Traders Tale - Ch16

Official fiction, fan fiction and artwork. Let your talent express itself!

Moderators: TheElf, Moderators for English X Forum

Post Reply
Mercenary
Posts: 1568
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x3tc

Traders Tale - Ch16

Post by Mercenary » Thu, 28. Nov 02, 08:32

One of the longer chapters...

Hope you enjoy 8)

Merc


Chapter 16 - Escape.

Admiral Ottal sat in thought as his tactical officer reported, "Split Python will be in range in ten seconds."

"Have gunners open fire!" Ottal commanded, "Give me an update on the Moray!"

The response was, "Moray will intercept in twenty seconds!"

Plasma began to be exchanged between ships, "Shields seventy percent!"

"Where are my fighters?" Ottal demanded.

"The fighters are engaged with fast pirate ships in Nopileo's Memorial. The AIC Roamer has left the sector!" The tactical officer reported.

"We need them here!" Ottal demanded.

"Sir the Liets Endeavor has issued a general distress call that the crew is abandoning ship. The commander reports ongoing damage to systems due to internal explosions and continued internal pressure losses with new stress ruptures in the hull. That the ship will tear itself apart in a few minutes." The tactical officer reported.

"Have all available fighters guide emergency pods back to the Aladna Hill Gate!" Ottal ordered.

The Python suddenly was caught in the crossfire between the Gallators Fate and the Boron Moray. It maintained the bulk of its firepower on the Titan.

"Shields forty percent. Registering damage to mid sections fifty three, fifty four, fifty seven and sixty two, we have lost gunning tower five. Python has shields at twenty five percent has lost six gunning positions! Sir! The Python is turning into our ship!"

"Helm, turn vector four zero, one six three, seven five!" Ottal ordered.

The computer alarm sounded, "Warning collision imminent!"

The Gallators Fate suddenly jarred. "Collision detected!"

The lights on the bridge went out briefly as emergency lighting kicked in.

"Damage report!" Ottal shouted out.

The tactical officer picked himself up off the floor and rushed to his station. "Sir we have lost main engines, running on secondary engine power. Major damage to aft sectors one hundred six through to one hundred seventy three! We have lost all six rear gunning towers, Sir."

"And the Python?" Ottal asked.

"Python is crippled, no engine power primary or secondary, auxiliary power only for a single shield unit and life support. Boron Moray is moving in for the kill, Sir!"

"Get me the commander of the Moray!" Ottal ordered. "Helm bring us round and aim for the Aladna Hill Gate.

The Liets Endeavor exploded in the distance, on board the Gallators Fate all eyes were transfixed on the view screen and silence descended.

"Did they all get out?" The admiral asked.

"Insufficient information available!" Caran commented quietly.

The Admiral looked around. A secondary view screen opened as the Boron Commander appeared.

"Admiral?" The commander asked.

Ottal turned back quickly, "Commander, I request that you do not engage the Split Python but help to prevent the pursuing Raptor class ship from engaging us. We have secondary engine power only and are running at half speed."

The Boron Commander looked perplexed then acknowledged the request, "Admiral we will comply with your request."

"Thank you! Admiral Ottal out." The com closed.

Caran spoke up, "Admiral, if I may make a suggestion, the Discoverer two has a transporter on board. If we can launch that, then in conjunction with a few transport ships from Aladna Hill we can pick up all the Liets Endeavor survivors and get them to safety! This should free up the fighters to give us additional support!"

Ottal looked across, "Do it!"

The Split Raptor was closing fast on the Gallators Fate undeterred by the attack of the smaller Boron Moray. Plasma flew between the two ships the Moray forced to disengage and the larger Split craft knocked out two if the Morays shield units and several gunning positions. Even so the Raptor also took additional damage losing another shield unit and gunning position.

Mamba fighters engaged the Boron ship as it moved away from the combat.

"Sir we are being hailed by the captain of the Raptor."

"On screen."

The secondary viewer opened, "Admiral, I am Captain Thun t'Knnr surrender your ship!"

"Captain, I think you overestimate your chances of success. I believe it is you that should stand down."

The Split captain laughed, "You and your people have put up a good fight, but you cannot now outrun our fighters or their missiles!"

Ottal knew this to be true, "You haven't caught up with us yet!" He answered as defiantly as he could then closed the com. "Caran, we need support and fast pull some strings get me some here and fast."

Caran looked at the Admiral, and knew they were in deep trouble. He opened a private com back to the service headquarters.

The Morays fighters and all the Argon fighters in the sector began to close in to defend the Gallators Fate. The gate from Nopileo's Fate also saw the arrival of the Gallators Fate own fighter squadrons arrive from the rearguard skirmish with pirates, however these were now too far to be able to help.

The Titan shook to several hornet missile strikes. The Raptor was closing and opened up on the undefended rear section of the Gallators Fate before being forced to disengage by hornet missiles fired from several Boron Eels.

"Sir, I have the AIC Roamer entering the sector with two N2 interplanetary battlecruisers!" The tactical officer announced.

Ottal glanced across at Caran who simply watched the screen.

"Where?"

"Sir, Aladna Hill Gate gate. Battlecruisers are moving to engage. Closing speed one thousand mps. The Roamer is launching fighters and transports/"

"Interplanetary destroyers?" Ottal asked.

"AIC ships!" Caran responded, "The latest in high speed engine technology with exceptional turn rate, not so useful out here on a normal day. But today isn't a normal day!"

"Let's hope they don't get here too late." Ottal looked back at the viewer. "Give me an update."

"Shield recovering but they can't take another missile volley, Sir! The Raptor is turning back to engage, Sir. Range four k's and closing."

"Time for intercept?"

"Ten seconds, N2 Battlecruisers will be with us in just over fifteen seconds."

"Let's hope our shields survive that long!" Ottal commented. "Helm see if you can prolong the chase."

The ship juddered. Again the lights flickered and three consoles sent showers of sparks scattering across the bridge with a scent of burnt system boards and fire suppressant foam.

"Damage report?" Ottal ordered.

"Sir we have lost tactical, internal scanners indicate system wide damage, major hull breaches in rear sectors. We're losing atmosphere. Engine fuel cell containment fields are still stable. But I'm registering wild fluctuations in shield stability, Sir." The engineering officer responded. "Communications are out Sir."

"Navigation and maneuver engines?"

"Systems are still functioning Sir." Helm reported.

"Reroute auxiliary power to tactical! I want to see what's going on out there!"

"Sir!" Engineering responded.

The view screen flickered in a haze of white flecks and a poor image began to appear. The Raptor was surrounded by a haze of plasma. One of the new N2s was standing between the two ships and not yielding. With additional missile launchers spaced along the hull and Gamma High Energy Plasma Throwers the Raptor was taking more punishment then it could endure.

The image cleared, to reveal the second N2 closing and tear chunks from the hull of the Raptor. Fire spewed into space as the internal air jetted out. Only to be extinguished and form a crystalline white mist. The Split Mambas were fully engaged with the fighters to try and defend the big ship.

Ottal watched as emergency escape pods were launching from the Raptor. The bulk of the ship turning as internal explosions opened new fractures in the hull. The N2s continued their barrage.

Suddenly both battlecruisers disengaged together as the Split ship stopped dead. One stayed close to the crippled Gallators Fate, whilst the other went to support the fighters.

As the Raptor finally exploded the remaining Split fighters were ordered to stand down and return home.

"Well I hope this was all worth it!" Ottal looked at Caran.

"So do I." Caran replied.

Ottal addressed his bridge staff. "We are still on battle alert people until we reach our own space. Stay sharp. I want to see reports from all stations including casualty lists. Have we isolated those hull breaches?"

"Yes Sir, we are no longer losing atmosphere. Shields have stabilized, and engine fuel cell containment is holding Sir." The engineering officer responded.

"How long until we reach the gate?" Ottal asked.

"Fifteen minutes Sir!" Helm confirmed.

"Keep her steady, I don't want this thing to break up on us!"

"Yes Sir!" Helm responded.

"How are we with getting coms back up?" Ottal asked.

"Emergency teams are replacing the damaged transmitter units. We should have coms up in five minutes Sir." The engineering officer replied.

Admiral Ottal sat back, the look of deep concentration and thought etched into his features. Caran Belign went back to studying the terminal screen watching the updates and bulletins being transmitted through the ships internal coms channels. Only urgent and technical messages were feeding through and it gave him all the information he required as to the exact status of the ship.

Admiral Ottal was also studying the reports shown on the display mounted on the arm of the captains' chair.

"Sir, we now have coms!" The engineering officer announced.

"Open a channel to Commander Parrel on the Roamer!" Ottal ordered.

"Parrel here! Good to hear from you Admiral we've been trying to contact you for the past few minutes!"

"Glad to still be here!" The Admiral responded. "Thanks for bringing us help!"

"Our duty Sir, to assist when we can!" Parrel commented. "Sir we are currently picking up the escape pods of the Liets Endeavor. We have plenty of space onboard and medical facilities if you want to transfer your wounded. Also our scans indicate your ship to have major structural damage. Our recommendation is to remove all personnel with the exception of some engineers and pilots who can bring the ship home."

"What about the Split forces?" Ottal asked.

"They are withdrawing, with the exception of one of the Pythons which has lost all engine power, and a compliment of fighters that are holding a defensive position around the ship." Parrel replied.

"When we are closer to the gate we shall transfer our casualties and the bulk of the crew. Ottal out!" Ottal closed the com. He paused for a moment then asked, "How many fighters did we lose?"

"We have lost seven Busters and five Elites, only two pilots not recovered. Sir." The tactical officer replied.

Ottal looked across at the tactical officer.

"They failed to bail out in time Sir!"

"Send me their names. I'll need to inform their next of kin." Ottal quietly and calmly requested. The tactical officer nodded.

A couple of minutes later they drew close to the Roamer and stopped. Medical transports and personnel carriers exited the large transport ship in a steady stream. The two N2 ships held a defensive position between them and the retreating Split forces. The Boron Moray gathered the last of its fighters then took its leave and departed the sector to return to Lucky Planets for repair at the shipyard.

Once docked the evacuation of the Gallators Fate was underway. Only a handful of twenty engineers and technicians, with two pilots and the Admiral were left on board. With the transfer complete the Roamer went ahead through the gate, just incase anything untoward happened to the Titan after it completed its jump.

Caran concerned himself with the technical scans of the alien ship and worked with Tereana on interpreting the findings.

"Let's run through what we have again." Caran declared.

"The ship is incredibly strong, nothing we have or any of the other races, including the Xenon or Khaak, gets close. As far as I can tell none of us even have the technology to build such a ship." Tereana started, "We've tried to determine the age of the vessel on the engine fuel life, and it's monitored state. Factoring in the incredibly low temperatures which will have slowed down degradation and increased fuel cell life."

"And?" Caran asked having heard the answer before and not believed it.

"Depending on when the ship froze itself, between three thousand and five thousand Argon years." Tereana replied.

Commander Parrel tapped his fingers on the briefing room table. "We're certain of that?"

"I'm just giving you the two limits!" Tereana replied quietly.

"Why would the ship freeze itself?" Caran observed.

Parrel answered, "We have detected organic matter within the ship, the theory we're currently looking at is the person, thing was put into a cryogenic freeze for the journey."

"A three to five thousand year journey?" Caran was skeptical.

"I think we've agreed that for some reason this ship must have been knocked off course. It would make sense that the ship did not arrive at its destination and didn't get the instruction to revive the pilot!" Parrel responded.

Caran leant back in his chair in thought. "What else can we deduce form our scans. Can we restore the engines to full power?"

"The fuel cell construction is unfamiliar to us. We would need to examine the engine system first hand so we can get the interface correct. We would also need to understand the ships power distribution systems to get an idea of fuel cell yield. In short there are too many unknowns to answer that question." Tereana replied.

"The ships internals didn't warm up when you stopped the ship, but the outside was glowing hot. Why?" Caran asked.

"That would be the ceramic hull and inner skins preventing the heat from entering." Tereana responded.

"Speculation then, this would make it a terrestrial ship capable of entering atmospheres?" Caran raised an eyebrow.

"Yes it could enter an atmosphere unharmed. The speed the ship was travelling at would indicate that it has used the traditional gravitational sling shot method to get this far." Tereana replied.

"Perhaps it gained speed in its flight due to gravitational effects after it left its home world." Parrel thought out loud.

"What else do we know? The ship maintained low power to the shield, anything else perhaps?" Caran voiced the question.

"There was one other sub system active, we don't know exactly what though." Tereana paused briefly and looked at Commander Parrel. "Our guess is it's possibly some kind of flight recorder."

This was the response he needed a definite answer to. The information locked in a three to five thousand year old flight recorder could be worth more than the losses incurred in ships and men. The star charts would help define and triangulate all the positions of the known sectors in real space and include vast regions of space as yet unexplored and undiscovered. Perhaps even show some of the other subsets of gates the ancients had not yet deemed necessary to reveal.

Charts the Goner have struggled to compile for decades which would give them the information required to make the gateless jumpdrive of the Terran man Brennan, something of worth. Even lead them back to the mythical Sol system and the legendary home world of Earth. To Caran this could be the last piece of the key but he did not express his views openly. Many times before had Argons made the mistake of believing they had the answer.

The Argon military had recently closed in on several operations that sold illegal drives touted as gateless. Although the technology was there, the drive simply allowed the pilot to jump to any point in space of a known gated sector using an existing gate as a carrier into the sector and projecting the position to a predetermined point by the pilot. This had massive benefits for interplanetary transports, which could use the jumpdrive technology to planet hop within systems.

The increase in smuggling and illegal activities exploded causing the military to ban the drives. Unlicensed drives were dealt with, usually by force of arms.

In all cases it had become clear, jumping without a true point of reference was meaningless. Several Gonar scientists had tried jumping to random points in space that they believed was the Sol system and were never seen again. That activity was deemed pointless and banned.

"We will need to put together a discreet recovery team, I will be looking to call on some of the scientists on board, due to your prior knowledge, as well as some experts from other sectors. Is there anything else we know, that could be important?" Caran asked.

Parrel shook his head. Tereana moved uneasily and shifted her gaze around the room before looking back at Caran. She had wanted to tell Parrel about her findings on the recording privately but had not found the opportunity. This she deemed would be the right and possibly the only time she would have the opportunity to tell someone of importance like Caran Belign, who undoubtedly would also liked to be the first to know.

"There is something else. Not related to the ship which I think you'll be interested in." She spoke calmly and quietly, even with the nervousness she now felt.



On board the Piranha, Tor sat in the pilots' seat. The Professor was sorting out a few personal things before joining him.

"Sweety, I've bought you a present!" He declared.

"A present?" The tone was of suspicion.

"Yes!" Tor swallowed hard not really knowing how the AI was going to react, then cursed himself quietly thinking 'It's just a computer chip. Not a person, what's the problem?' Tor resumed, "It's a technical data pad capable of interfacing your personality AI chip!"

There was a pause, "Interface the pad with the console. I'd like to do a system check for compatibility." Sweety responded.

Tor connected the pad and waited, the screen flickered and flashed through menus, readings, response curves, coms channels, and power cycling modes. Although it took only a few seconds it seemed a long time to Tor. "Pad acceptable powering down system board, and Tor be careful!"

He breathed a sigh of relief and set about installing the chip into the data pad. With the transfer complete the pad came to life as soon as the protective cover plate was refitted.

"Tor, just running remote system check on ship." Sweety announced. "Everything appears to be functioning, I will check again when you've reinstalled the system board."

"Wow, you can do that without being plugged in?" Tor was impressed.

"I have an increased functional range above that provided to me by the ship and can monitor and maintain all functions remotely." Sweety confirmed.

Shortly after he had finished plugging in the card, he heard the Professor tapping on the outer door. Sweety released the door locks and they slid open.

Tor beckoned him in with the wave of his hand. "Come in professor. Welcome aboard!"

"A fine ship you have here Tor and quite new by the look of her!" Jeron commented.

"Thanks. Please take a seat, make yourself comfortable and we'll depart." Tor remembered back to the days, not so many weeks before, when he transported passengers on a regular basis.

"Very kind of you young sir. Where shall I put my luggage?"

Tor opened a large storage locker, "Hopefully it'll all fit in here." The luggage lifter glided past and neatly stored itself away.

"There's just one thing Professor. I've been building a network of satellites as I've been entering new sectors. So I may need to make an unscheduled stop to buy some more before we reach our destination."

"A good way to build a trading empire." Jeron enthused. "You seem to be very much of an entrepreneur and it's not for me to get in the way."

Tor smiled turned to the airlock doors and pressed the keys on the control pad. The doors slid shut and interlocks engaged. He returned to the pilot seat. "Sweety, get us clearance to depart."

"Clearance granted, handing over controls to station guidance systems!" Sweety responded, there was a slight jolt as the ship moved away form the side of the dock.

As the ship cleared the station entrance Tor pulled up the sector map and glanced at the location of the gates. Bringing the ship around he then fully engaged the thrusters heading for the next sector.

"So Professor you were going to tell about trading with the Paranid!" Tor commented.

"Well Tor, I always find it's useful to know a little bit about the culture and the politics of the races. The Paranid have much of their society and culture based around belief, the ruling body are the high priests led by the appointed Priest King." Jeron started.

"How do you mean appointed?" Tor asked.

"Ignoring the Khaak and the Xenon, we have five races within the alliance, each has it's own unique ruling body and governing system. The Argon system is based on elected representatives, elected by the people, from the people." It was a simple summary and as Tor was Argon, Jeron did not feel the need to elaborate.

"The Boron has a monarchy, a single figure head whose succession is by birth right not election, which governs through appointed advisors and subjects." Again the Professors comments were brief. He did not see any reason to continue talking on the subject as Tor appeared to have dealings with the Boron already.

"The Teladi are by governed by Company Chief Executives and the corporations they control. It's a money based society and wealth combined with business acumen gives an individual power and influence." Jeron glanced around. "The society is generally governed by the females of the species as they have proven to be the more financially aware. As a trader you can learn a lot from the Teladi, but they do have a duplicitous nature and need to be watched. A happy Teladi is one that's making credits and if you have dealings with them you need good, strong bargaining skills. If you employ one then so much the better, but make sure you give them some slack to make credits for themselves." Tor gave a wry smile as he checked the HUD and flight vector of the ship.

Jeron paused. "The Split are ruled by families, each family has a respected elder or head of the house. The strongest house with the greatest support from the other houses controls the power. As you can tell the Split regime is the most factional system. Internally the houses fight amongst themselves trying to sway support. Even so it's not as violent a society as it once was." The Professor rummaged through his pocket to pull out a personal pad. "Only one caution as a non-Split if you upset one family then the whole of the Split race becomes your enemy. Even after years of internal war they will pull together if any outsider threatens them. Benignly enough though they respect a fighter. If a Split picks a fight with you and you win, you get respect. If it's the other way around then you're in trouble. Also war has given them significant advances in weapons technology over the other races. A gap which has only recently been closed."

He pressed a few keys on the pad and continued, "Lastly the Paranid! They are ruled by the Priests. Only the high priests decide on which of them deserves the title Priest King." Jeron paused. "It's not a title given as a birth right, like the Boron Queen, however it has been know for a son to follow in his fathers footsteps. The priests enter into service for life, the selection as I understand it is reasonably tough and only those Paranid with unwavering faith and loyalty get selected. Then it takes a lifetime of service and devotion to reach the higher levels. The Paranid however throw a great deal of resources at protecting their faith from external influences and their belief gives them an inner strength and resolve making them fearsome enemies in combat."

Tor had turned his pilot chair around with the ship flying straight and true towards the gate. Jeron looked up, "So how to trade with them! They are very strict on contraband goods. You will quickly lose favour if you transport any of the goods I've listed on my pad here." The Professor handed it across. "Fortunately you've already made the initial contact. Your acceptance will grow the more you trade with them and if the need arises protect their sectors from undesirables. Traditionally a lot of the big industries around rely on a product know as Soja Husks, although there are numerous factories around they need a constant supply of Soja Beans and Energy Cells. Of course there are many Paranid stations which have been experimenting with goods only found in the factories of other races, such as Boron BoGas and Teladi Teladianium."

Tor had scanned the list and handed back the pad. Fortunately there was nothing stashed away that he needed to worry about.

"So where do the Goner and Nameless fit in?" He asked.

The professor paused for a moment and answered cautiously. "The Goner are a group of believers and scientists that believe that we Argons are the descendents of travelers from another world. Trapped here by a war with the Xenon. Since the arrival of the hero Brennan they have been studiously piecing together our true history and trying to determine where our real home world is."

Again the professor paused, "The Nameless is the term given to half breeds usually the children of slaves. Where one race has co-joined with another and the act has resulted in a child. Why do you want to know about them?"

"Just that I've met one and he's not the sort of person I want to get on the wrong side of?" Tor replied.

The professor nodded, "Well there's not much more to tell! Normally such children have genetic deficiencies or physical abnormalities. Sad to say most die with in the first few years of life. The few true hybrids, that have in essence the correct number of limbs and organs, are usually shunned by both races. They are subject to the laws and beliefs of any races that take them in. But you are right to be wary of them! My understanding is they tend to have short tempers and can be incredibly strong and resilient."

Tor gave a slight nod of acknowledgement.


The Gallators Fate eventually arrived at the shipyard, emergency repair crews lowered gantries from the overhead construction beams. With the ship secured the ship was cleared of personnel and the engines were taken off line.

A swarm of robots and maintenance crew in environment suits began to go through the interior and over the exterior of the ship. Transports began to form a steady stream bringing in replacement equipment.

Admiral Ottal sipped his hot Garrow Root Cha as he looked down from a window in the station and surveyed the ship for the first time since the skirmish. Behind him Commander Parrel, Tereana Tersill, Caran Belign, two scientists from the Roamer and two science officers from the Gallators Fate were chatting.

He turned around. "Shall we begin?"

There was a brief murmur of agreement and they took their seats.

"I'm not going to go through any of the casualty figures as that will be a discussion for another meeting later!" Ottal stated. "Now we had a task to stop and recover what now appears to be an alien ship. The first part we have succeeded in doing." He paused. "The second we have yet to accomplish. Now as far as we know the ship is safely hidden away. The first question is do we feel it's worth putting together a covert operation to recover it?"

Parrel replied, "From the scans we managed to take before sending the ship off, it undoubtedly holds technologies ahead of our own. If we manage to explore beyond Khaak space, then it may be that we will encounter the species that built it. We would have an advantage of being able to communicate, or even know how they will react to us. "

"Do you think the technologies would help us hold back, even defeat the Khaak and Xenon?" Ottal asked.

Parrel shrugged his shoulders, "We don't know!"

"Caran! You've been particularly interested in this ship. What are your reasons for finding it again?" The Admiral turned his gaze towards him.

Caran paused, "The need to know and understand what lies beyond our sectors! What other kinds of species we are likely to encounter. To get and understand the navigational records that it holds. It may help us determine if the Xenon are still in the outer regions of the Danna's Chance solar system. I believe it is worth finding just for the potential information that it may hold!"

"But you had reservations about bringing it on board when we had the chance?" The Admiral observed.

"Yes, and I still do! As far as we know the pilot is still on the ship, cryogenically frozen, the atmosphere on board is in the liquid state. This means any other organism that may have been present in the atmosphere, like viruses, will also be cryogenically frozen." Caran paused, "We have no idea what the ship is capable of if we restore power to the systems. It may regard us as hostile and self-destruct taking out who knows what. It may have computer AI intelligence that can infect and overrun our computer systems leaving us vulnerable to our enemies. Or it may be the nicest, friendliest system in the universe. With it safely out of harms way, then it's effectively quarantined and with a small team of experts we can investigate with little to no risk."

The Admiral thought for a brief while as the rest of the room waited in hesitant anticipation. "Who did you have in mind?"

"I'm looking to the scientist that we have here. Only Parrel, yourself and me are excluded. However I have also requested the Academy of Species and Alien Races Research in Cloudbase Southwest to send an expert researcher. Of the three key professors that have the expertise one just happens to be on his way to the sector Montalaar to investigate some Xenon remains. They will be sending me the details of the ship he's travelling in when they are available."

SteveMill
Posts: 3952
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x4

Post by SteveMill » Thu, 28. Nov 02, 10:38

Good again Merc. Conveys the battle well. Just one possible suggestion, feel free to ignore, its just how I would do it.

In the battle I thought the guy giving out status reports was too wordy, a lot of unnecessary words for a tense situation where split seconds count

"Sir the Liets Endeavor has issued a general distress call that the crew is abandoning ship. The commander reports ongoing damage to systems due to internal explosions and continued internal pressure losses with new stress ruptures in the hull. That the ship will tear itself apart in a few minutes." The tactical officer reported

IMO a snappy single sentence is needed to convey the urgency. Longer exposition risks losing the urgent rhythm, the driving beat of the chapter, which is a life or death battle. Same for a lot of the other exposition in the heat of battle. Punchy, urgent speech would better convey the fear and tension.

Looking forward to the next bit.

Mercenary
Posts: 1568
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x3tc

Post by Mercenary » Thu, 28. Nov 02, 10:56

Had another read through it, and I know what you mean! I'll look to break it up a bit in the master copy :)

I was running with the idea that it's a big ship, although quick it's reaction time being slower than the smaller fighters gives people more time to give fuller reports. But as you point out, too much detail and the immediacy of the situation slips a tad...

Was going to email you with the first 16 chapters, but:
1st - don't have your mail address.
2nd - Will hang off sending it until I've read through again and tried a slightly different approach.

8)

Merc.

Moss
Posts: 510
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x2

Post by Moss » Thu, 28. Nov 02, 11:33

Nice long read Merc, the battle was well described, I must admit to a being a little confused as to why there would be such a fierce battle over one ancient spaceship that the Split obviously knew very little about, or perhaps I missed something, perhaps the battle was more of a territorial thing!

Still looking forward to more and finding out what Tor will be getting up too, wondering what involvment he will eventualy have with the new ship, alien, or technology it contains, i'm sure he's gonna be in there somewhere :)

Keep it coming its an excellent read.

Mercenary
Posts: 1568
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x3tc

Post by Mercenary » Thu, 28. Nov 02, 11:56

Hi Moss,

Yep to start with the mobilisation was a teritorial thing. Argon capital ship entering unclaimed sector unannounced.

The battle itself caused by the Argon trapping the Wolf ships and preventing them getting close to the alien ship. Although not stated in the chapter its seen as a bit of an insult to the Split, and that the Argon were trying to conceal something important.

Working on the principle that the Split are suspicious of the intent the Argon and that this thing may contain superior technology. Also that when even a small fight starts it just becomes a mass brawl to show which side is the stronger... (mountains out of molehills) :D

Moss
Posts: 510
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x2

Post by Moss » Thu, 28. Nov 02, 12:15

Thanks Merc, I do recall the Split ships being held, I guess any excuse will get them fighting over just about anything :roll: (they remind me of another race in another universe, the Klingons, tho these guys don't seem quite as bright somehow :D )

Gandalf The White
Posts: 2185
Joined: Sat, 9. Nov 02, 12:21
x3

Post by Gandalf The White » Thu, 28. Nov 02, 13:51

Excelent again Merc,

Got the mail, and the attachment, thanks.

KiwiNZ
Posts: 3510
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x4

Post by KiwiNZ » Thu, 28. Nov 02, 22:31

cool chapter, Merc!

I like the very detailed description of qhat is going on. The introduction of thos much superior ships though raises questions as to what other races have been up to. :wink:

looking forward to the next chapter!

Mercenary
Posts: 1568
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x3tc

Post by Mercenary » Fri, 29. Nov 02, 09:15

Cheers all :)

Adamskini
Posts: 562
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x3tc

Post by Adamskini » Fri, 29. Nov 02, 21:03

nearly sliped this chapter by me did u!!

another fantastic read Merc :)
Aug 2000 -> March 2001 - Old Skool Egosoft Forum
March 2001 -> Nov 2002 - THQ forum
Nov 2002 -> now - Current, prettier Egosoft Forum

[anybody remember The Enforcers?!]

Al
Posts: 11996
Joined: Mon, 11. Nov 02, 10:26
x3tc

Post by Al » Tue, 3. Dec 02, 17:41

Almost missed this completely but vrey glad I found it. Great read Merc

Al

Mercenary
Posts: 1568
Joined: Wed, 6. Nov 02, 20:31
x3tc

Post by Mercenary » Tue, 3. Dec 02, 17:53

I thought you've been a bit quiet recently. Get the impression from some of your recent posts you've had a bit of back trouble!

Anyway good to see your back with us Al (no pun intended) :D

Forum seems very active at the moment most posts don't stay around for much more than a day.. :(

And the next chapter is still in its fledgling state as notes on paper, so I need to get typing :D

Al
Posts: 11996
Joined: Mon, 11. Nov 02, 10:26
x3tc

Post by Al » Tue, 3. Dec 02, 18:03

Yeah managed to completely screw my back but no idea how. Spent the last 8 days in agony. Spend 6.5 hours in hospital last monday and didn't even get looked at. I've run out of pain killers and the ones I can get without a prescription are only 1/4 of the strength. Although I'm back at work, I cant sit for more than about 20 mins without my back seizing up.

All in all not a good time at the moment. But who said life was a bed of roses........ ;)

Al

Post Reply

Return to “Creative Universe”