Thommohawk’s Very Strange Adventure in the XRebirth Universe

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ThommoHawk
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Thommohawk’s Very Strange Adventure in the XRebirth Universe

Post by ThommoHawk » Sat, 23. Nov 13, 10:12

So now XRebirth v3.1+DLC is out, Space Pilot ThommoHawk is waiting to get back to his gaming PC to put the Skunk v.3.1+ through the XREBIRTH hoops once more for a brand new adventure/review, but probably not until after the new year sometime. :)

For now, I have retained an observers record of space pilot ThommoHawk's initial and unforgettable experience of the havoc caused by that damn supernova which forever changed the previously known X Universe ....


XRebirth v1.0 ...
So space is a big, really, incredibly, BIG place, yeah? And in one tiny point of space in the X3 Universe ... We now eavesdrop on a conversation taking place:

Departure

"... and the software package you pre-ordered arrived in our cargo bay earlier today. Do you wish to install it on the ship computer?"

T. Hawk: "Eh? What software Betty?"

"The data package bears the logo of a group of programmers collectively named Egosoft, commander. It has travelled for many light years to get here."

T. Hawk: "Hmm, can't recall. Egosoft, egosoft? Sounds familiar. Oh. Yep. That. I remember now. A first for me, never pre-ordered anything before. Install it later. For now there’s more important things to do. I'm really feeling lucky today ... I think it's time for another engine tuning hunt! Commencing unfocused jump."

Betty; "Command accepted, jump drive is activated for unfocussed jump sequence, 10 seconds, 9, 8, 7, 6 …"

Arrival

At a tiny point of space in the XRebirth universe ...

A silent incandescent flash of light ... from which emerges a large M7 class ship. It is an ex-pirate rig, known in the X3 universe as a pirate Carrack. This one is named the T. Hawk Carrack PBC, and absolutely does not belong in the XRebirth universe ... but it is here. For now.

And on board, Thommohawk is trying like mad to get his bearings, with exactly zero success using the scanner, galaxy map, sector map, or any external camera views …


Crysis

T. Hawk: "Betty! Where the hell are we? Can't see anything. My navigation and scanners are down. I only have forward view. I can't get to the turrets either."

Betty: "There is no signal commander. The triplex scanner has vanished. This is an unknown sector, the ship database has nothing on it ... Attention. something strange is happening to the ship. 100 energy cells have just vanished. This is an unusually large amount of energy used for a single unfocused jump."

T. Hawk: "So has my gravidar! Its gone! ... and Betty!"

Betty: "Yes commander?"

T. Hawk: "I can't move my head. I have no POV movement. My neck is paralysed or something."

Betty: "Attention. The Egosoft data package is somehow present on the ship system, when and how it was installed is unknown, some timestamps are absent from my memory. Attention. I have compiled a status update and recommend your urgent viewing. "

T. Hawk: "I. can't. move. my. head. Verbal report please."

Betty: "Wait.... Wait.... wait commander, I have been receiving some data transmissions and now we are also receiving unknown comm signals."

T. Hawk: "What signals? Xenon? Kha'ak? Pirates? Friendly?"

Betty: "Decryption and translation commencing ... It is identified as a signal from an entity naming itself as Renotani."

T. Hawk is still making attempts to move his head around, and emits a frustrated sound similar to a not quite empty kettle on the boil, then:

"Renotani? Sounds like cold flu lozenges or something. OK Betty. Firstly update me on the data transmissions, then I'll hear the comm signals from this Renwhatever. Go ahead."

Betty: "Data now indicates we have not only made an unfocused jump, but have experienced a severe time displacement. Analysis indicates massive SETA activity has taken place during our jump, prior to our arrival in this unknown sector. Also, the Singularity Engine Time Accelerator no longer exists on board"

T. Hawk: "Right, so can you give me our current time point? And is there still capacity to return to 'our' known universe?"

Betty: "We are progressed at least thirty or forty years into one of our possible futures, but this certainty cannot be assured. There are indications this place we have jumped to in some way is not even our universe, past, present, or future. Residual radiation indicates a major supernova has caused irrevocable ... irrevocable ... IRREVOCABLE ... change to this particular universe."

T. Hawk: "IRREVOCABLE? Damn this could get ugly. That Supernova must have really, really, buggered up everything here then. What else?"

Betty: "I am picking up other radio transmissions now, indicating we are near a major trade complex ... Decryption and translation in progress ... wait ... please wait ... We are being hailed again, the Renotani entity insists on speaking with you commander. Decryption and translation is complete."

Communications

T. Hawk: "Go ahead, open comms. Thanks. This is Thommohawk, commander of the T. Hawk Carrack PBC hailing the Renontani entity thing. Greetings, and what do you want? I'm sort of busy here freaking out at the moment."

Ren Otani's voice over comms (no vis display):

"Howdy commander Thommohawk, I am Ren Otani, master and commander of the Albion Skunk and its weird zombie crew. er, listen, I just saw your vessel appear out of nowhere, obviously you have a jump drive, and I request permission to come aboard for a private info exchange."

T. Hawk: "Thanks for the offer and I am interested. But I want to see your ship first. I have no visuals except forward view. I think I broke my neck. I will now swing this ship around until I get you in my bore sight. Stay clear and don't try anything funny."

Over the comm, Ren Otani is alarmed to hear Thommohawk saying some really horrible, bad, piratey sounding swear words that could, if converted to pure energy, melt the hull of a respectably sized TS class ship, or maybe even an M6 class. Followed by:

T.Hawk (now in panic): "Betty!!! This is weird My flight control stick is not working and seems to be dissolving in my hands, or something! Its becoming limp!"

Betty: "Warning. it appears your joystick is being disassembled in some way I can't compute ... this not logical at all. Perhaps the same has happened to all the other equipment which we no longer have on board."

Betty now issues a barrage of further warnings in quick succession:

"Warning. There are indications the ship is now morphing into an unknown object.
Warning. I now have indicators which point to a creation failure at some point. It makes no sense. This is a very pregnant unfinished universe where there are unknown errors and unknown possibilities, all interacting simultaneously.
Attention. Your personality and the T. Hawk Carrack PBC are at risk of becoming permanently altered if you choose to remain here much longer."

T. Hawk: "What?! What? oh that just great. And what is this weird thing I am now holding? It used to be my joystick. Where did this come from? Buttons and pads and shit? (yells): HOLY ARGNU COWS! The ship just moved when I flipped that knobbly thing. Right. Somehow this is connected with piloting my ship?"

Betty: "Yes commander, I believe it is called a game-pad-controller".

A grim silence follows during the time it takes for the bulk of the T. Hawk Carrack PBC to swing around and face what was parked behind it.

T.Hawk sees the Albion Skunk: "What the blazes is that thing? oh. Hey Ren Otani, that there your ship?"

Ren Otani "Yes commander Thommohawk, this is the Pride of Albion, known as the Albion Skunk, the most powerful ship in this XRebirth Universe"

Hysterical giggles and snorts are coming from the T. Hawk Carrack PBC as Thommohawk struggles to end his laughing fit. (laughing not at the skunk, but at Ren Otani's voice acting) With his immobilised head fused to the pilot chair, Thommohawk is finding that laughter is not really doing much good at all. It is bringing tears of pain to his eyes. Suddenly its all just too much to bear, and his head explodes for a minute or two. Then ...

T. Hawk: "OK, Ren. Nice ship HAR, HAR, ouch! Hoooot Hahahaha, ouch! sorry. Things are so weird here, it's a bit overwhelming. My ship seems to be morphing. The on board ship computer is telling me I'm morphing too ... My head is like glued into my chair or something, and I have a totally fubar joystick ... I'm not coping all too good with any of this."

Ren Otani: "And what's a 'totally-fubar-joystick'?"

T. Hawk: "Pilot, you telling me you don't know what a flight control stick is? All pilots know It's for piloting man! What do you use in this universe for piloting ships?"

Ren Otani: "er ok, 'pilots' don't pilot ships here any more Thomohawk. We 'control' our ships. There are no pilots any more. No skill is required to fly the Albion Skunk. We are now known as couch controllers. Everything is done with this pad thing we hold in our hands while sitting in a big fluffy couch and eating popcorn."

T. Hawk (the most skilled and experienced pilot in his 'own' X3 Universe) in a dry voice: "oh. so I see ..."

Ren Otani: "... and everyone knows that a pilots head is automatically fused into the pilot chair when in their cockpit. At least since the supernova IRREVOCABLY changed EVERYTHING. What could be more natural? So what's eating you? Where in space are you from?"

Betty: "Attention, one of your ships are under attack, sector Grand Exchange."

T. Hawk: "Shite, excuse me Ren Otani. I just need to check something. Get back to you in a moment. Betty, do we still have our property menu?"

Betty: "Yes, commander."

T. Hawk: "Good. I'll bring it up. I need to check this out." *click*

Now two things happen at once.

1) Thommohawk hollers and yells with shock as he is violently swung sideways in his seat to face the right side of his cockpit to view his property screen, and notices he did NOT have a cockpit view just a second before.

2) while he is already hollering and yelling trying to understand this, he starts throwing up as he realises there is somebody else in his ship ... looking right back at him like a blinking zombie.


Yisha: "Hello."

On board the Skunk, Ren Otani, who is sitting half deaf from all this comms drama, now hears the brave and fearless commander Thommohawk yell and gurgle even louder:

T. Hawk: "Who the hell are YOU and what are you doing in my ship!!!? HOW did you get on board? And why do I have a cockpit suddenly!? And FAR OUT you have a strange stare, even if you do sometimes blink!"

Return

Now there is sudden silence because at this point Thommohawk flips out and faints. Big tough pirate spaceman that he is. Silence continues for a bit longer, then:

Ren Otani: "Thommohawk. Thommohawk? you ok?" continuing silence continues. "Yisha, where are you? was that you? Are you on board Tomahawk’s ship now?"

Yisha: "Yes Ren, I am on board the T. Hawk Carrack PBC. I seem to have been teleported here or something... this guy is really weird And he thinks I'm strange? What a laugh. Do you have any idea what is goin' on since this ship appeared? This ship is doing some weird stuff like its morphing into the Skunk or something. The Pilot Log says its from the X3 Universe ... where is that?"

Betty: "Warning. cargo bay open, shields are down."

T. Hawk regains consciousness: "What!?"

Betty: "Attention. there are now 20 marines in our cargo bay life support system. We have been boarded commander."

T. Hawk (furtively): "Psst, Betty?"

Betty, (whispered response): "Yes commander?"

T. Hawk: "Do we still have the transporter device?"

Betty: "Yes it is operational, It is uncertain for how long because of the morphing process."

T. Hawk: "What happens if I activate the jump drive now?"

Betty: "All my data indicates we will return to our own known universe, in our corrected timeline. Are you still feeling lucky today commander?"

T.Hawk: "Hell yea, Now I got all these marines with me heh, heh, heh, they think they boarded me eh?"

Yisha: Hey!"

Yisha transfers back to the Albion Skunk as Thommohawk hits the transporter device control and the jump command.

Betty; "Command accepted, jump drive is activated for unfocussed jump sequence, 10 seconds, 9, 8, 7, 6 ..."

T. Hawk: "Wait. abort jump. I just remembered something"

Betty; "Jump aborted. Return to known universe cancelled."

T. Hawk: "Bring up the new program from that Egosoft."

Betty; "yes commander, here it is. Your instructions?"

T. Hawk: "Delete program from database immediately. I'm not sure but it may have something to do with our unfocused jump going fubar and I have no wish to repeat that on the return jump."

Betty: "command accepted. program wiped from database."

Thommohawk hits the jump command again.

Ren Otani and Yisha (pleading voices): "Commander Thommohawk please take us with you! I want to be a real skilled pilot just like you and use a flight control stick, and have a POV not have my head fused to my controller fluffy couch! And I want to be free. Be free to use a space suit whenever I want to. pleaaaassssseeee.... doooon't leave us here, we beg yooou.... and a gravidar and and sector and universe map and ... (fading out)....."

A silent flash of incandescent light, and the T. Hawk Carrack PBC pops away from the XRebirth universe just in time to avoid its final irreversible fusing morph with the Albion Skunk.

At a tiny point of space, in the corrected space time of the X3 Universe, Thommohawk's Carrack with his 20 new marines emerges from another, simultaneous silent flash of incandescent light.


T.Hawk (wiping tears from his eyes): "Did you hear that comm from the Skunk Betty? Just as we jumped?"

Betty: "yes commander, so sad."

T.Hawk "I'm sorry I had to do that. Leave them there in that place. The risk of personality morph was too great. Ah well, no engine tuning this time, but what do I have in my cargo bay now eh? :twisted: These pussy cats call themselves marines? Lets see what the marine training station has to say about that. And there is that unfinished shady business too."

Betty: "Yes commander"

T.Hawk: "You know, I have a strange feeling I may return to that place one day. For the time being though ... hmm, now where do I want to go today? ..."


The End

... of Thommohawk's Very Strange Adventure in the Rebirth Universe.

(Almost based on True Adventures of Thommohawk and the almost playable but not quite unplayable-for-now XRebirth Universe.)

Note: Thankfully, for some totally unknown reason, when the T. Hawk Carrack returns to the known X3 Universe, Ren Otani and Yisha lose all memory of Thomahawk, his ship and all that happened. They continue to live happily ever after in their unfinished creation failure XRebirth universe, blissfully unaware of anything ever being different from what they know there.

Edited: 4/12/2013: changed some minor things and a few typo instances where I wrote 'XPrebirth', to XRebirth. (I meant X 'Prebirth' as to mean 'still pregnant with possibilities' - but realise this could be taken to mean something different and people might think of it as a term for 'premature')
Edit 20/12/2013: just a few more typo errors.
Edit 11/10/2014: Just added placeholder at top for intended v3.1 Rebirth review. no other changes.

Edit 22/12/2014: Placeholder for v.3.1 updated > now available, new adventure/review due sometime 'soon' (as in whenever time permits).
Last edited by ThommoHawk on Mon, 22. Dec 14, 00:54, edited 9 times in total.
[XTrilogy]: Holy Argnu cows! I have found it! An asteroid of pure ore - 100% - I am rich! Now, I just need to find one like that made from silicon. hmmm, where do I want to go today?
X REBIRTH? "JUST A TOURIST until X4 IS RELEASED! Because That SUPERNOVA sure went FUBAR" (Quoting T.Hawk. Read all about it at: http://forum.egosoft.com/viewtopic.php?t=353678) :x3:

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eldyranx3
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Post by eldyranx3 » Sat, 23. Nov 13, 10:23

Good one. :wink:

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TTD
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Post by TTD » Wed, 27. Nov 13, 12:08

Had not seen this until your link from another thread.

Hilarious :lol: raofl

It will get better.
I am sure. The X3 universe took time to eveolve into what we have now.

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X Rebirth.

Post by arnak » Thu, 28. Nov 13, 01:17

Hi,

Amazing. :D

:lol: I just loved it...

Arnak
Just remember that Murphy was an optimist!!

i7 4ghz, R290 vid card, 16 gig Ram, W7.

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Erqco
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Post by Erqco » Thu, 28. Nov 13, 01:56

I still laughing.... :lol:

The best critic that I read!!!!


I miss the part where he ask for their empire and money, and why now he need to steal from boxes and look for crumbs in the air conducts....

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Geek
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Post by Geek » Thu, 28. Nov 13, 11:15

Hehe, I wonder what T. Hawk think of minigames...
Right on commander !

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Post by dubnium » Thu, 28. Nov 13, 11:44

Geek wrote:Hehe, I wonder what T. Hawk think of minigames...
that's not suitable for print methinks.
thedesertwolf wrote:On the Twelfth patch of X-mass Egosoft gave to me Twelve broken promises, Eleven layers of menus, 10 bad design decisions, nine lines of terrible dialogue, Eight non-functional capitals, seven squatting grandmas, six strange memory leaks, A promised Targeting feature still in development, four misconstrued UI decisions, three unstable stations, two attempts to fix trading and a broken game in a pear tree.

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Post by Roger78 » Thu, 28. Nov 13, 13:16

Brilliant satire, very enjoyable post, and oh so true...

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Post by steelgrey75 » Thu, 28. Nov 13, 13:17

:lol: :lol: :lol:

ThommoHawk
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Post by ThommoHawk » Sat, 30. Nov 13, 12:29

TTD wrote:Had not seen this until your link from another thread.

Hilarious :lol: raofl

It will get better.
I am sure. The X3 universe took time to eveolve into what we have now.
^ No doubt it will. I just can't bring myself to continue struggling with Rebirth atm, not until FULL joystick, keyboard / mouse controls become totally available in-game. I continue to play X3 AP.

This is not new for me at all;

I purchased X3 TC on day one of it's release, but it stayed on my shelf for a full year while I continued playing X3 Reunion, waiting for patch releases and stuff to settle down.

Same thing with X3 AP, which I purchased (when boxed version was released) just to support Egosoft while they were working on XRebirth. I already had the X Superbox, and so was already eligible for the free Steam download of that game...

So now that I've got a Collectors Edition XRebirth sitting on the shelf, I at least can play with my XUniverse Photon Cannon Torch, and look at the pretty pictures and try and work out how to play that card game.... :P while we wait for it all to come good.

I'd join the 1.8 beta patch testing except for that joystick sucks atm, and its the only way I will pilot a ship (this is not negotiable).
[XTrilogy]: Holy Argnu cows! I have found it! An asteroid of pure ore - 100% - I am rich! Now, I just need to find one like that made from silicon. hmmm, where do I want to go today?
X REBIRTH? "JUST A TOURIST until X4 IS RELEASED! Because That SUPERNOVA sure went FUBAR" (Quoting T.Hawk. Read all about it at: http://forum.egosoft.com/viewtopic.php?t=353678) :x3:

nalim27
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Post by nalim27 » Sat, 30. Nov 13, 13:16

Just brilliant!

I have much fun while reading this, that you ThommoHawk.

See you in next universe sometime!
Mine rig - X4 ready :-) Windows 10 64b
CPU: AMD Ryzen 2700X (stock clocks 3.7GHz + 4.3GHz boost), 32GB DDR4 3200MHz CL14 RAM,
GPU: AMD Vega64 8 GB HBM, played on 2569x1440, Freesync2
SSD: Samsung 970 EVO 1TB M.2 PCI-ex

CPU before 1.7.2018: Intel Xeon E5450@3.6GHz, 8GB DDR2 800MHz RAM,

nalim27
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Post by nalim27 » Sat, 30. Nov 13, 21:58

No others like this post too?
Mine rig - X4 ready :-) Windows 10 64b
CPU: AMD Ryzen 2700X (stock clocks 3.7GHz + 4.3GHz boost), 32GB DDR4 3200MHz CL14 RAM,
GPU: AMD Vega64 8 GB HBM, played on 2569x1440, Freesync2
SSD: Samsung 970 EVO 1TB M.2 PCI-ex

CPU before 1.7.2018: Intel Xeon E5450@3.6GHz, 8GB DDR2 800MHz RAM,

DaddyMonster
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Post by DaddyMonster » Sat, 30. Nov 13, 22:12

Meh. Nice enough conceit. Was wondering who wrote the script for Rebirth, and now I know. :-)

Liked the blink joke. Full marks for effort.

nalim27
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Post by nalim27 » Tue, 3. Dec 13, 22:56

ThommoHawk please write a new plot story for X Reburth - I bet that it will be better more funnier and greater than originla X Rebirth.
Mine rig - X4 ready :-) Windows 10 64b
CPU: AMD Ryzen 2700X (stock clocks 3.7GHz + 4.3GHz boost), 32GB DDR4 3200MHz CL14 RAM,
GPU: AMD Vega64 8 GB HBM, played on 2569x1440, Freesync2
SSD: Samsung 970 EVO 1TB M.2 PCI-ex

CPU before 1.7.2018: Intel Xeon E5450@3.6GHz, 8GB DDR2 800MHz RAM,

thedesertwolf
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Post by thedesertwolf » Tue, 3. Dec 13, 23:32

Hey, storytelling is an old artform and satire among the best of it.

Needed that laugh and heck, better plot than the one sitting in rebirth at the moment :P
I never knew that Kha'ak tasted like fried chicken!

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