Good stuff.
Traders Tale II - Chapter 7 - completed - 15/06/03
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Gandalf The White
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Gandalf The White
- Posts: 2185
- Joined: Sat, 9. Nov 02, 12:21
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Gandalf The White
- Posts: 2185
- Joined: Sat, 9. Nov 02, 12:21
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General Morphit
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Good character development and interactions, I like the element of self doubt creeping in.
Some minor grammar stuff highlighted in brackets.
“Which will leave me as the fall guy!” Tor chipped in sharply as he reflected on his part in this plan (and) did not like what he was hearing.
There was so much more she could do (then) before
offensive vessel but was designed with the continued existence of the Xenon in mind.
(It was) Capable of exiting the solar system and entering the vast emptiness of deep space, where it would never be found except by chance.
(At the disappearance of Nyeshta,) Tor had recovered from his initial shock and taken the pilot seat. (not sure how grammatical this is)
He retreated to the rear of the ship and started to look for a drink but found nothing (not sure that you can report he is starting something and note the outcome in the same short breath.)
Sorry Tor I had not simulated this situation arising.” Sweety commented apologetically. (you’ve begun making a grammatical error I had to search and replace two whole novels when I realised it for myself. Comma not a full stop at the end of the spoken bit.)
Feran had returned to his office having spent a few hours intimidating his employees by glaring at them thoughtfully as he inspected the station. He now scanned through the report handed to him by one of the stations communications staff. (nothing wrong with it, just liked it, made me laugh!)
“What (,) other than to upset me?”
Some minor grammar stuff highlighted in brackets.
“Which will leave me as the fall guy!” Tor chipped in sharply as he reflected on his part in this plan (and) did not like what he was hearing.
There was so much more she could do (then) before
offensive vessel but was designed with the continued existence of the Xenon in mind.
(It was) Capable of exiting the solar system and entering the vast emptiness of deep space, where it would never be found except by chance.
(At the disappearance of Nyeshta,) Tor had recovered from his initial shock and taken the pilot seat. (not sure how grammatical this is)
He retreated to the rear of the ship and started to look for a drink but found nothing (not sure that you can report he is starting something and note the outcome in the same short breath.)
Sorry Tor I had not simulated this situation arising.” Sweety commented apologetically. (you’ve begun making a grammatical error I had to search and replace two whole novels when I realised it for myself. Comma not a full stop at the end of the spoken bit.)
Feran had returned to his office having spent a few hours intimidating his employees by glaring at them thoughtfully as he inspected the station. He now scanned through the report handed to him by one of the stations communications staff. (nothing wrong with it, just liked it, made me laugh!)
“What (,) other than to upset me?”
Merc sure is the expert of the clifhanger. I need to refrain myself from shooting him everytime his part ends. I can shoot him and satisfy my revenge for him making me wait in anticipation for the nextpart. but if I'd shoot him I never get the read the end. 
Type Faster plz
Type Faster plz
Fear
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"Black holes suck"
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"Black holes suck"
Fear wrote:Merc sure is the expert of the clifhanger. I need to refrain myself from shooting him everytime his part ends. I can shoot him and satisfy my revenge for him making me wait in anticipation for the nextpart. but if I'd shoot him I never get the read the end.
Type Faster plz
I'll try my best. I just have to make the time... 
Very interesting part two Merc, when Sweety first said this ship suited her purposes, I began to wonder what they might be then later she said she'd been in contact with the Xenon AI, I was begining to suspect Sweety as an AI might end up wanting to be with them! later tho while she was talking to and teaching Tor I lost that feeling, but i'm still left wondering just what Sweety is up to! and why this particular ship! will Sweety want to have herself installed in a ship, shes more than cabable of handling one, and would then not need biological entities as much as she currently does, just a backup mechanic perhaps on occaision. Will we eventualy find out what motivates her?
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Gandalf The White
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Been having similar thoughts here Doc, after all the alien in Traders Tale transfered itself into a new biological body didn't it, and Sweety got (at least) some knowledge from that brief contact and does seem to have a strong regard for Tor !The Doctor wrote:Perhaps she likes Tor, and wants the body of what's her name? imagine an AI inhabbiting a human body?
Intreguing ideas all around. As to how close they are I will avoid the temptation to comment...KiwiNZ wrote:Intriguing thought indeed! Sweety could well still contain remains of that self-preservation function of 'the mind'. And as it is not as prominent because Sweety shut herself down the alien AI could only be able to make use of some of Sweety's capabilities and not override her.
