Chapter 1 (Fate of the Armadeaus)
Chapter 2 (Portents)
Chapter 3 (Passing of a Fantasy)
Chapter 4 (Fissures in the Dark)
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DARK HAVEN
Chapter 5 (Reminiscence)
Argon M6 deep space patrol vessel Jubilee
"What is our ETA to X8, Pierson?"
"Thirty minutes, Captain. Only two jumps to go now."
"Very good.
You have the bridge Lieutenant. I'll be in the mess hall. If I'm not back call me before we reach X8."
The Captain left the bridge and the Lieutenant took her chair.
He tapped a control and brought up the system map, scrolled through the list of contents. Seeing nothing of any particular interest he scanned the first factory, a Crystal Fab.
Having been a trader for a couple of years before joining the Argon Fleet, Pierson has some knowledge and interest in the economy. The Crystal Fab, other than being a little short on energy cells, is fairly well stocked and is charging predictable prices.
He went back to the sector map and called up the information on a Silicon Mine a little further down the list. 'Four hundred and fourteen credits, that's a good price!' he almost said aloud.
Back to the sector map and he watched the movements of the freighters for a moment. Pierson easily spotted two freighters heading toward the Silicon Mine, a Ganymede and a Dolphin. Both about the same distance. A quick scan of each, yes, both are going to buy the wafers. The Ganymede having travelled eight sectors probably deserves it more. 'I bet I know what he'll be thinking now.' Pierson wonders which will win their race, a check of their speeds tells him the Ganymede has had no upgrades, which ever wins it will be close.
The Captain arrives in the Mess hall. As would be expected at this time it is closed and the lights are off. She touches the pad and the bright lights come on. Jessica walks across the small room, behind the counter and reaches up. She brings a bottle down from a shelf and places it on the work surface, and a short glass from under the counter. As the captain pours the liquid into the glass she breathes in the thick vapour, it smells quite strongly of stott spices. The slightly viscous liquid has a vague green hue to it, she places the glass in the Food Molecule Stimulator (FMS), closes the door and turns it on.
As Jessica awaits her warm tasty beverage she looks around the room, not large but nether is the crew of the Jubilee, three tables each having four placings. With the crew on rotational shifts this will never likely be more than half full at the busiest of times. A series of windows line the wall with the tables against. The FMS chimes its completion and She removes her drink. Jessica walks back around the counter, before she sits she dims the lights.
The Captain takes a sip then nurses her drink as she stares out into the distance. A speck of green barely moving past a distant station, probably a Paranid Ganymede, 'Mmmm wonder where it's headed, probably not a care in the world, where we may be heading into a war zone.'
After a few more sips the familiar sight of a wormhole surrounds the ship, ripples in the bright light, darker shades of light, colours, blue swirling against the endless sea of white. Then a slight shake and back to the blackness of space. 'This would be the last sector before X8. A quiet Teladi outpost.' She thought to herself.
...
"Captain"
A voice came over the comms.
"Captain, we are detecting Xenon forces attacking civilian transporters."
Standing up, she places her unfinished drink on the table and presses a control on the communications panel.
"Set an intercept course.
I'm on my way to the bridge."
...
Bridge of the Jubilee
"Now entering sector, Teladi Way"
As the flash from the wormhole subsides the Lieutenant calls up the sector map. A very lightly populated sector, Teladi mines mostly. The Teladi who quickly claimed it first discovered this sector six years ago. It is very densely packed with asteroids and several nebulae. The Teladi have been mining the sector intensely since they moved in, and many of the asteroids have been depleted.
Since the asteroids began to dry up, the miners have been gradually moving away leaving the sector less and less populated. The vast abundance of asteroids makes it difficult to build other stations and obviously makes navigation a little hazardous. So in a year or two this will likely be little more than a ghost town.
The gate to X8 was discovered amidst one of the most dense areas of the asteroid field by an Argon scout only a few weeks ago. The Teladi were happy enough for the Argon to investigate the new gate as long as they get a share of anything of value.
The asteroids were so densely packed around the gate the Armadeus had to destroy several just to reach it.
Pierson notices a cluster of red dots moving south on the sector map.
"Set course for the X8 gate"
"Yes Lieutenant"
Pierson brings up the list of sector contents and sees the red dots are Xenon. Three Xenon M and two Xenon L, no match for the Jubilee and her two escorts.
The Lieutenant thinks to himself 'Ah the old foe. The Xenon have been beaten back so many times, will they never give up? Well the universe would feel rather more empty without them.'
"We have Xenon in the sector folks, but as we are under orders to avoid any fights, we will avoid them.
Helm, display our course to the gate on the main screen."
A line, seemingly in real space, meanders its way out in front of the Jubilee. It continues to curve right until a little way ahead where it meets the edge of the asteroids. The line then weaves in amongst the huge slowly spinning rocks where it quickly becomes lost to view.
"Good, that keeps us well away from the Xenon."
...
"Lieutenant, the Xenon have opened fire on a Teladi Vulture... it's breaking up."
"Damn! Any survivors?"
"Negative.
The Xenon have changed course. They are going to intercept another Vulture."
"System security?"
"None, Xenon may have destroyed them already."
"What's the Xenons ETA on the Vulture?"
"Three minutes"
The Lieutenant taps a control.
"Captain. Captain, we are detecting Xenon forces attacking civilian transporters."
The Captains voice is heard over the comms
"Set an intercept course.
I'm on my way to the bridge."
The Jubilee, closely followed by the two Elites, veered forty degrees to the left and ten degrees upward.
...
Captain Hall entered the bridge.
The Lieutenant stood and returned to his usual seat behind the weapons console.
The Captain did not sit, she walked forward and stood next to helm control.
"What is our ETA on the Xenon"
"One minute and ten seconds. The Xenon will reach the Vulture in forty seven seconds."
The Captain brought up the display of the Xenon formation in relation to the Vulture.
The three M's were slightly ahead of the group with the L's lagging about nine seconds behind.
She then walked to the Communications console.
"Ensign, open a channel to our escort.
This is Captain Hall, as you know we are about to engage the Xenon.
If you can deal with the three Xenon M's we will take out the two L's."
"Affirmative."
"Good luck. Hall out."
"We are receiving a distress call from the Vulture."
"Put it through Ensign."
A slightly crackley message could be heard. The voice unmistakably Teladi.
"Thiss iss Teladi Vulture of Ore Mine Alpha calling Argon shipss. I am under attack from Xenonss. Please asissst."
The message begins to repeat, the voice much more desperate.
The Captain looks to the Ensign and motions her hand. The Ensign understands and opens a comm channel to the Vulture.
"This is Captain Hall of Argon Fleet to Vulture. Hold tight, we are on the way."
"The Xenon are nearing firing range of the Vulture.
Five seconds, four, three, two, one.
The Xenon M's have begun firing at the Vulture.
They have gone past, swinging around for a second run.
The Vultures Shields are down to ninety five percent.
The L's are nearing firing range of the Vulture, slowing to match its speed."
"Lieutenant, bring the main guns up to full power, target the lead Xenon L."
"Yes sir. The M's have made a second pass, shields down to eighty percent.
The L's have fired their first volley, fifty percent.
We will be entering firing range in six seconds.
Five, four, three, two, one."
----------------------------------
A special thanks to BurnIt! for the use of his FMS.
Dark Haven - Chapter 5
Moderators: TheElf, Moderators for English X Forum
Dark Haven - Chapter 5
Last edited by crunn on Tue, 22. Apr 03, 16:30, edited 1 time in total.
-
Tiberian Commander
- Posts: 1308
- Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
Nice read. Its a bit odd the way you jump back from the Captain being hailed in the mess hall to describe the event leading up to it. To me it would read better if you described the captains bit and then jumped back to the bridge when the Xenon are noticed and only then have the captain hailed. Mind you its only my opinion 
Found a couple of things
1. "which ever it will be close." This would read better as "however it will be close".
2. ""Good, that keeps up well away from the Xenon." should the "up" be "us"?
Al
Found a couple of things
1. "which ever it will be close." This would read better as "however it will be close".
2. ""Good, that keeps up well away from the Xenon." should the "up" be "us"?
Al
Thanks again guys. 
I think it gives the reader a nice little insight into something that's about to happen. Something happens but your not told how/why/etc. sometimes not even what. Which gives some intrigue.
Then we jump to another perspective and gradually things become clear.
So in this case the reader hears about the Xenon attack then sees the events that lead up to it.
Sometimes the reader will know things before the characters do, so you cringe as you see them walk into what you know to be a trap.
Also, for the perspective/time jumps, I do it this way to show the same few minutes from different perspectives.
First we have the Captain arriving at the Mess hall, a few minutes of her having a drink then being called from the bridge.
Then we jump back in time to see the same few minutes through the Lieutenant as he discovers the Xenon and calls the Captain.
(Also In chapter one I did the same thing between the Captain and Lieutenant for the destruction of the Armadeus.
First the destruction from on board. Then jump a minute back and see it again through the Captain from outside.
Agreed this is not a conventional style of writing, not like the standard linear single perspective, third person, past tense.
But I've seen/read things that aren't the norm and always find them more interesting. Two examples being -
The TV show 'BoomTown'
It does go a little over the top, to the point of being unnecessarily repetitive, but I enjoy it all the same.
And if you ever get the chance to see the movie 'Rashomon' (1950 Japanese subtitled) do so.
A truly excellent movie, deals with different points of view, perspectives and the fluidity of truths. An inspiration. One of my favourite movies.
sorted
I will try to make the perspective jumps a little cleaner.
And thanks muchly for the inputs, most helpful.
Ahh, it increases the suspense/intrigue. As robroy said "The story gets more creepy with every instalment."Al wrote:Its a bit odd the way you jump back from the Captain being hailed in the mess hall to describe the event leading up to it. To me it would read better if you described the captains bit and then jumped back to the bridge when the Xenon are noticed and only then have the captain hailed. Mind you its only my opinion
I think it gives the reader a nice little insight into something that's about to happen. Something happens but your not told how/why/etc. sometimes not even what. Which gives some intrigue.
Then we jump to another perspective and gradually things become clear.
So in this case the reader hears about the Xenon attack then sees the events that lead up to it.
Sometimes the reader will know things before the characters do, so you cringe as you see them walk into what you know to be a trap.
Also, for the perspective/time jumps, I do it this way to show the same few minutes from different perspectives.
First we have the Captain arriving at the Mess hall, a few minutes of her having a drink then being called from the bridge.
Then we jump back in time to see the same few minutes through the Lieutenant as he discovers the Xenon and calls the Captain.
(Also In chapter one I did the same thing between the Captain and Lieutenant for the destruction of the Armadeus.
First the destruction from on board. Then jump a minute back and see it again through the Captain from outside.
Agreed this is not a conventional style of writing, not like the standard linear single perspective, third person, past tense.
But I've seen/read things that aren't the norm and always find them more interesting. Two examples being -
The TV show 'BoomTown'
It does go a little over the top, to the point of being unnecessarily repetitive, but I enjoy it all the same.
And if you ever get the chance to see the movie 'Rashomon' (1950 Japanese subtitled) do so.
A truly excellent movie, deals with different points of view, perspectives and the fluidity of truths. An inspiration. One of my favourite movies.
rephrasedAl wrote:Found a couple of things
1. "which ever it will be close." This would read better as "however it will be close".
2. ""Good, that keeps up well away from the Xenon." should the "up" be "us"?
sorted
I will try to make the perspective jumps a little cleaner.
And thanks muchly for the inputs, most helpful.
Having reread my reply, I see my wording wasn't too great either. Heavering would describe it well. 
The point it was staggering toward is that your suggestion would certainly make it an easyer read, more linear, no messing about and all round better.
In my experience of reading I tend to find that perspective jumping etc. can (when done right) enhance the creepyness.
For the next chapter before I put it up, I'll rearrange the sentences to try it both ways, see which works best.
As you say, It's all a matter of perspective
I like the "good story" "keep it coming" "etc." replys (can't do without them)
But feedback like this is just what I need. So for you Al, a thumb.
Great feed back
Keep it coming.
The point it was staggering toward is that your suggestion would certainly make it an easyer read, more linear, no messing about and all round better.
In my experience of reading I tend to find that perspective jumping etc. can (when done right) enhance the creepyness.
For the next chapter before I put it up, I'll rearrange the sentences to try it both ways, see which works best.
As you say, It's all a matter of perspective
I like the "good story" "keep it coming" "etc." replys (can't do without them)
But feedback like this is just what I need. So for you Al, a thumb.
Great feed back
Keep it coming.
Lo Crunn, well i've now read up to chapter 5, and I do like it, the content and the way it's written, particularly the way you present the story as seen from different characters veiwpoints, it's very good to see how people think, adds a nice depth to each character. Piersons old trader habits coming out made me smile (almost made a fool of himself there eh? ) but things like give a character some history so thats cool.
Now whats going on back on that black station with captain Monroe?
I'll be looking forward to more of this story, I do hope you continue with it.
) but things like give a character some history so thats cool.Now whats going on back on that black station with captain Monroe?
I'll be looking forward to more of this story, I do hope you continue with it.