rarely escalate to a diplomatic incident, use caution within their space, Paranid care little for the lives of non-Paranid. The Xaars word is law and any decree can make or break the lives of those in the Paranid Empire, Religion is used as much to maintain the order as to worship the holy dimensionality, the first Paranid attempt at democracy was brutally purged in a sustained orbital bombardment lasting several months, this is by no means the most extreme example of the Pontifex’s reaction to heresy, any perceived dissent can be cause for excommunication.

The Paranid have little respect for other races are will do whatever is necessary to enhance their position in the Universe, as such they are not to be trusted. While it is currently within their interest to align with the Teladi and Split, the Paranid have little interest in loyalty to those outside their own society.





Teladi Company:

The Teladi Company, is the largest corporate entity in existence, almost the entire Teladi race is an employee and works towards enhancing the position of the Teladi in the Universe. The Teladi are a reptilian race, with almost 98% of its population being female. The Teladi are bipedal reptiles, about the size of a small child, one of the major facial features is their scale-plate a large growth that bloats and changes colour depending on their emotional state!

The Teladi have a highly interesting history, originally from the planet Ianamus Zura, they were comparatively late comers to Space travel but quickly discovered the gate systems and colonised a local planetary sector now known as Seizewell with the help of state and corporate sponsorship, unfortunately this period of colonisation also coincided with the shuffling of the gate system cutting off the colonists from their home system. For the Republic of Ianamus Zura this was seen as the worst catastrophe ever and prevented further gate travel believing them to be unstable and thus unusable. Meanwhile the small Seizewell colonial government cut off from Homeworld, while Seizewell was in many ways an excellent home for Teladi, having both a hot humid atmosphere and abundant natural resources but with limited infrastructure equipment was beginning to decay. In a desperate attempt to speed the generation of infrastructure the government allowed corporations to operate as small satellite governments, this process gave corporate entities a relative free hand and within a few years the rudimentary economy had flourished into an economic powerhouse with many major corporations completing heavily with one another.


With the prospects of the colony secure, a new more pressing matter arose. On Seizewell all hatchlings were female, though this did not pose a problem of population decline (due to the ability of Teladi females to reproduce asexually), without a fresh supply of males from Ianamus Zura the gene pool would stagnate, and as populations increased the issue of genetic abnormalities would became a paramount issue for the colonial government, Unfortunately with the onset of the only Teladi Civil war on record, this governing body would be dissolved, eventually leading to the creation of the First Corporate Republic and the first steps of a meteoric rise of Profit Motive as a form of religion, by the time order was established the male population had dwindled to nothing. There has not been a single recorded male birth away from Ianamus Zura. As the Teladi grew to colonise the local sectors, each planet was sliced up into corporate factories. The further the Teladi developed the more advanced their almost narcissistic need for profit became, becoming all consuming. Special hatcheries were created to ensure that young were well cared for while their mothers could work tirelessly for their corporations. Soon hatchlings became bonded to those of their hatchery forming strange family-like bonds between them.

With the discovery of other lifeforms in the Galaxy, the Teladi were quick to exploit their economic power to trade with all that would buy from them. What followed was a flurry of mergers and buyouts that would result in the formation of the Teladi Company. With these new opportunities came new dangers and for the first time the Teladi required a standing military fleet to protect its growing assets. Eventually the Teladi would join the Split and Paranid in the Profit guild, to ensure that the Argon could not rise to dominance, while the Teladi cared not who was most powerful so long as good trade relations could be maintained, they saw the technology offer of the Paranid and Split as a chance of defend themselves in what they would discover was a highly dangerous yet profitable universe.

After five hundred years of isolation the Teladi Company rediscovered Ianamus Zura, although the vision of fiscal paradise filled with males was not quite what they discovered. They did discover a world of creativity and frivolous activities such as recreation that did not involve profit. While the Republic of Ianamus Zura would remain in place for several more years, it was quickly engulfed by the technologically superior Teladi Company, while many old ways and heritage sites have been lost to the drum beat of profit much of the culture of Ianamus Zura remains as it was.

The Teladi company are highly involved in Galactic politics, wholly supporting the great universal currency conversation which unified the universes currency into credits. Their time keeping system was also briefly adopted as a universal time keeping system for all Corporate and Military entities throughout the universe but the Kha’ak invasion brought with it a wave of nationalism with most species returning to their traditional temporal systems, although the Teladi are once again pressing for its re-adoption. The Teladi are also known to trade with Pirates in return for favours and preferential treatment. The first major Teladi Military offensive was during the Xenon Conflict when our very own Kyle Brennan united all five races to bring an end to the Xenon domination of the area.

The Teladi are unlikely to engage us in combat instead preferring to subjugate opponents by undermining their economy using fiscal strength to buy out those that will allow it and mercenary pirates to those that resist. Upon saying this their tactics have not proven particularly successful, with all races still firmly in control of their own economies, despite a unified currency and firm free trade agreements.

[jackhanna88]

This is really good! I've got a couple of minor mistakes to point out though (I think) -

Penultimate line in the 3rd paragraph of description for the Argon -

The majority of Argon citizens are able to maintain a middle classed lifestyle, able to buy into a preferred educational institution, can afford health insurance, and is in a position to advance up the social ladder

I think that should be "and are in a position..."

2nd line in the second paragraph on the boron -

ranging from very subtle to high destiny ink similar

- is it meant to say "density"?

2nd line in the third paragraph for the boron -

the vast majority elected...

- possibly should be "the vast majority of elected..."?

2nd line, fourth paragraph for the boron - I think there needs to be a colon or semi colon (can never remember which) after

procreation is quite simple

, before moving on to the description.

3rd line, 8th paragraph for the split, I think it should be "Rhonkar" rather than "Ronkar", although i'm not 100%.

4th line, 2nd paragraph for the paranid -

this attitude makes dealing or coercing...

- I think it needs to be "dealing with or coercing...".

1st and 2nd line, 5th paragraph on the Paranid -

although the Paranid have little attempt to...

- I think this needs to be "although the paranid have made little attempt to..."

3rd line, 5th paragraph on the Paranid -

The Paranid and Argon were once trading partners but after the Paranid’s refusal to become involved with the Xenon conflict and subsequent Alliance with the Split during the Boron conflict has driven a wedge between the two.

- flows slightly more without the "after": "the paranid and argon were once trading partners, but the Paranid's refusal to become involved with the xenon conflict, and subsequent alliance with the split during the boron conflict, has driven a wedge between the two".

8th line, 5th paragraph on the paranid - "decent", in that context, needs to be spelt "dissent".

The first part of the 3rd paragraph on the Teladi needs a bit of a change -

With the prospects of the colony secure a new more pressing matters, while on Ianamus Zura, parenting being relatively a collaborative pastime, on Seizewell all hatchlings were Female, while this did not pose the problem of population decline due to the ability for the Teladi Females to reproduce asexually but as populations increased issues of genetic integrity became paramount to the colonial government.

A couple of changes could help it read a bit smoother -

With the prospects of the colony secure, a new more pressing matter arose. On Seizewell all hatchlings were female (while on Ianamus Zura, parenting being a relatively collaborate pastime, this was less of an issue). Though this did not pose a problem of population decline (due to the ability of Teladi females to reproduce asexually), as populations increased issues of genetic integrity became paramount to the colonial government.

Sorry for the rewrite there - it was a subclause minefield!

4th line, 3rd paragraph -

unfortunately it was quickly dissolved by only teladi civil war on record

- just needs a "the" after "by".

6th line, 3rd paragraph -

As the Teladi grew to colonise the local sectors, each planet sliced up into corporate factories.

- just needs a "was" after "planet".

2nd line, 5th paragraph - I think should be "they discovered" as opposed to "the discovered"

3rd line, 5th paragraph - I think should be "While the republic of Ianamus Zura..." as opposed to "With the republic..."

Sorry to be such a nitpicker, but I presume that if you're submitting it to Devnet you want it to be used in some respect towards the next game and so be distributed.

As you can see, the results I picked out are hardly major - mostly just typos and the like. This is a piece of great quality, it's really nice to get such a detailed description of the races, and I especially like the terran intelligence reports angle on it. I really liked the strategic analysis of the races at the end, although you should also do it for the paranid and the teladi - it's a very clever concept!

People new to the game should read this asap - I remember when I first started and I didn't understand the race part at all. The first time I saw a "split" ship, I genuinely expected it to be in two parts!

Really really good stuff though.

(Sorry about the long post )

[The Zig]

For the sake of briefness, I'll say now that I like this, and I like a lot of the ideas in it. Good work. For everything I don't mention below you can assume I liked it! Okay!

First, two more nit-picks... the introductory paragraph (always a bad place to have an error!)

The information contained may very well save your life if during your tour of duty, should any hostilities occur...

The minimal necessary change would be to put the 'should' after 'any hostilities', and perhaps a comma after the 'if'.
Eg:-

The information contained may very well save your life if, during your tour of duty, any hostilities should occur...

Or I'd simplify further to:-

This information may well save your life should any hostilities occur during your tour of duty.

And two,

The most powerful women in split society is the Curb,

Should that be "woman" (meaning 'class of woman') or "are the Curb"?


Another thing to consider is who this supposedly aimed at. I'm not 100% sure an intelligence operative would be hugely aided by Split Evolutionary history, or the historical demographics of Teladi (they were all women? And now? And they can produce asexually anyway, so what's the bottom line? How could this information save my life in the event of hostilities?)


It might also be worth clarifying why the Argon viewed with such hostility.

The Argon are by far our biggest threat, not only due to the size and proximity of their forces but also their heritage.

*Are* a threat? Why? Why not ally? What does heritage have to do with anything? What changes have they undergone, and why are they irrevocable? Surely we can teach them to write the Kanji the right way round?

The Argon have remained highly militaristic throughout their history, despite long periods of isolation and few major civil conflicts

And Earth has the most advanced weaponry and the largest number of warships of all, despite being totally alone for 800 years.
My personal take is that the Terrans should be ambivalent.
For example, my opening sentence might be...

Due to the size and proximity of their forces and their shared heritage, the Argon could potentially be Earth's greatest ally or our biggest threat.

And I'd love you forever if you'd give the bits about Cho and Chin a rewrite. Maybe one or two first names so it's clear who's doing what?

And the bit about Split women could use some streamlining. It feels like you changed your mind half-way through. You start saying "women have little status", then have them owning the universe, governing the land and controlling the economy. Later still you have a class of elite women in 'pre-eminence' who's role is to 'make up for the shortfalls of' Patriarchs, and who sometimes put them "under a kind of house arrest" where necessary! That sounds like hella status to me!

Sorry if this sounds critical. As I said, I like about everything else, and I love the idea. I'm just trying to offer something more constructive than 'Ye that roxx!"

[Andyf]

Split, end of 1st paragraph: inhabitants rather than inhabitance.

Sorry, been reading in spurts, so I know there were more, but can't remember where!

Otherwise I am a great fan, adds a lot of (perhaps sadly omitted) depth! Having not played X3 or XTM, I can't really comment upon what was said a great deal, although I very much agree with The Zig's suggestions. The Cho/Chin bit is just about decipherable, upon several re-reads and possible drawing of diagrams, so yeah, could do with a bit of a revamp.

Again, I'm sounding too critical, I really enjoy added depth, its a great piece of work!

[silentWitness]

Ok guys... I've made a few of the changes you suggested! See how it goes now!

[Paranoid66]

Something like this would certainly be a boon to the game.

The only diificulty with the concept is the fact that it fixes an official Terran viewpoint. As far as I am aware the Terrans attitudes are still less than clear in the Game. This ambiguity leaves ES many options for the future, limiting these might be a barrier to its inclusion.

[Tracker001]

Maybe with the reideration of this Statement ;"make no mistake you are dealing with a species as alien as any of the others." at the end of the intel. report.

As this report does read as a "general impression" of the species that reside within the X .

So far to me it reads as if this is the "Terran's Ambassadors" Yarzeras end report , that would be sent back to the Terran High command as a... "First Impression's" Report. .,as it were.




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Don't mind me, just some thought. Feel free to run with them.
o
Julian has been noticing heavy prob traffic around instalations.
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So what designes do the Terran's have on the X-vers.
Ban Danna has this nagging ich..... After all it's been 500+ yazera's (is that correct ?) There have been some unusal reports of missing individuals. More than usual ,and not from area's one would expect.
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I'm wondering were the report is ,that discribes the finding's from the experiments done on those individuals captured and brought to Terran territory for further study. From the captureds point of view.

[Azanor]

I am not sure what are the chances this making into manual but if you are really serious about it you should consider couple things. We all have our own imaginary version of X universe in our minds. Egosoft gives us basics and a story-line shapes around it and our imagination fills the blanks. Thats why X Universe is great and loved by many. Anything comes from egosoft becomes official information. Of course one is free to alter the universe as he wishes but still anything officially comes from egosoft has a great affect on people. Egosoft did a great job so far just giving enough information and leaving mysteries to discover and rumors to discuss.

Your post is good and definitely belongs to this form, but for going into manual part its giving too much detail (meaning also taking away from other people`s imagination). Knowing what kind of ink Boron use doesn't add anything to my universe . Basics of X universe is already established and the story came to this point so far. Anything new will be officially added should bring either fire people's imagination or add something to story-line.

If you want to keep on working race histories and description , then my suggestion is write it from a neutral perspective instead of Terran. Your text doesn't only describe the 5 races, but also tells a lot about how Terrans see the universe. Things we know about Terrans , at this point, should come from the game events and story not from the manual.

I enjoyed reading it as a creative work. Peoples dreams, thats what creates the universe.

P.s: As far as I understand silentWitness wrote this text for the next versions of the game and not for new X3 players. Suggesting it to the new X3 players at this point can be a spoiler since Terran race from Earth is just a historical information at the beginning . New players should have a chance to play the pilot if they want to and discover it themselves

[jordan kirwan]

what about kha'ak and xenon

[khaakbaiter]

shhh! the terranssss shouldn't know or else tourism profitssss will fall!

[kotekzot]

vale of secrecy? shouldn't it be veil?

i think i saw most of this text on an x3 wiki (or tiki) somewhere. if you wrote that - props to you.

[silentWitness]

vale of secrecy? shouldn't it be veil?

i think i saw most of this text on an x3 wiki (or tiki) somewhere. if you wrote that - props to you.

I know... It's good isn't it! Got to love it when your work takes on a life of it's own... I hope it gets accepted into the official cannon...

[enenra]

Hi,

I just overflew the Teladi-part and I noticed that you began about three sentences with "The Teladi". ^^
I know, it's not fatal but I wanted to point this out. In the first sentences of some paragraphs it's the same, by the way.

I just found a monster-sentence ^^

On Seizewell all hatchlings were female,. though this did not pose a problem of population decline (due to the ability of Teladi females to reproduce asexually), without a fresh supply of males from Ianamus Zura the gene pool would stagnate, and as populations increased the issue of genetic abnormalities would became a paramount issue for the colonial government,. Unfortunately with the onset of the only Teladi Civil war on record, this governing body would be dissolved, eventually leading to the creation of the First Corporate Republic and the first steps of a meteoric rise of Profit Motive as a form of religion,. by the time order was established the male population had dwindled to nothing.

Probably you should in the beginning additionally state, that the cause of the dwindling males were that all asexually born teladi were also female.

Eventually the Teladi would join the Split and Paranid in the Profit guild, to ensure that the Argon could not rise to dominance,. while the Teladi cared not who was most powerful so long as good trade relations could be maintained, they saw the technology offer of the Paranid and Split as a chance ofshouldn't this be "to defend themselves"? defend themselves in what they would discover was a highly dangerous yet profitable universe.

And then:
In the books "Nopileos" and "Yoshiko", there are many additional informations about the teladi and the other species. One information about the teladi is, that their government resides not in seizewell but in Company Pride which somewhat isn't possible with the informations given in the games. You could probably write that only the CEO resides in company pride but the rest of the government in seizewell.

PS: In the books, company pride is actually Alpha Centauri (and so the old earth gate is in that sector) but in the games, it's brennans triumph.