Relic - Prologue

[Goldfinch]

This is my first real attempt at writing a story (outside of those a few years ago in school), and is very much a work in progress. I need something to do with all my spare time and a story started to form in my head last night, so I decided to write up a prologue and see what people think

And yes, I have just realised every paragraph starts with "Jack", but I'm not sure what to do about it right now.

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Prologue

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
-Douglas Adams


Jack’s stomach lurched as he threw his ship into another desperate spin. The cockpit was illuminated with an eerie light as laser fire from the pursuing machines flickered past - yet this was lost on him, so intent was he on the ship’s ever-decreasing readouts showing the level of his shields and the distance to the jumpgate. The highly tuned engines of Jack’s fighter had outstripped all but the fastest Xenon ships, yet he didn’t dare stop his wild maneuvering lest one of the destroyers got a lock on him with its heavy guns which would leave him helpless in seconds. As Jack entered the final approach to the gate, he let out a whoop of relief: his shields were holding and he was nearly home free!

***

Jack grinned – a wing of Xenon fighters had followed him through the gate, but they clearly weren’t willing to risk a full-scale incursion into an Argon sector. This was odds he could handle. Powering away from the gate, he suddenly cut his engines and span to send two streams of plasma into the nose of the leading ship. The fighter disappeared in a cloud of flame and debris, impacting on the shields of the other Xenon as they broke formation and moved to attack.

Jack had always thought there was something strangely majestic about fighting in space. The fighters moved at incredible speeds and the weapons fire moved faster, yet the huge distances involved meant that deadly balls of energy seemed to float slowly across the kilometres separating a ship from it’s target, the lucky few exploding in a riot of colour on the target’s hull, while the rest continued on into the void.

Jack chuckled and came out of his reverie to see the wreckage of five Xenon fighters floating around his ship – this was second nature to him and he could almost literally fly in his sleep. Ordering his onboard computer to set a course to TerraCorp HQ in Home of Light, he unstrapped himself from the pilot’s chair and walked through to the cargo bay. He wanted to see for himself what exactly was this item he was being paid so much to retrieve at such risk.

[Syndrome]

Good stuff I wouldn't worry about every paragraph starting with "Jack" right now. It's no biggie.

I must warn you, any feedback I give in the future may be interpreted as very fussy, but I'm just trying to help, just picking up the bad points. I say that because it's gotten 'others' a while to get used to

One question. What sector is he in?

[Goldfinch]

Um, a Xenon one

Does it really matter?

[Syndrome]

Um, a Xenon one

Does it really matter?

Oh. It's your decision to make it matter or not as you're the writer, it's just that that was the first question that popped up into my head after reading it

[Goldfinch]

I am planning to make it clear that he was in a Xenon sector and what he was doing there, but I've never really explored the Xenon sectors in the games so I can't attach any significance to a specific number.

[SOTS]

I've only been in one or two, so I can't speak for them all. But the ones I've seen msotly just have a lot of ships, and maybe a Xenon station. Nothing of worth, really. Unless you're capping

Nice opener, too. Especially liked the Adams quote!

[blue fox]

There are only two Xenon sectors that border on Argon Space the one is North of Getsu Fune, and the one between Thyn's Abyss and Black Hole Sun. In either case he has a long way to go to get to Home of Light. and a lot can happen.

Good Start.

[jackhanna88]

Good story, like the description particularly about his pontificating about the fighting.

Plus he's got an awesome name.