The Tale of Ea't s'Quid, a Truly Savage Split.

[Olterin]

A crew of nutjobs, is it? Very well, let's see... don't expect me to write up anything significant for this character - he's just a meatshield (and I'm not that good at writing Split )

Name: G'tt S'hht
Race: Split
Ocupation: Interceptor Pilot, currently unemployed, probably sitting in a Teladi bar somewhere being robbed of his last credits


___

Keep it up

[Triaxx2]

Hmm... Gut Shot huh? Optimistic.

I just take a normal character and exaggerate warrior aggression, and one other slightly odd characteristic.

But I can work with that. I hope he doesn't mind flying by the seat of his pants.

[Olterin]

[...]But I can work with that. I hope he doesn't mind flying by the seat of his pants.

Flying by the seat of his pants is his job - interceptor pilot

So no, he wouldn't mind that at all - and I'm well-aware that that may well get him killed very soon - I'll just come up with some other character then. Should he live, though, well ... we'll work on that if and when that happens

[Nathancros]

ahahahahahaah

tbh him being paranid*or watever u did* is more of a laugh. cause like I/we said. hes bloody crazy. he would call himself a boron humping split/teladi crossbreed. and say it without batting an eye. tho probably cacking himself laughing bout it 2 weeks later.. he's a bloody nutjob.

also if u want/need u CAN shorten the name to Nut. tho if ur all good with writing Wingnut then awesomesause

[Triaxx2]

Wingnut is fine. Considering I strapped him into a Scorpion Raider (296m/s, 5mj) I rather expect he won't live too long. Certainly not long enough to move up to something less hazardous to his health.

[Nathancros]

Wingnut is fine. Considering I strapped him into a Scorpion Raider (296m/s, 5mj) I rather expect he won't live too long. Certainly not long enough to move up to something less hazardous to his health.

hehe i has ideas to make him survive after 'deaths' if u want

like i said. he is crazy. means anything goes

means u can do watever. means i can do watever if u want me to

also i laughed like hell in that chapter

Typical triaxx bahaha

[Triaxx2]

Chapter 8: To take a God of War...

Rising and shining to find myself awake in comfort for the first time in a long time is quite an experience. You never understand how badly you can sleep until you actually sleep well. Even the psychopath just down the hall didn't really bother me that much on that morning.

“Yeah, not much bothers you does it?”

“Only when I am paying for booze.”

“Now that figures.”

Anyway, first order of business was to find best marines available. I did that, both at the Contorted Dominion Military Outpost, then at the one in Pontifex' Seclusion. Turns out that there are a couple of good Paranid Fighters available, including 4-star Timancketvahs. He's not precisely a genius mechanically, but in combination with others who are, I should be able to take the ship without problem. I think I'll even sell the Medusa, and use the funds to pick up some cannon fodder. Not bad cannon fodder mind you, but cannon fodder still.

Anyway, on my way west, back to the Ares, I run across a battleground, containing a Hornet and Cyclone missile. An Argon Freight Transporter trips my sensors, and I send Wingnut winging out to meet, and kill it. Watching M4's is entertaining, but after a bit it becomes apparent that what I've got lying around, isn't enough firepower for him to kill, or bail the target. I get involved with Battle Wagon, since Fangs is what went up north with the Jumpdrive. I manage to bail the M4, but then crash into it. Waste of time.

On the other hand, there are a pair of Hades off to the east, that were bailed by Pirates. They're both in excellent condition, so I'll pick those up after I find out if I can take the Ares. Through the east gate and we're into position. The bailing left it with no shields, so I don't have to worry about suppression. I just hope we can get through the hull. That's a no. Hmm... Okay, so I guess I'll need to send them back to the Military Outpost for some remedial hull cutting.

Damn. Okay, new plan. I'll escort the Toucan back to the Military Outpost, and focus all the money on hull cutting. While it's doing that, I'll pick up my three Bombers, and escort them north again. I'm not sure which of those two or the Gladiator is superior, so I'll have to investigate them a bit. But I do know two things. One is that they have good shields, and two is that they sell for a good price. So I'll have two that I can sell, and one that I can keep. Unless I think of another use for them. I probably can, but I figure it won't be more useful than selling them. Heading for the Military Outpost, I realize I'll need to try and fly the Toucan north manually. While I don't really need it again after I take the Ares, it's always helpful to have a ship that can train marines.

“You're more logically oriented than you pretend to be.”

“Always strive to be underestimated.”

“Enlightening.”

I did catch sight of a training barracks in Pontifex, and I might send the Toucan to go check that out while the marines are learning the fine points of applied hull ass kickery. The decision to snag the two Hades turns out to be a fantastic decision. Not only do they have 38 Tomahawks between them, but one of them even has a Jumpdrive. Investigating the differences mentioned in the encyclopedia, shows that the Hades seems to be superior in every way. The downside is that fully repaired, and tuned, neither are capable of matching my Zephyrus for speed. Nor in fact, is the Gladiator. Which means I need something heavy to do the job. So, heading for the relative safety of the local Marine Barracks, I decide I'll send the two M8's up north to the Rhonkar's Military Outpost, and then go retrieve the jump drives manually. True, it's a longer trek, but I have to pick up the Gladiator anyway. Besides, if I'm very lucky, the Gladiator will also have a jump drive on board. I don't think I'll be that lucky, but you never know. In any case, I'll be on my way that way anyway, and there's no sense in letting the effort of bailing the Gladiator go to waste.

Yes, it's also true that I have a second Zephyrus I could call to bring down the jump drives. But it would be stranded down here and it has no way to get back. So it's just as easy for me to go up there as it is for it to jump down here. Besides, I'll also need the second jump drive to get the Ares out and it's a waste of energy cells to bounce around. So it's off I go, once more to work my mighty magic.

First though, I hire four Paranid Marines. They have the unenviable job of monitoring my... protector... Good for them.

“Who the hell was this Wingnut?”

“No idea. Just some wacko, thought he was Terran. I suspect he was concussed at some point in time, and no one could bear to tell him the truth. Or rather no one could hold onto him long enough to tell him. He got kind of... violent.”

“Too violent for a Split?”

“Too violent for twenty marines. Twenty Grumpy marines.” Ea't paused. “Twenty Grumpy Split Marines, with Hangovers.”

“Wow.”

Indeed, so with that done, I set course for Clarity's End, and a date with destiny. Err... and a Gladiator. Anyway, the actual travel was fairly uneventful. Passing through Friar's Retreat, there was a Boron who tried to start something, but with Wingnut restrained in the hold, I let it pass without incident. I left the turrets on Missile Defense only, not wanting to have them respond to things like that any more than I did Wingnut. Particularly not since Paranid are neutral to the stupid Squids. Anyhoo, about the time I entered the south gate of Cardinal's Domain, the Hades made it to Rhonkar's Fire and docked with the Military Outpost. Bringing Fangs to me, I let it dock and transferred the jumpdrive. Feeling far better now, I jumped to Priest Refuge for fuel and then to Clarity's End.

Before leaving Cardinal's though, make a serious consideration of a Hyperion Vanguard hanging around. Sadly, I don't have enough PBE's to succeed at knocking down 825MJ of shielding. I'd have to use several heavy missiles, but those all want hostile targets and by that point, it'll have gone turrets hot. Pity it's not fully shielded, a full 1GJ would be precisely a Firestorm. Ah well.

Arriving in Priest Refuge, the SPP has a patrol mission on offer, for Priest Refuge. You cannot really, truly understand how absurdly large of a sector it is until you're trying to hunt through it for enemies. Seriously. I had 3 Triplex Scanners. One on Fangs, one on Wingnut and one on Battle Wagon. And I still have a hell of a lot of sector covered by fog, both sensor and visual. Fortunately, I ran straight into the Yaki that the mission was talking about.

Between Fangs, Wingnut, and the Goblins generated by MARS, it's a slaughter for the Yaki, and a boon for me. 8 ships bailed, though one was a Split Freight hauler, and not a Yaki anything. They must have punched it out before I closed in. Using the Zephyrus from up north and the remaining jumpdrive from the other M8, it comes in and begins picking up the fighters. I rather like the Goblin's ability to drag bailed fighters into range for capture. Slipping into Perdition's End, skipping across Desecrated Skies, I pick a fight with a Plutarch trader. With that taken care of, after Fangs and Wingnut launch to deal with a Buster Raider somehow succeeding in avoiding 3 Mk1 Goblins and an Mk2 Goblin. Once it's just Wingnut is quite the fighter pilot, when he's not shooting me up trying to get at his target anyway. Fortunately, a blast of HEPT across his nose reminds him who's paying, and who has the destruct device. The raider doesn't last long under the combined fire of Fangs, and it's PBG, plus Wingnuts IRE's and PAC. With the Buster out of the way, it's fighter drone on fighter drone and the battle is over in just a couple minutes. Heading west, I get into Third Redemption, and half-way through the sector, I notice something interesting. A Dead in Space Hades. Up near the north gate. Yes, it's a bit out of the way, but since I have nothing else of interest to work with until my marines finish training. It's got no shield, but that's no big deal. It does however, have 18 Tomahawks. Very nice. Heading south towards the west gate. As I go, I notice something big, and green coming straight at me from behind. A Boron Military Thresher, heading towards the west gate. Punching the throttle, I run straight for the gate. The Hades peels off to the north. I'll send a jump drive back for it. Getting through the gate, a Deimos waits on the other side.

[Nathancros]

oh dear stuck betwen a rock and a hard place.. or a fish and a.. umm.. nope i got nothing for paranids


am still loving it. i have no critisism cause its all perfect

and wait a sec.. the hades had tomahawks??? why not fire them at the boron thresher? or the paranid deimos?

[Triaxx2]

Ea't likes Paranid for one thing. And for another the Hades didn't have the necessary fight software and the Thresher was escorted. So I didn't want to risk it shooting down the Tomahawks and then shooting me.

[Nathancros]

Ea't likes Paranid for one thing. And for another the Hades didn't have the necessary fight software and the Thresher was escorted. So I didn't want to risk it shooting down the Tomahawks and then shooting me.

fair enough there mate.. tho that leaves us in a predicament

[Triaxx2]

Not really. It was just that particular Hades that lacked them and I'm allowed to buy stuff from those that will sell them to me, so I can pick one up at the EQD's around. It just didn't have them at the moment. I try not to use Tomahawks except with the Barrage command.

[Nathancros]

Not really. It was just that particular Hades that lacked them and I'm allowed to buy stuff from those that will sell them to me, so I can pick one up at the EQD's around. It just didn't have them at the moment. I try not to use Tomahawks except with the Barrage command.

hmmm.

oh well im guessing uve long since left them in the dust cackling to urself bout your latest capture/captures

[Triaxx2]

Not really cackling, but you'll see.

---

Chapter 9: Running and hiding.

Slamming on the positive thrusters, I just clear the top of the Deimos before it blows through the gate. This is why we use the auto-pilot for entering gates. It's safer that way. After collecting the various ships the Goblins have fetched for me, I turn north. One of them was a Mercury SF XL, full of energy cells. We get out of the way just in time as the Thresher plows through and slides by, silent and deadly. It's being guarded by just a single Barracuda Raider, and if I had the firepower I'd destroy it, waiting until it reached Haktikvah's of course. Since I don't I'll have to wait. Charging north at a blistering 23m/s, since I'm being followed by several ships.

Insanely, I've yet to come across a Transporter device, though I have a large number of Jump Drives. Taking note of this, I order the ships in this sector to follow the Mercury SF, and then jump myself north to Rhonkar's Fire, taking care to ensure that the Mercury won't follow me stupidly. Once in Rhonkar's Fire, I send the two fighters to dock with the Military Outpost, and then head for the Trading Port. There my Mistral SF is waiting with energy for me. Refueling, I jump back south, to exchange my jump drive to the Mercury. That jumps back southeast to meet up with the Zephyrus which has run low. From there it heads north to Rhonkar's Fire. Freed of the slowing constraints of following fighters, freighters, and M8's, I head north again, at my top speed of 140.

“Wait. Wait, how did you deal with the Gladiator?”

“Didn't I say?”

“No.”

“Sent it west to Third Redemption Shipyard.”

“East.”

“Whatever.”

Anyway, blazing north through to Haktikvah's, I suddenly think that perhaps I shouldn't have sold the Magnetar I picked up. It would definitely solve the problem of shipping ships away. Mostly. There's a Magnetar sitting abandoned in Haktikvah's, but I have no way to put it under my control, since all my ships, and marines are busy gearing up for the big capture. However, my Goblins are bringing me a Hermes. Now that's handy. My marines go for a short walk out the airlock and into the Hermes and with no casualties, I'm suddenly the proud owner of a Magnetar. The fact that the four Paranid were able to take it without casualties is a good sign for the Ares. Eventually. Heading north again, I get into a tangle with a Plutarch Weapons dealer, carrying Flails. This rapidly snowballs into a five alarm furball, after which Fangs is no longer allowed to use his PBG's, due to some Fighter Drone/Goblin BBQing incidents. At the end of the fighting, we end up running north at a top speed of 12m/s. I blame the Mercury Superfreighter.

Finally getting away from the fighting, I think I'm safe. Then I get a missile warning. Flicking up the map, I learn I've got a Heavy Centaur Patrol crossing the sector, and it's bombers have decided it'd be fun to launch a missile at me. I'd be fine, the ships I'm escorting wouldn't. Before the Mosquito Missiles can kick in though, a pair of Goblins whip out and blow the Tomahawk out of the sky, and then coming winging back. I'm not sure how they managed that without dying, since IRE fire has a short range and Tomahawks have a big explosive radius.

It works, so I'm not complaining. Of course, I realize two things. First, I need a capital ship. Second, I rather need it NOW. A Shrike would be perfect, since I enjoy having a fighter, but just for the moment, I don't have the funds or capabilities for that. First I need that Ares.

Unfortunately, the second time the Goblins can't deal with a pair of Tomahawks, and I take one in the ass.

[---]

Split beer is nasty. This is why Spacefuel is so valuable in Split Space. I hate the dreams it gives me. Bloody garbage. That's why I only drink it when I'm desperate or in a hurry. I try to be neither.

This time, I do two things. Three. First is to send the Mercury north, followed by a Discoverer, picked up from Third Redemption, to retrieve the jump drive. Second is to climb above the main trade lanes, rather than stay level with them. Hopefully this will curb my enthusiasm for a fight. Third, I swap Fang's weapons before I get into anything. This should prevent any BBQing accidents, should I fail to restrain myself.

Entertainingly, this time there's an Argon Cerberus. Hilariously, it's undershielded. I can tell, because it's two bombers launch Tomahawk Torpedoes at me. It's hilarious, because the only thing they blow up, is the Cerberus. I then accidentally expend all my Mosquitoes when the Magnetar survives with an IRE and splashes a Terracorp trader. The Trader then unloads it's drone cargo, and my entire supply of mosquito missiles. Finally I make it through Haktikvah's Faith. I rather hate this sector you know.

“Still hate it?”

“Yes.”

Into Thuruk's Beard, and I need a drink. A big one. Company Pride is just through the west gate, and I've just met up with my Discoverer, so I make a jump to the next sector. Wise Split say Auto-pilot fly never, jump always. Docking at a Sun Oil Refinery, I decide that I've had more than enough for one day. I'm going to head north to Ceo's Sprite and see if I can befriend the Teladi some. They seem to sell somethings that neither the Split nor the Paranid do, so it behooves me to make the effort. Perhaps it will give those last two marines a chance to finish training.

[Nathancros]

wait did he fly into his missles.. or did u fly at him till his missiles hit him? XD im confused on that XD

[Triaxx2]

Actually, it had just come in through the west gate, and the bombers were on the far side. I popped up through the south gate, and suddenly I get a missile warning. Next instant, the Cerberus is going up in an explosion. It was pretty funny.

[Nathancros]

Actually, it had just come in through the west gate, and the bombers were on the far side. I popped up through the south gate, and suddenly I get a missile warning. Next instant, the Cerberus is going up in an explosion. It was pretty funny.

sounds like something that would happen to you. or youwould do

[Triaxx2]

Yeah, truth is almost always stranger than fiction. Even when it's fictional fiction.

[Nathancros]

Yeah, truth is almost always stranger than fiction. Even when it's fictional fiction.

and is even moer stranger in a triaxx fictional fiction!

[Triaxx2]

Not counting all the stuff I might not mention because it's TOO strange. Or happened during one of those drunken deaths...

---

Chapter 10: Bird watching.

I've considered the Phoenix. It's a beautifully ugly destroyer. It's lines are almost Split and if it doesn't have the clean sword shape of the Python, or the dagger-esque shape of the Tiger, it's still a sight to behold bearing down on you.

How do I know that? Well, it starts with a mission to snap up a Pegasus Vanguard in Thuruk's Beard and return it to it's owner, from a station in Company Pride. The return goes without any trouble, and after a quick delivery of Nostrop to the local Pirate Base, I get a hot tip for a potential job. Some one in Ceo's Sprite, just a short distance north, is offering a huge reward for someone to find his ship. I've heard that jobs like this often lead to capital ships, usually the kind that don't get returned, because they're far more valuable as salvage than the price offered to return them.

It seems this person, is offering several million credits for the return of his ship. More than the sale value. Depending on the ship, I might well decide that it's not worth it, but the rep and money would be very handy to have.

This is a decision I will come to regret. I don't know it at the time, but I will. First things first, apparently I have to head to the Teladi Trading Station in Ceo's Sprite. That's fine because I've got two Demeter’s that are headed there for scrapping anyway. The heavy guns of the Phoenix are the second thing I see, following the ass end of the local Supply Albatross, sitting above the gate as I enter. The Phoenix seems to be on a slow patrol of the system, and is backed by a Shrike and several Peregrines.

Comming the station, it seems that the Split in question, a, and these are the words of the Mediator in charge of the station 'despicable, miserable, stinking pirate', is not there. In fact they aren't entirely sure where he's at. However another Teladi is offering a pittance for the return of a Discoverer Vanguard in Company Pride. With 3 hours, a TM, and a Jumpdrive, it's the easiest thing I'll do all day.

By the time I'm back, so is he. And yes, the Mediator was correct. He's a despicable, miserable, stinking pirate. He's also a fantastic fighter pilot, and has a sense of humor unmatched in the annals of comedy of any race I've yet encountered. No one else I've met or heard of has been that unfunny. For example: 'What one thing Teladi fear most?'

'Paying Debt.'

See? Not funny at all. Even worse? Mission is not to retrieve capital ship. No, mission to retrieve beaten up old Argon Buster. From impound in local Teladi Shrike.

At cost of 100,000 credits, I obtained permission to retrieve the ship. Correction, a Buster Raider. Still, it lacks guns, shields, and tunings of any kind. Making matters worse by far, I find out that he doesn't have the promised money. He was hoping I would free the ship, and then be captured and shot.

He is not in fact counting on the 4 Paranid marines, who climb aboard Fangs and dock at the station, in order to have a chat with him. While they do that, I sidle on over to the Military Outpost, and have a look at what's for sale. It turns out that there's a few things, and they include boarding pods and Energy Bolt Chainguns. Sadly, after the cost of freeing the beaten up and useless Buster Raider from impound, I haven't the cash to do more than buy a single boarding pod. The marines return with fangs, and my new fighter pilot. Whether he likes it or not. So G'tt S'hht becomes part of the crew.

So I'm stuck now with a mad fighter pilot who scares my Marines, and one who is not only a miserable, despicable pirate (After the fighter ride, the Paranid scrubbed him down, so he's no longer dirty. Threat of dismemberment included, should he forget to wash up.) but is as I suggested, an absolute genius in the cockpit. Unfortunately for him, while I do happen to have some shields, I do not have any guns for him. In a display of uncommon courtesy, and perhaps a desire not to have to do all the work, Wingnut offers his 3 IRE's for use by my new pilot, in exchange for my spare HEPT. It's not a high end armament, but beggars can't be choosers, particularly not on the pointy end of a phase pistol. Spending a little time in Rhonkar's Fire turns out to be an oddity. There's a hell of a lot of capital firepower here, including a Raptor, Python, and FOUR Tigers. Plus a Dragon, Heavy Dragon, and a dozen bombers. Plus all the escorting fighters.

And some source of astronauts from bailed ships, but no bailed ships. And it doesn't seem to be related to the military, but it's all Split Pilots, heading for the Military Outpost. Truly odd. I jump to the north gate of Family Rhonkar, in the hopes that an answer is there. Perhaps a large fight broke out, and the survivors are headed north to make a report?

No. In fact, it only deepens the mystery, and I have no idea what's going on.

So what's this about a Phoenix then you're asking? Well, as it turns out, the Phoenix was not merely patrolling Ceo's, it was in fact heading from there to Grand Exchange, as evidenced by it's path southwards through Thuruk's Beard. How do I know? Because arriving at the south gate, I have just enough time to roll up and out of the path as the Phoenix bears down on the gate and buckles through just as I clear the super structure. All because I wanted to get a spare jump drive for the Ares. Why? Because I got a report from the Toucan that the last of my marines was now at 2-stars Mechanical, and we're ready for another go at boarding.

So in short order I'm ready to put my ten highly trained marines to the test. (Okay, so they're ten well trained in opening hulls, but otherwise tactless and hyper aggressive, with little hacking skills to speak of. So what?) Jumping south to Pontifex Seclusion, I bring my ship about and link up with the Toucan.

Back up north I put my hands on an Iguana, but it's in bad shape, and it's also way up there, and I'm way down here. I might need it in the future, but for now it's chilling at the Trading Port in Rhonkar's Fire. So anyway, my Toucan and I are away. After a quick stop to successfully bail a Boron Angel. True, it's only got 3% hull, but that's not the important part. It's well armed, well shielded, and fast. Plus it carries XL cargo. It's a fantastic prize, and possibly the only useful thing Borons have ever constructed. On that curiously high note, I jump south, for a second try at the Ares.

[Nathancros]

Wingnuts log:

Red death boring. been done b4. stupid propaganda... BEWARE THE RED MENACE!!! Red menace being blood splattered split!!!!!

Green death is all the rage now!!
RAAAGEEEE
give IRE's to Shot in gut,
Get Shiny old plasma death guns, DEATH GUNS!!!!

why do i call him shot in gut?. cause as he came in with his... escort.. i shot him in the gut for laughs..*Roars laughter*
With a stunner of course Oh so STUNNING!!!







*triaxx i hope u dont mind this little post of mine i wanted to try and get into wingnuts mind.. i regretted it instantly.. its like staring into a mirror
i can delete it if you dont want/like it ahaha