Tosh Zein

[mandres]

The appearance of stillness created by the transporters equal speeds broke as a vulture veered to a distant station. A quick glance at the other transporters ID codes and Tash Zein relaxed, two energy transports and one ore hauler. They would have no reason to question a Teladi vulture course correction, if they had they would have seen that a Teladi could make no profit at an under stocked Bofu plant.

The freighter had changed course for the same reason a bird will take flight when a branch moves the wrong way in the wind. The aptly named vulture had noticed a subtle sign that something was about to happen and was waiting for a carcass to feast on. A Split Mamba capable of 137 was doing 115 in a clear section of Boron space. A large exhale of deep blue smoke and Tash Zein’s paranoid mind began to race, the vultures pilot had not scanned his ship so how could he have spotted his…………..unless he had taken an infrared scan of the engines and noticed they were running cooler than they should be. Cursing his own stupidity he adjusted his fuel ratio to compensate for the odd setting. No doubt the Teladi pilot would notice the change, so would the station cameras the police would dissect in the investigation that would follow Tashes next actions. Even the observant Teladi would be documented.

Tash gave his computers an unnecessary diagnostic out of habit four P.A.C’s and two HEPT cannons just for flavour all charged and set to track. A giant blue and green swirling gate opened the glow soaking into the dark red hull of Tashes ship. Everything was right on schedule the Intel was worth every credit the family Zein had paid for. An octopus shot out of the blinding light, the mamba’s speed of 115 placed it right where it needed to be. A DNA scan confirmed the pilot to be Queen Atreous and a high powered camera locked onto her startled face as the PAC fire began to eat through her ship the HEPT cannon fire followed, unnecessary yes but the streaking green flashes would make the propaganda more powerful.

Tash Zein once disowned by his own Argon people was now a hero of the family Zein. With the Argon fleet occupied with Pirates, Khaak and Zenon. The Split could have their war in peace and the family Zein would be credited by all the families for finally provoking the Boron . As the Mamba did a neat flip and flew towards Split space it passed the Teladi freighter, Tash sent a copy of all his recordings to the Teladi worth far more than any wreckage being hoped for.


If I get enough feed back Im thinking I might come up with some more stories or just fill in all the blanks on this one feed back is welcome any suggestions including just to stop writting

[Rapier]

You're more likely to get feedback if you post in the Creative forum, but I'm sure someone will move this.

As for my feedback, there isn't much to feed back on. There are some gaps in the background and the narrative, but I've no idea if they're meant to be there now and filled out later or not.

[mandres]

hurm move it you say dont suppose you could tell me how to do that or is that an admin sorta thing

[SOTS]

Looks like it's been moved!

Pretty good. You could leave it as a short story, or expland it. I see no problem with either route.

Personally, I'm interested, so from a purely selfish point of view, write more, man!

Also, any other stories would be good. You write well!

(Btw, feedback for mine lol - thread is Siege. It's a bit long, but I'm going to shamelessly advertise it anyway. Got a poll and everything lol)

[The Zig]

Nicely done. Good writing. I like this.

I assume the Boron ship, queen and all, was destroyed? Perhaps this part could be a tiny bit clearer. That's my only suggestion though. The rest is good.

As another said, this could function well as either a short, or as the prelude to something bigger. I'll be keeping an eye on this one!

[mandres]

interesting i put in the bit about the "wreakage being hoped for" but i was wondering if that was to far past for most readers to get it you confermed it, ill try to be more clear from now on. I've decided to use that story as the foundation for a little mini series about a boron split war with tosh as the main charecter havnt decided if the whole story is going to be more political or if tosh will be fighting directly im leaning towards making him a military advisor for the family zein. this is the first story iv done so i didnt really expect the amount of time its going to write anything longer than a few pages so it may take me some time to post anything new.